Schoolyard Disappointment As Council of Bullies Rules In Favor of BullySubmitted by Ed Ucation on Mon, 11/25/2013 - 01:29
A decision rendered in the schoolyard of Our Holy Father Lincoln Elementary School is being met with some controversy. Prestie Tudhoar is reporting from the scene.
"Hi, Donna. It all started yesterday, when Johnny Shippleton, age 8, got his lunch money taken by Ira Ess. Ira Ess is a licensed bully and is entitled, based on the Schoolyard Agreement, to take lunch money every third day. However, Johnny insisted that Ira took his lunch money two days in a row. Tell us what happened next, Johnny."
"Thank you, ma'am. I should explain about our Schoolyard Agreement first. There used to a lot of chaos on our schoolyard. You never knew what was going to happen as you were minding your business in the sandbox, or swinging on the swings. A bully could come at any time and pour sand down your shirt, push you off the swings, or take your stuff. It was a miserable existence for everyone. Sometimes, we were lucky and the bullies would fight each other, but most of the time, they would pick on the rest of us."
"So what did you do about it, Johnny?"
"Well, we got together with the bullies and came up with the Agreement. The strongest of the bullies formed the Council, which would protect us. In return for their protection, we would give them our lunch money each third day. It was only fair. No one expects them to protect us for free. We also agreed that they could beat on us once a week to keep their bullying skill in good shape. We wouldn't want them to go soft when we need them."
"And what about disagreements? Surely they are bound to come up."
"Yes, we all foresaw the need for resolving conflicts that would come up. That's where the Council comes in. The Council would dispense judgments on any problems that would come up with the Council. We originally wanted to form a committee of nerdy kids, but the bullies pointed out that the nerdy kids are really easy to bully around. They could easily be threatened and swayed. Therefore, the judgments had to be made by bullies."
"I see. And so when your lunch money got taken, you brought it up with the Council?"
"Naturally. I presented my case and brought forth several witnesses. Unfortunately, the Council ruled in favor of Ira. They said a day simply means 24 hours, and that Ira ended his first three day period immediately after taking my lunch money on Tuesday, and that when he took my money on Wednesday, it was his next three day period. They later amended the rules to make this interpretation part of the rules. Sure enough, when I went to check the wall where we wrote the rules, the change was there."
"That's unfortunate. But you are upset."
"Of course I am upset. They should have told us about the interpretation change before it happened."
"And the bullies have agreed to inform you of future changes in interpretation?"
"Yes, yes they have. After much campaigning and protesting in the sandbox, we have secured a victory. They have agreed to inform us of future changes in interpretation as they happen. Though they did reserve the right to interpret broadly the words 'change' and 'interpretation.' But it's still a win for us."
"So as we can see, Donna, even though the schoolyard was initially upset, the story does have a happy ending. Back to you, Donna."