Citing budget shortfall, government to take sun and moon offline. (was supposed to be a joke)Submitted by Smudge Pot on Fri, 10/04/2013 - 12:30
Government officials spoke from their luxury yachts and corporate junkets, saying that with the recent government shutdown, there are no longer resources or personnel to maintain the sun and the moon.
"I'm not getting out of bed today" said one legislator as a semi-clothed intern handed him an appletini. "And I'm gonna be blind drunk by noon so what do I care?" asked the legislator.
"People took us for granted and now they can just suffer and die in the millions as crops will non longer grow, the rivers will stop flowing and even such essential services as the sun and the moon just won't be available to taxpayers" said a former official with the EPA. "And that's just too dang bad" he concluded.
The Obama administration then issued a press release saying that indeed, effective 5:00PM EST, government will be forced to suspend all support for the sun and the moon as well as various other astral bodies such as Polaris, the North Star. "Having been essential to navigation for untold thousands of years, now ships and airplanes will crash into each other and just make a huge mess and it's all because of republicans" said the statement.
Some officials said they would be willing to restore cosmological order "if the nation came crawling back begging on it's hands and knees" but others were not so charitable.
Last seen, Smokey The Bear, having tweeted "this sucker's gonna burn", was headed into the woods with a book of matches and a gas can.
(edit: it's not funny anymore)