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i want the test now but

her address is not correct on the papers and i have no contact info. the lawyer says we have to wait until court at this point. next month.

The only way to the Father is through the Son

don't ever listen to a priest's advice, he is no vicar for God.

Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom must. like men, undergo the fatigue of supporting it.-Thomas Paine

The R3volution requires action, not observation!!!!

Let me guess......

she's a democrat.

My condolences, kidbquick :-(

"What if the American people learn the truth" - Ron Paul

I don't even know her last

I don't even know her last name but she does have an obamaphone

obamaphone - oh man, that's f&cked up

If it does turn out to be yours, don't shortchange the kid and really enjoy fatherhood :-) Remember, it is the next generation that will restore peace, prosperity and Liberty :-)

I know some folks [guys included] who absolutely refuse to get married but just want a kid. I don't completely agree with it, but sometimes it is the best way and cheaper in the long run (no marital expenses, divorce settlements, etc.).

"What if the American people learn the truth" - Ron Paul

Thanks guys ,

I don't think I'm a coward, she wont leave me for this. it happened right before I met her but the thing is I don't know the outcome and wont know the outcome until after the wedding. Part of me wants to tell her because the stress is gonna kill me but the Priest,the lawyer, and my mom all say You dont know for sure don't ruin the wedding. the wedding will be tainted and she will not enjoy it the way she is supposed to. Trust me I cant talk about this with anyone else and I posted it on DP to get some good advice and vent. Its killing me. also I can tell her after the wedding and say the papers came while I was traveling.

scawarren's picture

Tell your fiancee now. I'm

Tell your fiancee now. I'm confident that you know it's the right thing to do and good luck, kidbquick.

It is easier to fool people than to convince them that they have been fooled. – Mark Twain

Tell your fiance now.

Is your fiancé your best friend or not? If she's not, you shouldn't be marrying her. This may be the first time that something comes up that you'd rather she not know about, but it definitely won't be the last. This is just a problem, and it is her problem as well as yours.

If you wait, first of all, you are going through this problem by yourself, which after you've been married for a while you will find that having a compadre to fend off external bs is one of the most awesome, precious parts of being married. You are destroying that right now and setting a precedent in your relationship of going it alone to save her some worry or to save your relationship. Marriage is very hard. You have to find the really good parts and hang onto them tight. This is one of those times. You'll both learn something very important about each other and it will either make you a lot stronger or it will give you a clue that you're marrying the wrong person. Divorce is expensive. Unnecessary divorce is a waste of money.

Second, if you wait, you are wasting her precious days that she needs to get her head around this, while she is probably frantically busy preparing for her wedding, which is a very big deal. The longer you wait, the bigger the bomb that you will be dropping. And if you are indeed the father and you aren't letting her digest the implications, she will probably be more mad at you than necessary because you are screwing with her wedding prep which requires a lot of attention, by making her re-think her future with you, which she is entitled to do.

You absolutely need to tell her as soon as you can after you read this. It's a small issue today, and simply an exercise in trust and honesty, but next week it might be enormous. It is not fair to her or your relationship to withhold an opportunity to deal with a problem or give her the chance to cut bait while she still can, in which case you're way better off without her.

You have a secret. Secrets are destroyers of marriage. They always come out or eat at you and cause you to behave differently than you would if you weren't carrying it around. Get it on the table. Marriage is way more fun when both parties can trust each other to always tell the truth, even when it puts you in the dog house. You will someday desperately need her to trust and believe you, and today you are earning tomorrow's trust. And always telling the truth has a way of checking possible bad behavior, which is a definite plus in a relationship.

Stop scheming, be a fricking libertarian, and allow your fiancé to exercise her natural rights. This is personal responsibility in action. What every you decide to do, good luck! :-)

that's rough.

I'd tell her. This happened before you were dating/engaged to her and the woman never tried contacting you prior, so it's not like you betrayed her. She'll be pissed, probably think you're a bit of a sleazeball, but at least you will have it out in the open and you can confront it head on.

Keep hoping there's a #4 or #5...if not...I hear Brazil is nice.

But seriously, if you're the dad, take care of that kid. I'd probably get a restraining order on the woman since she's obviously got issues.

