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Black Friday Freakout Open Thread (lavishly illustrated, more pics, vids, 40% more lavish)

Before I immerse you in the ink black pool of Black Friday Blitz, I offer you this relaxing opportunity to observe the annual gathering up hump back whales on Thanksgiving night. I can only imagine every one of their refrigerators was packed to the gunnels with heaping piles of leftovers at that moment but as you can see, instinct drives them to hoard up more in preparation for winter hibernation.


And now.....



First, the attackers overrun the castle guard.....


That was after yesterday's Thanksgiving warm up in which an officer was injured. OFFICER DOWN OFFICER DOWN!


More police are deployed...


Rabid shoppers then began sharpening their fangs on convenient rocks in preparation for tonight's bloodletting. Their senses have been honed by weeks of commercial broadcasting, they have trained all year, these are the elite of competitive shoppers going head to head in...


Once again the lines form. By the thousands.

I understand these people are queueing up for "iWhatevers". Most of these people don't even know what's inside the box.

This is really cute. These adorable kids have hidden in the shelves and they are making funny noises as people walk by. they aren't really hurting anything. It's so sweet...until....

Yup, it's the Asian Dr. Evil. Sorry kiddies, YOUR TERMINATED. Unfortunately bad men like good deals too.

Here's where the training really kicks in. Center screen, big guy in red black and grey jacket.

Do NOT get in that man's way, he's a pro. I remember him from the finals last year. Mark my words, that man has a great career as a competitive shopper ahead of him, we'll follow him with great interest. Bill3's favorite draft pick incidentally.

The melee quickly escalates. You can actually see two separate fights in this one as we have our first man down.

FIRST MAN DOWN! FIRST MAN DOWN! Oh wait, that's a gal. Using a taser. In a shopping mall. Looks like she did pretty well for herself. She escaped with her life and a new toaster.

More cops are called in to supervise the distribution of....whatever the heck is in those boxes. See, THIS IS WHY WE NEED COPS PEOPLE.

This is truly the mark of an advanced society. In Haiti they need guys with guns to distribute silly things like food and water. We need them to protect our precious supplies of whatever the hell those thingamajiggies are. (Extra points for sound track diversity on this one.)

We're gonna need more cops.

At 2:21 we see an unfortunate injured combattant being led away from the fray. He fought bravely, he fought well but this fight will be his last. He will be remembered.

OK seriously, we need more cops.

Hellooooo, cops?

Beuler? Beuler? Beuler?

With stuff like this I don't miss Mutual Of Omaha's Wild Kingdom quite so much anymore. It's really helping me deal with the pain.

This next one was just made with awesome specifically in mind.


Things have gotten so out of control it has attracted the interest of French people. Do you know what it takes to get French people to care about anything besides France? Well, apparently it takes us. In our natural habitats.

The above is Treubig's vote for best in class because after all the sickening disillusionment so far, you get to see Santa Claus arrested.

Yeah, it happened. *sigh*

Give those cops coal in their stocking and they'll munch it down like pretzels.

Now if the French get involved, give me one good reason why OWS anarchists shouldn't. And while you think up that shining gem of logic,

Oops. They beat us to it, delivering yet another utterly incomprehensible yet VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE. See your local hippy for more details. And the best smoke in town. Also note their incredible abililty to be so very visible and audible while simultaneously being completely ignorable. Treu loves the fact that some people chanting are serving the dual purposes of rebelling against consumer culture while holding their place on the checkout line. With shopping carts loaded.

At this rate they'll have this capitalist system torn down in no time.

Or wait...

uh-oh it's the march of the giant plasma screens! Run hippies!

aaaaaaaaand POW! BOOYA! Not so fast hippy...

That's officer Bruce McLee with the awesome clothesline. That'll make a popular Christmas card this year.

It's just nice to see poorer and richer....

Older and younger....

...come together for the holidays. Everybody loves Christmas. Or hanukah. Or kwanza. The holiday season. Thanksgivoweezus. Or just plain shopping. It's important to note that currently trending on youtube are "Black Friday Haul" videos where the shopping world is currently showing itself what it just bought. In addition to hashtags #blackFridayHaul, #wallmartfight and #brawlmart.

So what does "yer basic Black Friday Haul" video look and sound like? Trust me you do NOT want to know. And that is why I'm gonna show you one. Make it all the way through this and we have psychiatric professionals standing by to treat you.

See that really is just there to screw with your mind. It's part of the whole experience. Just go with it man, don't try to fight it.

If you are still alive and do not require immediate counseling, this one is just transcendent. We did NO POST PRODUCTION EFFECTS or anything on this, this is raw "Black Friday Haul" footage selected very nearly at random. You may actually feel you are hallucinating. This is normal.

Those eyes still have that predatory glaze in them. Now imagine thousands of them oogling you. They will tear the meat off your body. This is what retail workers had to deal with all day. DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT THESE PEOPLE GO THROUGH NOW?

