Obama promises no boots on the ground, military to get new "tactical sneakers"Submitted by Smudge Pot on Sun, 09/08/2013 - 19:40
The Obama administration today announced the issuance of an all-new line of tactical footwear for deployment in military action in Syria.
"This line of stylish yet savage footwear will increase our combat readiness while minimizing the need for boots on the ground in Syria" the announcement read.
Military leaders reacted to the news enthusiastically. A spokesperson detailed the Tactical Intruder Sneakers are "really zippy and they got these awesome stripes on 'em" as well as the tactical beach sandal and tactical toe-socks. "Really the only kind of boots on the ground now will be sewer boots cause you know, these mess hall bathrooms can get a little backed up at dinner time on a forward operating base of 30,000 troops and support personnel". The sandals in particular are expected to go over well with foot-weary troops with sweaty feet. "Just look how comfortable and relaxed I look" said the spokesman while wiggling his toes in the wide yet comfortable composite sole Desert Intruder Tactical Beach Sandals.
Military planners had consulted Gucci, Prada and other chic European manufacturers before finally settling on US domestic manufacturer Nike. "The Obama administration finally decided Nike's mission and the stated objectives of government are in synch on this one: JUST DO IT."