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Homeland Security Launches 'Pink Bullets For A Cure' Campaign to Raise Breast Cancer Awareness

As you already know, October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month. As part of its public outreach, The Department of Homeland Security has partnered with the American Cancer Society to form PBFAC - Pink Bullets For A Cure, which will distribute 91 million pink bullets to internal security checkpoints throughout the nation.

The bullets will be distributed to officers at internal checkpoints, airports, and all Random Greyhound Bus Shakedown Squads across America beginning October 1. Homeland Security Agents are encouraged to load their bullets into their guns in the presence of the public, in the hopes of starting a conversation about breast cancer.

In addition, 1.6 million pairs of pink gloves have been distributed which officers are encouraged to use during full-body pat-downs of citizens, as a reminder to talk about breast cancer and how many lives it touches. They will also be encouraged to offer a brochure on breast cancer once the cavity search is complete.

The Dannon Yogurt Company is also teaming up with a donation of 10 cents for for cancer research every pink bullet that is used by Homeland Security on or at a civilian up to a maximum of $5000. 'Don't eat just yogurt - eat just Dannon Yogurt.'

A campaign of television, radio, internet, print, billboard, nightwhisper, and direct mail promotion will begin October 3 to reach each of the 315 million U.S. Civilians whose lives could be affected by the pink bullets or breast cancer, and will continue until the $300 million of emergency marketing funds has been consumed, at which point more funding shall be approved to help improve awareness etc.



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Epic Humor

It could almost be true and I wouldn't question it. Keep the humor coming

Thanks. You forced me to edit again.

Last paragraph now makes a lot more sense...

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The interesting thing about this...

...is that my initial reaction was that this post was real. A lot of times I feel I can judge a real vs humor article (or a "this must be a Chris Cudnoski post"). At some point I started seeing headlines that I was convinced were fake but turned out to be real (e.g. the recent one about the woman arrested for Spaghetti-O's) that it changed my opinion of what was likely to be satire.

The more ridiculous reality becomes,

The harder it is to satirize.

The U.S. government is Michael Jackson.

Nevertheless I still try:
http://www.dailypaul.com/301432/in-other-news

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violence for boobs

actually makes some sense, historically speaking

violence should stay on the boobtube

IMO

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Pink foot ball

Bump

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I saw a pink box for Breast

I saw a pink box for Breast Cancer for 12 gauge target rounds at Cabelas the other day. Im not joking either.

http://cdn3.volusion.com/4vsq7.6oraz/v/vspfiles/photos/F12_8...

We all share this eternally evolving present moment- The past and future only exist as inconsequential mental fabrications.

No kidding! So this darkest satire manifests in reality...

...

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wow so they are promoting DHS

to make em look like a part of the solution, word up, pink bullets hurt as bad as golden ones.

Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom must. like men, undergo the fatigue of supporting it.-Thomas Paine

The R3volution requires action, not observation!!!!

No - this is a work of cynical fiction - satire if you

widdle.

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Oh please...

You know I was recently asked if I would like to make a donation to one of these criminal foundations that promote "awareness" for cancer patients, which is bullshit. It is more like make a donation so that we can provide jobs to people who aren't doing anything about breast cancer but only shuffle paper around.

I said that I would rather breast patients know that they can grow and consume cannabis to help resolve their issues. Fuck the criminal empire!

Exactly, its all so stupid. I

Exactly, its all so stupid. I love how it is called "awareness month" and not "Prevention Month". After all the millions of dollars and the best thing they come up with is "Make sure you get screened early" of course by radiating your breasts in a machine.

That's like saying getting a pregnancy test is the best form of birth control...

We all share this eternally evolving present moment- The past and future only exist as inconsequential mental fabrications.

I agree with both of you.

I agree with both of you. Plus, considering that the public has been bombarded (can we still use this word or has obama banned it) with breast cancer awareness for the past 20 years, is there anyone who is UNAWARE? The way the media, the NFL, Hollywood, etc., "glamorize" breast cancer for their own gains, you'd think no other cancers exist.

"Villains wear many masks, but none as dangerous as the mask of virtue." - Washington Irvin

pink is for girls, not boobs

that was funny LOL load the guns in from of the public to start a conversation about breast cancer.. and wear pink gloves, oh honey! very funny.

Tell your friends...


http://youtu.be/xbVifPkbYsk

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This is why I refuse to give my money

to any Global fund and awareness raising campaigns.
It's a very clever and emotionally manipulative way for Global Citizens to donate money to the very companies that are trying to medicate us to death or madness.
The less money that goes to funding Big Phama the better.

Freaks!!!!

#

NOSHEEPLE

those pink gloves ain't getting anywhere near my sugalumps


http://youtu.be/_ozSSseCh3U

“The welfare of the people in particular has always been the alibi of tyrants.” — Albert Camus

Someone needs to give these guys a recording contract.

They need to be discovered...

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maybe some day

they will be NZ's third most popular comedy-folk duo

“The welfare of the people in particular has always been the alibi of tyrants.” — Albert Camus

Next thing you know: the TSA will be distributing these fliers

as they molest the public, and the people who sign up for any coverage under Obamacare will be offered the same brochure, possibly without realizing their payments will be used to cover one of the greatest breast cancer risk increase factors there is: abortions.

www.abortiontruths.net/abortionbreastcancer.html

http://www.abortiontruths.net/hidden.html

"Hence, naturally enough, my symbol for Hell is something like the bureaucracy of a police state or the office of a thoroughly nasty business concern." ~~C.S. Lewis
Love won! Deliverance from Tyranny is on the way! Col. 2:13-15

oh brother

not one cent should be raised by the government for breast cancer awareness.

It is not an inherent government function.

And even if it were, since when are we all "unaware" of breast cancer?

It's just stupid!

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe."-- Albert Einstein

What the heck does pink have to do with boobs anyway?

Seems more appropriate for cervical cancer imo.

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It's stupid

I don't see what is so great about it. It's supposed to build awareness. I guess everytime we see a pink NASCAR stock car, or a pink box of Oreos, we're supposed to think "gee, that reminds me of breast cancer! I'd forgotten such a thing exists!"

It is pretty funny actually. I once had a girlfriend that had a form of breast cancer and she was totally offended by the whole thing as I recall.

I think we should propose a new, obvious, unnecessary craze. Like paint everything yellow during November to fight surprize buttsecks.

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe."-- Albert Einstein

OMG don't get me started.

Okay - how about 'Forgotten Childhood Trauma Awareness Month'

Hang up your tear-stained black and blue ribbons everywhere...

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but to answer your earlier question

I think that pink is to remind us of nipples, sort of subliminally. Maybe that is why I pucker so much when I see the pink aisle at the grocery store.

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe."-- Albert Einstein

Wait a minute - Are you and Chicken Catcher Torie

the same person?

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nope

that is not me. There are infinite poultry-related screen names yet to be discovered.

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe."-- Albert Einstein

1.3% of people don't watch NFL football in October...

and may never see the players in their pink booties.

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