14 votes

secrete plots for the confoundment of the humorless on Daily Paul

This post is where I go when my personal brain farts need to, er, manifest themselves. Has that ever happened to you? If so, post it below and see for yourself that nobody cares!

I'll start!

Monsanto Introduces Whacker-Resistant Weeds

The strain can only be killed with Monsanto's new Ground-Up° herbicide.

Free samples of seed currently being air dropped over homes and farms in Iowa and all surrounding states.

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Secretions

are the last thing we want to see during the world wide ebola epidemic.

8D~

Cover-up: Hot air in all branches of government

largest cause of global warming.

"Hence, naturally enough, my symbol for Hell is something like the bureaucracy of a police state or the office of a thoroughly nasty business concern." ~~C.S. Lewis
Love won! Deliverance from Tyranny is on the way! Col. 2:13-15

jrd3820's picture

Worlds Panda Population Doubles

due to sharp decrease in anti panda propaganda. Sources say watchdog organizations in charge of anti panda propaganda have been busy punching Jesse Ventura and neglecting their duties of oath to the anti panda propaganda cause.

Stay tuned for our next story:
World's bamboo supply threatened by increase in panda population. Say goodbye to your bamboo wood floors, mats, or decorations of any sorts as pro panda affiliates begin sending their goons to each home in the nation to confiscate all things bamboo related to feed the ravenous population of pandas. Naturally all families will be compensated for their bamboo paraphernalia in Zimbabwe dollars.

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That'll teach you to keep your mouth shut. Hemingway

If people would just listen to Drew Carey & have their pandas

Spade or nudered, this wouldn't have happened.

It was probably the pandas.

Gold markets collapse on rumors Puffy D has switched to silver

Bling.

It was probably the pandas.

Washington issues casting call for new states

No age restrictions, and you can't be turned down for medical reasons. ..

It was probably the pandas.

I had to walk all the way here,

And my legs are soar like an eagle.

AUM

Congress debates where to dump surplus bombs

Sudan, Syria and Sudetenland all being considered.

It was probably the pandas.

If you are secreting plots

you may want to see a doctor about that... it sounds kinda gross.

I just keep secreting and secreting...

●●•••

It was probably the pandas.

ChristianAnarchist's picture

I had that once... Very

I had that once... Very painful.

Beware the cult of "government"...

child places firecracker in toilet

Completely unanticipated behavior stuns community

It was probably the pandas.

New bear spray app protects user from bears

It was probably the pandas.

Green Bay Packers sign Joe Berger mid-play

It was probably the pandas.

Hawaii raises surf conditions to

Hurricane yo.

It was probably the pandas.

New renters and landlords encouraged to take lots of selfies at

start and end of residency

It was probably the pandas.

I have a few questions.

I would hate to be deemed incompliant. (Is that a word. Hmmm... noncompliant, uncompliant...)

Anyway:
1. Together or seperately?
2. With or without clothing?
3. Do we send them to the NSA ourselves... or will they collect them automatically?

Thanks for helping me maintain my complacency.

Just make sure any damage is in the selfie...

This will help settle disputes come security deposit time.

It was probably the pandas.

Merck Media launches new TV series 'Everybody Loves Floboxicin'

To debut in coveted 2:30 am time slot

It was probably the pandas.

report: gays now easier to identify than the blacks

Coming up next - Puerto Rican laborers taller than expected

It was probably the pandas.

Obama: I will turn off the sun if a debt deal is not reached

Obama to Turn off Sun if Debt Deal not Reached

Donned in grass skirt and festooned with baubles, president Obama addressed Congress today, waving his spirit stick in an ominous manner and threatening to turn off the sun if his budget proposal isn't passed by the next full moon...

Obama on the throne
.....

It was probably the pandas.

St. Louis Rams sign first openly black gay man

Pass rusher said to be light in the cleats.

It was probably the pandas.

Western Union to sue Eastern Bloc for infringement of Trademark

Claim name too closely resembles theirs.

It was probably the pandas.

America changes motto to 'hey your entitled to your opinion

man.'

It was probably the pandas.

2 and a 1/2 Broke Girls beat out We are Mental

Death.....

It was probably the pandas.

Nation Elects 44th White President

It was probably the pandas.

Government Holds 'Going Into Business' Sale

Promises thousands of new state prison jobs

How to not be a troll accidentally.

It was probably the pandas.

Economic Crisis Looms as Nation's Thin Air Supply is Depleted

The thin air out from which the United States' money supply is printed is facing supply shortages, and may trigger a collapse as reserves run dry, according to sources within the local Associated Bank, over by the free coffee.

"I tried to buy some thin air the other day for my sister's birthday but the balloon lady said they were all out" said the source who will remain anonymous as we never asked their name.

The thin air supply is protected by the National Thin Air Reserve and since 1927 has been controlled by the Thin Air Control Act due to its usefulness in cryogenics, war, and good times at parties.

It was probably the pandas.

Hadn't seen this one.

Nice work.

Séamusín

methlife insurance company declares bankruptcy

Blames Flaming Spider Epidemic

It was probably the pandas.