If ignorance is bliss, Washington DC must be heaven.

don't be a coward, tell her

That you would even think twice about telling her means to me that you don't trust her. How can you get married and not have that complete trust? Holy crap! And if there's gonna be an argument, better to have it now - if you even have it - rather than after the marriage. She'll never forgive you for not telling her if she finds out afterwards. Well, she might forgive you, but you can bet if she finds out after your married she will NEVER let you forget that you didn't trust her.
It's 2013. Most women don't give a rat's a$$ about what you did in your prior life. Be a man.

If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
James Madison

thanks

I cant call off the wedding or postpone it. Too much money has been spent and I'm traveling over to Korea for the wedding. That is where all her family lives.She is there now. If I was face to face I might tellher but probably not. If i bring it up her feelings will be ruined for the wedding. and lets say it isn't mine which I feel is a great chance. The lawyer feels social services is demanding she name a father and I cant take her word for it that two other guys already got by the test. I should never of done it but I wore a condom and it was never mentioned to me for the past 3 years. Its in Gods hands. Please fellas you never want to go through this so please never drink and have sex with a chick from the bar.

You say

You say it's in God's hands....well, what's done is done.
Nobody can change that!
And God says that fornincation is sin!
God hates sin!
God says "Surely your sins will find you out" and surely you are now finding that to be true!

You should be seeking God's forgiveness first and foremost.
For sure let her know AND ...DO NOT LIE TO HER!

You've really got some splainin' to do!

If she dumps you, don't blame her.

" In Thee O Lord do I put my trust " ~ Psalm 31:1~

This has already been elevated ...

to a legal proceeding.

Your marriage will be a fraud if you do not confide these events to her.

You will not be calling off the wedding. The choice is hers to make, not yours.

If the relationship does not survive this, then there are bigger issues in this relationship than this insignificant hiccup.

If the child is not yours, then this event will not even become a memory.

If the child is yours, then there are thousands of decisions that the both of you have to make TOGETHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

God Bless

you make sense.

we are having a ceremony in korea. no legal documents or certificates. we are having second wedding in the usa the month after. my plan is to tell her as soon as she gets back to the us which will be two weeks after me. at that time i should just be getting the results back. i want the DNA test asap but the lawyer says i cant speed it up.

Damn

I know this one. The law is set up to make you a slut ATM. Social engineering at its finest....Normalize promiscuity, reward illegitimacy, get a fatherless generation, socially and financially hobble an army of young men.

I'd probably postpone everything until the results are in. You can't make any real plans until you know. If you're deemed the father, you're under the state's, and the slut's, thumb for the next 15 years. Possibly longer.

Don't know the dynamic with your fiancee and you. If you guys are getting geared up for a large, traditional wedding, the kindest thing could be to sit on the information and see it through, although it could plant the seeds of disaster for the marriage....So the kindest thing for you both, in the long run, could be to get it all on the table and let the chips fall.

You could probably base your decision, at least partially, on getting a good look at the kid. You may be able to tell at a glance that you have nothing to do with it, and then you can go forward with some level of assurance that the test results will go your way.

If two guys have already dodged the bullet, however, your chances of being the father increase quite a bit. She could only have slept with so many guys during that window.

Do whatever research you can. Weigh odds. Make an educated guess regarding what will benefit or harm your marriage as different scenarios play out.

Thanks.

I pray I have nothing to do with it and pray for that kid because the mom is not good. If it is mine after all this time I will pay what I must but maybe I should sign my rights away or contact Adoptive agency if the mom is a drunk which I suspect.I drive myself nuts trying to understand why a single woman with no job ,unsure of the father would even go through with the pregnancy.I am no fan of abortion but this would of been a time for the morning after pill. My fiancee will be OK with it considering the timing and everything. I just don't want to ruin the wedding for her.

.

posted in wrong spot, sry

Take the DNA test and wait for the results, BUT....

if there is ANY possibility your fiance will find out BEFORE the results come in, TELL HER IMMEDIATELY. If she hears it from you, even before the results come in, she is more likely to believe you were keeping the information from her to protect her feelings. If the baby is yours, discuss your options with her and, if necessary her family. If not, then breathe a sigh of relief and get on with your life.

If the child is yours, the mother is likely after you just to get child support. If you are going to pay child support, you might as well demand joint custody. If you do so, and she refuses, a court is much more likely to minimize your support payments and accept your demand that she provide receipts to the court proving she is using the money to support your child.

If you do all these things and your fiance "bags out" on you, then she is not worthy of you and you are better off.