Not even sure what category this one goes in but the gal using a box of consumer products as a stepping stool to get what she wants?

I mean, why not walk all over something if you never intended to pay for it anyway? And somehow that one pic kinda sums it up for me. It's freedom, baby and sometimes you gotta walk all over somebody else's stuff to get yours.

The clear losers so far appear to be Apple fanbois who have nothing but rather stylish gift cards to content themselves with instead of the usual technobling. Here's to hoping for The Gates Of Christmas Past.

Oh that was horrible. Ugh. Terrible. I admit it. When you've gone this far there's no reason not to throw these guys into it...

At least somebody's having fun...without risking life and limb. Kinda. This is the safest activity we've seen in this whole strange journey.

Anyways, See ya real soon!

(All images/video content are hotlinked, copyright issues abound. If you like this piece save a local copy, it doesn't exist in this form anyplace else and nobody likes hotlinkers. Thanks also to the DP chatters for content and enduring inspiration.)

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Caught a tweet on #blackfridayfight that near about killed me

Wish I'd screen-capped that now but it was

"50% off at Best Buy if you throw your baby into a snakepit"

I'm wondering....how many people went home for baby?

Be brave, be brave, the Myan pilot needs no aeroplane.

BLACK FRIDAY = Well run lottery scam

No matter how you look it, 'Black Friday' is nothing more than a very well organized lottery and scam.

It's in violation of Federal and most state laws. These corporations don't even bother attaching the required 'Odds of Winning' statement normally associated with a contest, game of chance, or lottery.

www.SpiderWebbs.com (Take Your Bookmarks Wherever You Go!)

I was at the mall the other day

thinking that if a giant sinkhole opened up and swallowed the whole thing

the quality of life for everyone would not really change.

The shops with the fancy names are my favorite.

Why does a 10 dollar shirt with an alligator on it cost 75 dollars?

That's an expensive alligator.

because price is fueled by demand

all values are subjective

“The welfare of the people in particular has always been the alibi of tyrants.” — Albert Camus

just think

Just think what these animals will act like when food becomes scarce or real high priced :{ .

Yeah here it is. Lookin right at it.

Yup. And they call us crazy. We're the threat.

Be brave, be brave, the Myan pilot needs no aeroplane.

People really are savages...

This is evidence that people really are savages at heart. Give me give me give me.... that's the mantra I see here.

I would not and do not associate with this type of behaviour.

If an item means that much to someone, and people are willing to throw out their humanity (if they actually had any), then that item relegates someone to monkey status or below.

Loving others is most hard when it conflicts with what we want at any given time.


I CAN SEE THE WORLD RULERS LOOKING UPON SITUATIONS LIKE THIS, VERY PLEASED WITH WHAT THEY SEE. They too, are savages at heart and deserve not to be a ruler of anything, including themselves!

Love Liberty, be Vigilant

"Now the Lord is that Spirit: and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty" (2 Corinthians 3:17)

Faith in God will prevail all things!

spoken like a true conservative

Conservative - people are savages, they need a stern daddy, they need to be whacked on the head once in a while

Liberals - people are toddlers, they need a nanny to wipe their bib

Libertarians - people don't need anyone to look over them

“The welfare of the people in particular has always been the alibi of tyrants.” — Albert Camus

Not savages... NFL Wannabe's

And Emmanuel Sanders is Spider-man Wannabe


Oh, don't be absurd. These

Oh, don't be absurd. These are isolated incidents. How many millions more went shopping and had a fine time without incident. Just because you see a mass of people you think it's the end of the world? Please.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand SOME people around here....

just won't let ANYBODY have ANY FUN for ANY REASON.

Fine. We'll just sit here and await the apocalypse and be miserable. Some of my best material ever, an experiment in crafting a narrative in found and stolen objects, a post-modernist masterpiece of sardonic humor and.......

somebody cuts the cheeese.

Yeah we're lookin at YOU. VELVEETA.

Be brave, be brave, the Myan pilot needs no aeroplane.

I get your acerbic humor,

I get your acerbic humor, really I do. But even at the expense of blunting a witty shaggy dog joke, I'll defend capitalism for those who tend to come here and get the wrong ideas, mainly that Libertarians and/or Ron Paul supporters are anti-business, anti-freedom or anti-liberty. Consumerism is an expression of economic choice.


that's just like your opinion man.

And I, esteemed compatriot,

will hold a mirror of this right up to you and this nation.

And I purposefully left out some of the bad parts. The worst parts actually. So we might agree that I am clearly not showing you the whole truth, just part of it.

I also agree with you that consumerism is an expression of economic choice, this has not been in dispute for a moment. I think what you and some others find uncomfortable is that the evidence here presented indicates that it's also a moral choice, an ethical choice, a lifestyle choice and here we have a visible statement of these values.

