(The Onion) What A Government Shutdown Means For YouSubmitted by Chris Madcowski on Sun, 10/06/2013 - 15:23
-You will still be able to send and receive mail, but any attempt to poison government officials will have to be held off until they return to their offices after the shutdown ends
-This probably won’t have any actual effect on your marriage, but it’s better to blame it on this than facing what the real issues are
-Any harm that may occur to you during the shutdown will still affect your body in real life. Essentially, if you die in the shutdown, you die for real.