8 votes

Jesus Needs to B1tchslap Some People

Seriously, the more I deal with people the more I support an imminent divine military coup. The time is long over due.

There will be weeping and gnashing of teeth?
Boo hoo

Man, people are bad. They're worse than me.
Are the sins of the flesh worse than my spiritual profanity?

I want to love all people. I drink down their ugly grimaces, petty cruelty, blank stares and effete cynicism, like gall.

I am surrounded by puffed up sociopaths, morally inverted, bankrupt cowards, single purposed buffoons led by the nose by a heavenly dollar bill on a string, and watch the good and the weak eat the short end of the stick.

The good need to get strong, and the strong need to get good.

There is a madhouse waiting to be built, called the world.

The inmates are ruling the asylum.

Animals are running the zoo, prowl the streets and eat the innocent.

The fat of the rich droops over waistbands and drips over the cup like a burnt offering to a golden calf.

They live behind their gates and the good get poorer and weaker and more deluded, they become worse and less good.

Is it not time for a heavenly wrath, a sword of the lamb?

Are not the good, who are still strong, in danger of brimming over with derision for all of gods mangled creation?

Will the good not have to become bad to redeem God of this sin of his botched world?

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Has it ever occurred to anyone that...

Has it every occurred to anyone that maybe God didn't botch creation? That maybe the sad state of this world hangs completely on man's head and that the fact that God didn't completely wipe out all of humanity is the ultimate testament of his patience and long-suffering amid the throngs of corrupted blasphemers and assorted rubbish under the guise of people?

Is it possible that maybe all of us, including the so-called best of us, deserve this world? Is it possible that maybe there aren't any good people, just lesser degrees of evil?

I think one thing holds true regardless. Man, even at his best and most pious, is simply an unprofitable servant, and he does well when he remembers that.

“My attitude toward progress has passed from antagonism to boredom. I have long ceased to argue with people who prefer Thursday to Wednesday because it is Thursday.” - G.K. Chesterton

metalhed19's picture

Bill3 strikes again, nice

Bill3 strikes again, nice post man. My favorite line "I am surrounded by puffed up sociopaths, morally inverted, bankrupt cowards, single purposed buffoons led by the nose by a heavenly dollar bill on a string, and watch the good and the weak eat the short end of the stick."

*Wisconsin Constitution* Article I, Section 25 "The people have the right to keep and bear arms for security,defense,hunting,recreation or any other law-abiding purpose"

I wonder how he would react

If, when bitch slapped, they turned the other cheek.

Give everyone a spliff and some sandals

Watch the world chill the F out.

He best get on with it then....

Time is running out.

Why would any loving deity let the good suffer so?

What would the Founders do?

A kinder, gentler Jesus?

Merely bit schlappin'?
Usually that mass-murdering sociopath will send a flood or an earthquake or a swarm of mosquitos and kill thousands of heathen scum -- serves them right for being born in some back-water cul-de-sac where Yeshua's holy name has yet to appear. That'll learn 'em. Next time maybe they'll be born Jewish or Republican the way god intended.

dynamite anthrax supreme court white house tea party jihad
West of 89
a novel of another america

As the man said in "The Rocketeer":

"It's all part of the show".

How can we learn the need for righteousness until we have had a bellyful of wickedness? How can we appreciate good until we have witnessed the consequences of evil?

The orthodox Christian doctrine, that somehow Man's disobedience was not planned by God so that He had to rescue us from the results of our sin and sent His Son down from heaven to do the job, is not entirely true.

God always intended for Man to sin and sent His creature, the serpent, satan, the devil, to make sure he did. He then gave us His Law and His Prophets to reveal His purpose to us before He sent His Son to us so that we could be absolutely certain that He is sovereign and that He will give us beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness. (Isaiah 61:3)

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved.

In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth." (Ephesians 1:3-10)

"Therefore, get your minds ready for action by being fully sober, and set your hope completely on the grace that will be brought to you when Jesus Christ is revealed. Like obedient children, do not comply with the evil urges you used to follow in your ignorance, but, like the Holy One who called you, become holy yourselves in all of your conduct, for it is written, “You shall be holy, because I am holy.”

And if you address as Father the one who impartially judges according to each one’s work, live out the time of your temporary residence here in reverence. You know that from your empty way of life inherited from your ancestors you were ransomed – not by perishable things like silver or gold, but by precious blood like that of an unblemished and spotless lamb, namely Christ.

He was foreknown before the foundation of the world but was manifested in these last times for your sake. Through him you now trust in God, who raised him from the dead and gave him glory, so that your faith and hope are in God.

You have purified your souls by obeying the truth in order to show sincere mutual love. So love one another earnestly from a pure heart. You have been born anew, not from perishable but from imperishable seed, through the living and enduring word of God. For all flesh is like grass and all its glory like the flower of the grass; the grass withers and the flower falls off, but the word of the Lord endures forever.

And this is the word that was proclaimed to you." (1 Peter 1:13-25)

"Jesus answered them: 'Truly, truly, I say to you, everyone who commits sin is a slave to sin. The slave does not remain in the house forever; the son remains forever. So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.'" (John 8:34-36)


What is the difference between a bitch slap and a mere slap?

I don't have a problem with nature ...

I don't see other animals screwing each other over. That seems to be a behavior unique to humans.

However the Lord might have been on to something when he called up God and said ... hey God ... I think there might be a problem with that secret formula you gave me to form man out of dust. I know you were supervising my work and all but it seems to have turned into shit. Let us give these turds a good flush with a flood.

animals screw each other over all the time

Members of the mustelid family are particularly bloodthirsty. Fishers will kill all the chickens in a coop just for fun. River otters will kill all the trout in a stream as a form of play.

“The welfare of the people in particular has always been the alibi of tyrants.” — Albert Camus

I guess he meant

I guess he meant intra-species screwing rather than inter-species killing/food-chain.

cats and butter

I set two dollops of butter in front of two cats. The fast eating cat quickly licked his up then hooked his claw into the dollop that was being licked upon by the slower cat.

Yes, he did.



yeah, I like it. Well said. Nothing to add.

God forgives always. Man forgives sometimes. But Nature never forgives.

how about a throwing star instead?


“The welfare of the people in particular has always been the alibi of tyrants.” — Albert Camus

No Jesuses were offended in

No Jesuses were offended in this production (I hope).

I think that Jesus

would have enjoyed the question.