And here it is. In living color. From all over this great land, verily from sea to shining sea.

This is the society and culture in which you live. Thank God for youtube, the denial factor was just too convenient without it.

Be brave, be brave, the Myan pilot needs no aeroplane.

Ethics, morals and lifestyle

Ethics, morals and lifestyle are none of my business. Needless to say, they're none of your business either, so long as no harm is done to others.

August 5 2011 - When everyone was hailing collapse 2.0

I was quietly, with precision, saying the S&P would exceed 1375

We do the black friday

We do the black friday shopping and we have probably before it was huge maybe in 1998? If done well it's a great bonding time with friends and family. I have noticed it get worse and worse each yeah, but this year it was actually pretty tame from where I live here in LA. Nobody was really that rude but then again I wasn't trying to fight for the 80% off item that they only have one of. I even got some friendly smiles out of people. The funny thing is, I saw I was going to have to wait in a line for an hour for something at best buy, i pulled out my smart phone and found the same deal online and bought it somewhere else for an even better price with free shipping. I like the internet for that. Safe shopping my friends!

People's lives are empty.

Trying to fill that hole with material things won't fix the problem.

I bet many will sit in Church on Sunday...

They need the Lord, the one true Lord, who created them and has a much better plan for them than this. There is an eternity and I am willing to bet there are no flat screen TV's there.

The law cannot make a wicked person virtuous…God’s grace alone can accomplish such a thing.
Ron Paul - The Revolution

Setting a good example is a far better way to spread ideals than through force of arms. Ron Paul

no flatscreens in heaven?

forget it, then

“The welfare of the people in particular has always been the alibi of tyrants.” — Albert Camus

The real question for you:

The real question for you: Is YOUR life empty?

Neither you, nor I can presume to know the inner thoughts of others.

that's true--


it's hard to be awake; it's easier to dream--

Safe to say

Crushing someones windpipe to save $10 bucks on an iPad = you live a very empty life.

These people don't even step back and realize how ridiculous all this standing in long lines when you could be connecting with your loved ones is all about.

Get a weekend off work while mother slaves to make a huge thanksgiving feast that children in other countries will never see, so I can rush out to the mall and strangle someone to get something that will "need" to be upgraded next season.

This is not love this is insanity.

Now the Lord is that Spirit: and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty.
www.yaliberty.org - Young Americans for Liberty
www.ivaw.org/operation-recovery - Stop Deploying Traumatized Troops

This just breaks my heart.

I can't believe how greedy, shallow and hateful people have become.
Christmas means different things to different people but this is so unbelievable. I stay home the entire weekend after Thanksgiving as I really do not want to be exposed to terrible mindless idiots.
I will take this moment to wish everyone a very merry Christmas, or Happy Holidays, which ever is to your liking.

Formerly rprevolutionist

Reminds Me Of George Carlin

"It just seems to me, that only a really low IQ population could have taken this beautiful continent, this magnificent American landscape that we inherited. Well actually we stole it from the Mexicans and the Indians, but hey, it was nice when we stole it. Looked pretty good, it was pristine. Paradise. Have you seen it lately? Have you taken a good look at it lately? It’s f***ing embarrassing. Only a nation of unenlightened half-wits could have taken this beautiful place and turned it into what it is today – a shopping mall. A big f***ing shopping mall. You know that, that’s all you’ve got here, folks. Mile after mile after mile of mall after mall. Many, many malls. Major malls and mini malls. They put the mini malls in between the major malls, and in between the mini malls, they put the mini marts. And in between the mini marts, you got the car lots, gas stations, muffler shops, laundry mats, cheap motels, fast food joints, strip clubs and dirty bookstores. America the beautiful. One big transcontinental commercial cesspool. And how do the people feel about all this? How do people feel about living in a coast to coast shopping mall? Well they think it’s JUST F***ING DANDY!" - George Carlin

The Treubig Show on Daily Paul Radio
*NEW* Spread Liberty with our free speech!


The Eagles - The last resort by 0Ztaylovic0

"The two weakest arguments for any issue on the House floor are moral and constitutional"
Ron Paul

Didn't George Carlin

Didn't George Carlin contribute to that consumer culture? Of course he did. He criticized (often very cleverly) for entertainment. Heck, he even had a prominent role in an Alex Winter and Keanu Reeves movie.

How sad there is virtually no where

left to go to get away from this insanity. These people will murder without thought if the S ever HTF.


most of the earth is still unpopulated

plenty of places to get away

“The welfare of the people in particular has always been the alibi of tyrants.” — Albert Camus

Even so, I believe people

Even so, I believe people skills are the most valuable skill in the world because no matter where you go, new people will be there.

I agree

Where ever you go, there you are.

“The welfare of the people in particular has always been the alibi of tyrants.” — Albert Camus