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Black Friday Freakout Open Thread (lavishly illustrated, more pics, vids, 40% more lavish)

Before I immerse you in the ink black pool of Black Friday Blitz, I offer you this relaxing opportunity to observe the annual gathering up hump back whales on Thanksgiving night. I can only imagine every one of their refrigerators was packed to the gunnels with heaping piles of leftovers at that moment but as you can see, instinct drives them to hoard up more in preparation for winter hibernation.


And now.....



First, the attackers overrun the castle guard.....


That was after yesterday's Thanksgiving warm up in which an officer was injured. OFFICER DOWN OFFICER DOWN!


More police are deployed...


Rabid shoppers then began sharpening their fangs on convenient rocks in preparation for tonight's bloodletting. Their senses have been honed by weeks of commercial broadcasting, they have trained all year, these are the elite of competitive shoppers going head to head in...


Once again the lines form. By the thousands.

I understand these people are queueing up for "iWhatevers". Most of these people don't even know what's inside the box.

This is really cute. These adorable kids have hidden in the shelves and they are making funny noises as people walk by. they aren't really hurting anything. It's so sweet...until....

Yup, it's the Asian Dr. Evil. Sorry kiddies, YOUR TERMINATED. Unfortunately bad men like good deals too.

Here's where the training really kicks in. Center screen, big guy in red black and grey jacket.

Do NOT get in that man's way, he's a pro. I remember him from the finals last year. Mark my words, that man has a great career as a competitive shopper ahead of him, we'll follow him with great interest. Bill3's favorite draft pick incidentally.

The melee quickly escalates. You can actually see two separate fights in this one as we have our first man down.

FIRST MAN DOWN! FIRST MAN DOWN! Oh wait, that's a gal. Using a taser. In a shopping mall. Looks like she did pretty well for herself. She escaped with her life and a new toaster.

More cops are called in to supervise the distribution of....whatever the heck is in those boxes. See, THIS IS WHY WE NEED COPS PEOPLE.

This is truly the mark of an advanced society. In Haiti they need guys with guns to distribute silly things like food and water. We need them to protect our precious supplies of whatever the hell those thingamajiggies are. (Extra points for sound track diversity on this one.)

We're gonna need more cops.

At 2:21 we see an unfortunate injured combattant being led away from the fray. He fought bravely, he fought well but this fight will be his last. He will be remembered.

OK seriously, we need more cops.

Hellooooo, cops?

Beuler? Beuler? Beuler?

With stuff like this I don't miss Mutual Of Omaha's Wild Kingdom quite so much anymore. It's really helping me deal with the pain.

This next one was just made with awesome specifically in mind.


Things have gotten so out of control it has attracted the interest of French people. Do you know what it takes to get French people to care about anything besides France? Well, apparently it takes us. In our natural habitats.

The above is Treubig's vote for best in class because after all the sickening disillusionment so far, you get to see Santa Claus arrested.

Yeah, it happened. *sigh*

Give those cops coal in their stocking and they'll munch it down like pretzels.

Now if the French get involved, give me one good reason why OWS anarchists shouldn't. And while you think up that shining gem of logic,

Oops. They beat us to it, delivering yet another utterly incomprehensible yet VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE. See your local hippy for more details. And the best smoke in town. Also note their incredible abililty to be so very visible and audible while simultaneously being completely ignorable. Treu loves the fact that some people chanting are serving the dual purposes of rebelling against consumer culture while holding their place on the checkout line. With shopping carts loaded.

At this rate they'll have this capitalist system torn down in no time.

Or wait...

uh-oh it's the march of the giant plasma screens! Run hippies!

aaaaaaaaand POW! BOOYA! Not so fast hippy...

That's officer Bruce McLee with the awesome clothesline. That'll make a popular Christmas card this year.

It's just nice to see poorer and richer....

Older and younger....

...come together for the holidays. Everybody loves Christmas. Or hanukah. Or kwanza. The holiday season. Thanksgivoweezus. Or just plain shopping. It's important to note that currently trending on youtube are "Black Friday Haul" videos where the shopping world is currently showing itself what it just bought. In addition to hashtags #blackFridayHaul, #wallmartfight and #brawlmart.

So what does "yer basic Black Friday Haul" video look and sound like? Trust me you do NOT want to know. And that is why I'm gonna show you one. Make it all the way through this and we have psychiatric professionals standing by to treat you.

See that really is just there to screw with your mind. It's part of the whole experience. Just go with it man, don't try to fight it.

If you are still alive and do not require immediate counseling, this one is just transcendent. We did NO POST PRODUCTION EFFECTS or anything on this, this is raw "Black Friday Haul" footage selected very nearly at random. You may actually feel you are hallucinating. This is normal.

Those eyes still have that predatory glaze in them. Now imagine thousands of them oogling you. They will tear the meat off your body. This is what retail workers had to deal with all day. DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT THESE PEOPLE GO THROUGH NOW?

Not even sure what category this one goes in but the gal using a box of consumer products as a stepping stool to get what she wants?

