32 votes

Government threatens to go back home and move in with mother, nation still doesn't care.

The United States Government today announced plans to "go back home and move back in with mother" if the nation continues to ignore it. This comes after recent threats that began with shutting down and then progressed to moving to San Fransciso to "wear flowers in it's hair" and more recently to run away with a teenage starlet.

Psychologists are quick to point out a nation that increasingly lacks self confidence. "This type of over-dependent behavior is charactaristic of a nation with low self-esteem" said relational behavioral specialist Richard Zipperty of MIT. "Nations in this condition really need to develop more self-oriented objectives and focus on their independent future" said Zipperty.

This seems to jibe with other behavior health specialists at the American Mixologist's Association who's spokesperson Brenda Fiende said "trust me honey, this government needs to move on and get a life".

Others point to deeper rooted causes. Child psychologist Eileen Rikowitz explains that over-indulgent parents often raise over-reliant governments. "I think this government grew up fairly sheltered but it's used to getting what it wants" explained Rikowitz. "I think it grew up with some unrealistic expectations, it feels it's needs are unmet and it's acting out of frustration, seeking attention".

All of the experts consulted for this article emphasized the need to monitor Government in case it begins to show self-destructive or violent behavioral patters. "Governments are capable of lashing out to get attention if they feel pushed to that extreme" said Rikowitz.

Still, beyond a handful of experts and academics, the nation's people and business seems to continue without interruption or even, in fact, anybody seeming to notice. "Yeah whatever" snarled a surly cab driver when asked for comment. An ad executive said "it just not punching through the clutter". An effeminate young male waiter rolled his eyes and said "please, like I care". The only person showing real interest was a divorce attorney who said "it doesn't matter what they're fighting over, I always win".

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.

Can't believe nobody's posted this yet.


http://youtu.be/zyltK6pmJGg

It was probably the pandas.

Classic. Smudge I think you

Classic. Smudge I think you just raised the bar.

Debbie's picture

Ha ha! I love that title! It is a real DP Original!

LOL

Debbie

Great job, Smudge Pot!

Very well done! Thank you!

“It is the food which you furnish to your mind that determines the whole character of your life.”
―Emmet Fox

Michael Nystrom's picture

LOL! Hey Smudge Pot - by any chance are you related to that

to that other guy who hangs around here? Same last name. That guy POL POT?

The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance. - Alan Watts

LOL yeah I kept getting them

LOL yeah I kept getting them mixed up till very recently.

Yeah crazy uncle Pol.

He's really chilled out. Nothing like during that whole Cambodian thing.

There is nothing strange about having a bar of soap in your right pocket, it's just what's happening.

Here's a story that needs to be told...

'Nation Rebels Against Obamacare by Not Having Jobs, Money'

It was probably the pandas.

I got married for security and had to change my name...

But otherwise there's no relation except for the color of our blood.

It was probably the pandas.

Michael Nystrom's picture

That, and the fact that

his mother, and you're mother... were both mothers.

The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance. - Alan Watts
Debbie's picture

Ha ha!

LOL you're funny Michael.

Debbie

Oh don't tell me he's been wandering around barefoot in the rain

UNCLE! COME INSIDE! TIME FOR HAPPY MEDICATION!

There is nothing strange about having a bar of soap in your right pocket, it's just what's happening.

Closest thing to washing his feet as he'll ever come.

btw your story reminds me of this little ditty:

http://www.dailypaul.com/270126/buy-me-some-candy-or-ill-hol...

It was probably the pandas.

meekandmild's picture

Will mother let government move back in?

.

That's hilarious

Good job