Watchdog Group Warns of Powerful Jackboot LobbySubmitted by Ed Ucation on Fri, 10/11/2013 - 16:02
Help End Ass Raping Tyranny, a government watchdog group concerned with the rising police state, has issued a press release warning of a powerful group behind many recent government encroachments of civil liberties.
The release states: "The crackdown in whistleblowers. The crackdown on medical marijuana. The crackdown on bitcoins. The crackdown on free journalism. What do these things have in common? They all require a crackdown. And what is the one thing needed for a good cracking down?"
The release quotes several SWAT team captains:
"We've tried other things. We've tried sneakers, moccasins, and even flip-flops. But I tell you, when you are trying to crush an old lady's humerus, I'll take a jackboot over any other footware."
"We've had several accidents with team members wearing Tevas and slipping on canine blood and causing too many Worker's Comp incidents."
"I had one health-conscious member wear Vibram Five Fingers to a raid. Well, we raided the wrong house, and when a priceless China collection fell on his toes as we were spraying it with gunfire, let me tell you, he went right to jackboots on the next raid."
The watchdog group claims that there is one clear benefactor of all these policies: the powerful jackboot lobby. According to the president, this group has steadily risen to power, influencing policies for ever increasing profits.
A spokesman for the group refused to comment. One Congressman, who is alleged to be a key liaison for the lobby, reached out to us anonymously for comment:
"I can't tell you how many problems HEART has caused me. If it was up to me, I would get rid of all traces of HEART from this place. Not that there are many. But even a little bit of that insidious HEART influence can damage the important jackboot industry that is so vital to our economy."