Markets Panic as Bernanke Accidentally Breaks Magic WandSubmitted by Ed Ucation on Tue, 10/15/2013 - 19:55
Markets were in a tailspin on Monday as news spread of a press conference in which Bernanke broke his magic wand.
"I was in the front row when it happened," recalled Gene Bawerk, a financial reporter for the Baltimore Sun. "Bernanke was getting excited, gesturing about how he was going to wave the wand three times this week to reduce unemployment, when the unthinkable happened. His right arm, which held the magic wand, slammed into a bust of Galbraith that Bernanke has been carrying around with him. The wand cracked right into two, followed by shocked silence."
Economists were left scrambling to predict how low the markets will go.
"The economy is very angry," lamented Nobel Prize winner Tahk Autmayas. "We will all have to make sacrifices in the next few weeks. Blood sacrifices."
Bernanke was in full damage control today, explaining that while carving a new wand will take some time, the Fed gnomes are working overtime to make two wands this time, just in case another one breaks.
Meanwhile, fringe elements in the Economics School of Witchcraft and Wizardry tried to make the situation worse, with unsubstantiated conspiracy theories that claim that the magic was inside all of us all along.