15 votes

Markets Panic as Bernanke Accidentally Breaks Magic Wand

Markets were in a tailspin on Monday as news spread of a press conference in which Bernanke broke his magic wand.

"I was in the front row when it happened," recalled Gene Bawerk, a financial reporter for the Baltimore Sun. "Bernanke was getting excited, gesturing about how he was going to wave the wand three times this week to reduce unemployment, when the unthinkable happened. His right arm, which held the magic wand, slammed into a bust of Galbraith that Bernanke has been carrying around with him. The wand cracked right into two, followed by shocked silence."

Economists were left scrambling to predict how low the markets will go.

"The economy is very angry," lamented Nobel Prize winner Tahk Autmayas. "We will all have to make sacrifices in the next few weeks. Blood sacrifices."

Bernanke was in full damage control today, explaining that while carving a new wand will take some time, the Fed gnomes are working overtime to make two wands this time, just in case another one breaks.

Meanwhile, fringe elements in the Economics School of Witchcraft and Wizardry tried to make the situation worse, with unsubstantiated conspiracy theories that claim that the magic was inside all of us all along.



Trending on the Web

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.

When I first saw the headline

I thought it said he accidentally breaks wind, which would effect the market also.

quantitative queefing

!

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe."-- Albert Einstein

hahaha

six more weeks of economic winter?

Just get some Holly wood,

Just get some Holly wood, because that's literally what a witches wand is made of...it's all, "MAKE BELIEVE." The power of suggestion in a witches brew fills many cups.

Never be afraid to ask simple questions.

This is another example of

This is another example of the broken wand fallacy.

that was SUPPOSED to be the cheesy one.

not BILL3 silly!

(turn the scrip over)

I think HVACTech and BILL3 are the same person

That would explain some things. Classic Alinsky strategy.

“Although it was the middle of winter, I finally realized that, within me, summer was inextinguishable.” — Albert Camus

That made a bunch of us guffaw.

-

Free includes debt-free!

You're three people too?

You're three people too?

You're like the Human-Centipede...

ever see that movie

PEOPLE OPPOSING TYRANNY - Real Grass Roots!
Are you a POT or a PET - Person Embracing Tyranny?

your moms a centipede.

(j/k) nah heard about it haven't seen.

The others may be along shortly.

-

Free includes debt-free!

Did you just insult me?

if so, I am mad as hell.

instead of LMFAO!

I wouldn't leave you guessing.

Ya gonna use the club?

Free includes debt-free!

some Trolls are SO transparent.

that I just cannot help myself sometimes.

it irritates me that they come here.
this has been a place of learning for me. I think they intentionally try to discourage people from learning truth.
that galls me.

you are a person that I would like to meet one fine day.... but you already know that.

Meeting the DP HVACTech is in my plans, also.

Missed Tampa ;-(

Lethe, the river of forgetfulness, was one of the five rivers of the Greek underworld, the other four being Styx (the river of hate), Akheron (the river of sorrow), Kokytos (the river of lamentation) and Phlegethon (the river of fire).

aLethe - literally without forgetfullness is Greek for truth.

Wise men get the truth on their side. It's unforgettable and rediscover-able.

Men have to be paid to haul honey-dip and keep it stirred.

That's the tell.

Free includes debt-free!

Choosing HVACTech was a defensive maneuver.

Looking back on it.
I had been here for about a year looking round.... people like you confused and educated me.

I joined just before the rally for the republic.... what I had on my mind was meeting fellow DP'ers.

somewhere.... along the way.... it became offensive.

The Romans learned from the Greeks mistake.....
is how I try to talk to people today.

Lethe, thanks for the profound understanding.
peace.
Heaven forbid that I should ever miss the distinction between Truth, and forgetfulness.

14486 here to your 13923. I

14486 here to your 13923.

I posted a lot comments at RonPaul2008.com. And watched a lot of videos at RonPaulforPresident2008.com

Didn't find any friends until I came to DP. Honest Dialogue and debate is refreshing.

I went back and looked some of my old, old comments.

The Old DP is still here, the signal to noise ratio has changed. A lot more noise these days.

Augustine in about 467AD wrote in a letter to Honorotus, "the rational creature (being fit to become aware of its ground)... is made in such a way that by itself it cannot be the good by which it becomes blessed."

Elsewhere he avers, "Thinking does not produce what is true but finds it".

Being honest and forthright is bravery of the highest caliber.

Being free requires self-sacrifice. It's sad that so many lack the honesty required.

It is reported Jesus aksed Peter three times, "If you love me care for my sheep."

But its gonna take money and time...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q2fdF4a59cc

Profound insights are unforgettable answers and rediscover-able centuries later. Nothing can stop an idea whose time has come.

Thanks for taking the time to dialogue with me.
Peace

Free includes debt-free!

Heh. Tauk Autmayass.

Heh. Tauk Autmayass.

YES! that IS what you do!

way to go killer, keep at,um!

Long time since I saw you

Long time since I saw you post. How's the liberty movement happening in your part of the country?

Doing what I can. Bro.

as of late, I openly rag on "Democracy" and see if they even know what the word means....
mostly... I find that they don't...

you s0n of a b1tch i thought

you s0n of a b1tch i thought yew died.

Nailed to the Wood, yes, I am.

you just totally made my day with that

and it was a good day already! thanks!

“Although it was the middle of winter, I finally realized that, within me, summer was inextinguishable.” — Albert Camus

When you mentioned QE in the drone post...

I thought you were going to make a sex joke.

In fact, you may just have.

:)

Pandacentricism will be our downfall.

Ha! It took me a while to get that....

At first, I thought you were referring to this:
http://www.dailypaul.com/302455/prison-officials-crack-quant...

ewwwwww.....Bernanke's "magic wand." I just don't think of him that way.

“Although it was the middle of winter, I finally realized that, within me, summer was inextinguishable.” — Albert Camus

Great - now I'm thinking about... nevermind.

No no no - quantitative easing.

Quantitative easing.

Pandacentricism will be our downfall.