I mean, why not walk all over something if you never intended to pay for it anyway? And somehow that one pic kinda sums it up for me. It's freedom, baby and sometimes you gotta walk all over somebody else's stuff to get yours.

The clear losers so far appear to be Apple fanbois who have nothing but rather stylish gift cards to content themselves with instead of the usual technobling. Here's to hoping for The Gates Of Christmas Past.

Oh that was horrible. Ugh. Terrible. I admit it. When you've gone this far there's no reason not to throw these guys into it...

At least somebody's having fun...without risking life and limb. Kinda. This is the safest activity we've seen in this whole strange journey.

Anyways, See ya real soon!

(All images/video content are hotlinked, copyright issues abound. If you like this piece save a local copy, it doesn't exist in this form anyplace else and nobody likes hotlinkers. Thanks also to the DP chatters for content and enduring inspiration.)

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Awesome compilation and

Awesome compilation and commentary. Nice stress buster for a monday :)

What Zombie Apocalypse???


"We are not human beings having a spiritual experience; we are spiritual beings having a human experience"—Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

These Folks

are one step removed from the Free Shyt Army.

If this is what Amerika's come to, I don't miss it ate-all.

Giving away free food/drink?

Shucks I thought that was outlawed years ago in the USSA.

Yeah there is balance. Never fear.

Some say that my stuff is "like The Onion" but it's actually the opposite. They take an outright lie and make it sound believable. I take reality and make it a farce. All I had to do here was take extreme examples of behavior from all over the nation and assemble them into one narrative. That narrative suggests that this is the new normal. And it's not and you know it. Most people in most places had a fine time.

I pulled the old cherry picking routine on you. Classic.

Be brave, be brave, the Myan pilot needs no aeroplane.

Another for your collection? Meet 'Stun Gun Lady'...

a leader by example:


"Before the stun gun was used, the two women were fighting and punching each other."

Oh, thank goodness they tried to work out their differences in a suitable fashion before firing up their electrified brass knuckles...

Defeat the panda-industrial complex

I am dusk icon. anagram me.


Ahhh, I see what you did there! Very clever, you sneaky libertarian you. ;)

tasmlab's picture

Is this how RMBs are converted to USD?

Looking for you Austro punks to answer: Is this how the Chinese money we borrow from China gets converted to USD?

- US govt borrows RMB from China, put it in the bank.
- Walmart borrows RMB from bank to buy shit from Chinese manufacturers.
- US consumers buy Chinese shit from Walmart with USD.
- Walmart pays back bank with USD.
- Bank repays US Government with USD
- Govt spends USD to buy weapons, pay welfare checks, subsidize business, pay salaries
- Rinse/repeat


Great compendium of pictures and comments BTW. Ridiculous looking consumerism doesn't help the defense of capitalism in broad terms IMO. I.e., the argument that regular folk are victims to materialism/consumerism looks true when they appear to be feeding at the trough like drunken pigs.

Currently consuming: Morehouse's "Better off free", FDR; Wii U; NEP Football

Remember that USD is the

Remember that USD is the world reserve currency and tied to oil. Also companies and stores directly pay in USD for foreign goods since those foreign countries need USD to buy oil. In addition, China, specifically, hoards USD for other reasons apart from buying oil.

And USD is also a debt-based currency. In the most classic sense, if you pay USD to a person in exchange of a good, then in effect you are borrowing that good (or its equivalent value) since the dollar note is actually a debt note.

This is why major exporters to US are seeing massive inflation in their economy, since US can conveniently export a major part of the USD debt and inflation to other countries. Other countries see massive inflation even if they print a small amount of extra currency whereas US can immorally get away with printing extra USD.

And the sad part is

many or most of these people are "Christians" who are buying crap for a pagan and sinful holiday and helping to support a system that keeps them in blissful ignorant servitude.

There will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.


I maxed out seven credit cards and broke 20 windows for Black Friday. Def doing my fair share to help stimulate and grow the economy.

Credit = Jobs !!!! Yay $99 TV

Credit = Jobs !!!! Yay $99 TV yayyy

Southern Agrarian

Pure Example

of Sheeple.

I'd a stomped that one lady - all grabbin' and


Defeat the panda-industrial complex

I am dusk icon. anagram me.

I'll buy from local, non

I'll buy from local, non franchised businesses between now and the new years and my girlfriend and I have been hand making our Christmas presents the last two years. The people in these videos are the ones I wont pity come Currency-D-Day.

Southern Agrarian

Wrong again.In response to Velveeta...i

All the things you say don't matter, really do. I care what my neighbor does to his kids especially if my kids will be attending the same school, sports, etc that his will be. I care how an employer treats his workers, it affects if I shop there. I also care if a politician is being a bad actor and doing cocaine inbetween shifts because he is being paid by me and is representing my interest.

