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Cooper Manning: Peyton and Eli don’t know $hit about energy investment equity (satire)

Cooper Manning Tired of Being Disrespected: “Peyton and Eli don’t know shit about energy investment equity”

After several questions in a row about the upcoming matchup between Peyton’s Broncos and Eli’s Giants, the 39 year-old Cooper snapped and said: “I thought this article was about me? I thought this was about energy capital development in the Gulf Coast region? Everyone thinks football is so important. But it’s just a game. Energy runs the world, you get me? Not football. Energy. And Peyton and Eli don’t know shit about energy investment equity.”

The NOBJ reporter apologized and asked a question related to natural gas drilling, but a riled up Cooper, who works for Howard Weil, which has offices in New Orleans and Houston, cut him off and continued his tirade.

“I’m so sick of people treating me like I’m the failure of the Manning family,” he said. “So my brothers play in the NFL. Whoopdee shit. There are 32 starting NFL quarterbacks. You know how many partners there are at regional energy investment company of this size? Not 32, I’ll tell you that. We’re a division of ScotiaBank, godammit! That shit’s international!”

Cooper then cut the interview off and asked the reporter to leave.

“People think Peyton is smart?” continued Cooper, now shouting. “He’s a dumbass. Trust me on this. He knows nothing but football. He thinks a good business investment is buying up a bunch of Papa Johns franchises in f–king Denver. And you’re going to condescend to me? To me? A partner at Howard Weil? I’m not the failure of the family. Get out of my office!”

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