You can't have liberty without ethics and morals or else you get exploitation, corruption, and that violence you say you don't want. When a soldier kills a child in Afghanistan and is allowed to return home with no consequence (he was only following orders), he may bring his degraded values home to roost. In fact, I have seen it. What if he targets you?

It is called liberty, not libertine and we do have responsibilities if we want to keep it.

Now the Lord is that Spirit: and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty.
www.yaliberty.org - Young Americans for Liberty
www.ivaw.org/operation-recovery - Stop Deploying Traumatized Troops

And that is part of the

And that is part of the reason you get "faith-based" politicians who are willing to lie to you to get your vote. I'd rather have an honest politician capable of doing the job, not bringing religion in to it, then have their time in office limited so they cannot make a career of it.

we have never 'done' Black Friday at our house--

but one year there was a large regional hardware store (not a national chain) that had an item we wanted for one of our children--

we went before T-day to try to get it and were told to come back on Black Friday--

(we didn't)

After Black Friday it was gone. It was an item that normally would be found year-round.

We found an alternative somewhere else on another day, but it helped us to see how entrenched this notion is.

One of our children is very introspective, a real thinker, well-educated, who prefers reading to going 'out'--

but has been very successful in retail management--

cares a lot about customer service and treating people well--

has seen 'it all'--

HATES this time of year; practically weeps over it--

it's really quite inhumane to honest people who work in retail--

it's almost over; soon over.

I think the 'thing' I have to work hard to avoid is a feeling of arrogance because *I* am not like these people--

Everyone has his/her limit, his/her point at which he/she will fight--

and working to build a rich inner character, a character that will be strong in the face of adversity and temptation is a lifelong goal--

I think that sometimes *our* entire pop culture encourages this--

team sports; what are they if not combat?

it's hard to be awake; it's easier to dream--

Such animosity and anger in

Such animosity and anger in all of these photos/vids of "holiday" shopping... I would never be apart of any insane black friday event.

This demonstrates why voting will never solve America's problems

Does anyone here really believe that voting can solve our problems even IF there was no voter fraud?

This post shows the mass zombie apocalypse intelligent people are competing with in elections.

To everyone who thinks competing with the mass of welfare zombies in elections will ever bring remedy to our current situation then I would suggest that you are daydreaming. The videos here show what we are dealing with.

Consciously maintaining lawful precedent congruent with the DOI is the only option I see for peacefully protecting our rights but even this avenue is rapidly going away because of everyone just focusing on politics and letting scumbag attorneys shape case law.

If you still think voting is going uphold the Constitution and protections of law then good luck with that. I'll see you in the courts after you realize the insanity of democracy.

The most powerful Law of Nature is Time. It is finite and we all will run out of it. Use this Law to your advantage, for it offers you infinite possibilities...


I agree.

It's very sad.

it's hard to be awake; it's easier to dream--

What I really do wonder is,

What I really do wonder is, if people are injured or die on a certain company's property, doesn't that company have some liability?

Plan for eliminating the national debt in 10-20 years:

Overview: http://rolexian.wordpress.com/2010/09/12/my-plan-for-reducin...

Specific cuts; defense spending: http://rolexian.wordpress.com/2011/01/03/more-detailed-look-a

This is an addiction to save a buck

on degraded product.

I consider these stores war zones on Black Friday, or Gray Thursday - whatever they are calling it these days.

If you value your life, stay away. Go buy your gifts on Amazon if you want to save some dough. At least you won't have to deal with the lowest common denominator confusing your neck for the pavement.

Now the Lord is that Spirit: and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty.
www.yaliberty.org - Young Americans for Liberty
www.ivaw.org/operation-recovery - Stop Deploying Traumatized Troops

what I am thankful for

That neither my family, nor my better half's family, give presents on Xmas

“The welfare of the people in particular has always been the alibi of tyrants.” — Albert Camus

meekandmild's picture

I avoid going to the shopping district between

Thanksgiving and New Year's day.

oh man....

So so lavish. :p

≈ ≈ ≈ ≈ ≈ ≈ ≈ ≈ ≈ ≈ ≈ ≈
"Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make
violent revolution inevitable."
John F. Kennedy

can/has someone made a video

of this madness with one of those beautiful old xmas songs mixed over it?

Official Daily Paul BTC address: 16oZXSGAcDrSbZeBnSu84w5UWwbLtZsBms
Rand Paul 2016

We were thinking of doing exactly that lols!


Here, I'll let you in behind the curtain.

On the DP chat we do a fair amount of conspiring, a lot of brainstorming, trying different ideas often just for fun. So we were bouncing around Black Friday and we said hey we should to a mashup and put it to the trax of our own Lunartechnoid....

but we figured another fun dimension would be to do an open thread and get people to post the best stuff and in that way kinda "vote" on what the inputs would be right?

Well it wasn't going fast enough or people just started PMing me links so what the heck, I just jumped in the driver's seat and rammed it into gear. And hit the gas.

So now that I've assembled the best in one place, maybe somebody else wants to do the mashup. Go for it.

Be brave, be brave, the Myan pilot needs no aeroplane.