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Male Transgenders Making Life Increasingly Awkward for Homely Females

I'm not sure if this is humor or not... I don't mean it to be, although I've added some jokes to make it go down smoother.

I just wanted to share an increasingly common experience I've been having and get some advice from the DP community on how to approach it, in the interests of everyone's emotional well being. Has anyone else had this happen to them?

Now, whether its an especially homely and man-like woman, or just a boy exploring the full range of gender options which modern surgery and hormone therapy allow, I want to be nice to all.

All joking aside. I see a short haired, broad shouldered young person of indeterminate sex, well developed breasts, flawless eye shadow and a booming, well trained baritone voice, and my first impulse is to be as kind and friendly as possible, and to take a sincere interest in him or her as a unique individual.

The dilemma that dogs me is that, since I can't pin down the gender, I am not sure which tact to take in moving the conversation forward.

Whether its a male going on female, or just a woman who is less than blessed in the looks department (at least as defined by narrow modern gender stereotypes), I want to know so that I can finely hone in my approach toward maximum niceness and positivity.

In such a delicate situation, I don't know whether to celebrate the brave, sexual discovery process and the intrepid liberation of the girl trapped in the young man's body, or to extend all courtesies and gentle kindness to the actual woman standing in front of me, at the checkout counter, making her way in a hard world which places so high a value on superficial appearance.

Seriously, what could be more wrong than to make her suffer from extra awkwardness when she has already had to face so much to bloom and become confident and make her way in the world?

On the other had, for a boy who is dressed as a girl, it might be nice to notice and appreciate all the work he's put into his transformation, and give him an atta boy! and a high 5 on his glittery tight butt jeans and impressive man boobs.

But where doth the twain meet? Where does that leave the simple, backward, merely nice person such as I? Should I look at the floor and kick my feet, not make eye contact...?

In that identical self same situation, it would be utterly rude and perhaps devastating to insinuate to the young woman, who for all purposes just a normal woman and did not ask for the hand she was dealt, that she is doing a fine job appearing to be a woman and that the transition is going swimmingly.

There is no clean middle for how to act, depending on which quantum sexual state they are actually in.

It seems unfair to the homely woman that she need be mistaken for a transsexual man, and have insult added to injury when someone is awkwardly eyeing her and trying to figure out if she's a girl or a boy dressed as a girl. When the outcome is unclear, the conversation just dithers, and tha is as harsh a blow as open offense.

Have any of you figured out any novel ways for handling such an intimidating social situation, fraught with all the perils of offense and the danger of appearing to be insensitive?

I have personally been carrying around small cards, which I give indiscriminately to any and all I meet, with a check box for boy girl or other, and an age box, to avoid all potential offense to anyone. Sometimes I'll even pretend to be blind, which naturally mind offend the blind, but they don't know.

What say yous?

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To answer the question...

Even though this is an old thread:

Gender is in the mind, and sex is in the pants. Always treat someone as the gender they are trying to present. Someone wearing eye shadow, as mentioned in the original post, more than likely is trying to present themselves as female, whether they are genetically, or not.

meekandmild's picture


I swear to God someone needs to invent

Someone needs to invent a simple chromosome detection device that normal sane people can use to detect whether the costumed retard they are interacting with has a Y chromosome. All this "why can't you just treat them like a person" bullshit needs to stop. You idiots who deliberately refuse to distinguish between men and women are the problem with society. There is a huge difference between men and women. If it has XY chromosomes then address him as such and treat him like the man he truly is without regard to whatever retarded little transfreak costume it wears. The same if it a female with XX chromosomes. Stop sympathizing with these confused idiots. It's not that damn difficult. If you have XX chromosomes you are a female, nothing else. XY chromosomes you are a man, nothing else. Stop deliberately blurring the line to make us all a single-sexed single-race of freaks.

SSSshhhh! Don't feed the....

^^^^ Deeply closeted troll!

Troll = Lindsey Graham

Chelsea Manning = Hero and total hottie.

Peace, Gold, LOVE, baby! ;-)

reedr3v's picture

Wow, why would you be

so concerned with someone's sexuality, as long as it's peaceable? Why so much animosity for a private, peaceful matter?

Currently I'm in Bangkok. Thais are mostly tolerant and peaceable and have no obvious problem with gays or those who change their sexual identify. Individuals mostly get along; I have no idea if there may be some hostility or rejection where a foreigner such as myself cannot see it. I just notice the considerable population of what are called "ladyboys" and "tomboys" well integrated into the culture."

I believe acceptance of gays etc. is widespread in many countries. Why would you post such an intolerant view on a freedom site, since peace necessitates tolerance for a wide range of varying peaceful lifestyle choices?




I fell for an old-thread bump.

Defend Liberty!

You are thinking way too hard.

Their are more homely females than trannies.. The trannies became that way so that they could be treated like females.. So treat them both like females. Problem solved.

-Matthew Good


Hi Pat

Simple...who cares? Whether

Simple...who cares? Whether they are or not in NO WAY should affect your behaviour towards them. Its frankly none of business, the problem lies with you if your conversation is so focused on sex. I gaurantee you there are plenty of other things to talk about...and I am not even a social person.

Simple enough

If the person is presenting as female (breasts, clothes etc), then treat them like you would any other female.

I'd say I've come to live with bitter disapointment

Upon seeing the headline I though this better not be Cudnoski doing an Onion repost cause I love it already.

Then my heart lept for joy when I saw it was a Bill3 original!

Then it sank as you shied away from going full on comedy with this one.

Thanks for making my life so acutely what it was 5 minutes ago.

You suck Bill3.

Most of those who think so actually don't and most of those who think sew actually rip.

Feel free to re use the title

Feel free to re use the title lol.

You could try to just talk to

You could try to just talk to them as people, and not get so hung up on their sex, gender, orientation, etc.

"Pat" or "Chris" be thy name

Ambiguity is awkward


Pat Hand: ' the hand she(?) was dealt'

A lot of people say, "What's that?" It's Pat!
A lot of people ask, "Who's he? Or she?"
A ma'am or a sir, accept him or her
or whatever it might be.
It's time for androgyny.
Here comes Pat!



About twenty years ago I went to Reno Nevada visiting my folks and went with my Mom to get her hair done. Her beautician was very talented and quiet the artist, way into costume, make-up and hair. At the time I could sit on my hair and had no intentions of getting hair help. The beautician was obese; however, to her credit, she knew how to make herself beautiful.

We get to talking while she is doing my Mom's hair and she asks me if I would be interested in going to an event with her and she wanted to "dress me up". Why not? OK.. I did.

She definately dressed me up.. I'm 5'9" and with the 7" heals, I was 6'4", and all that long thick hair curled and teased to the point that I must have appeared to be about 7' tall of glamour.

So she takes me to a Hotel Casino I had never been to, The Sands, Reno, not Vegas, and upstairs is a Ballroom where there was the Coronation of the King and Queen.. and I had no idea what I had gotten myself into.. all I saw was really beautiful women, very handsome men, and I fit in just fine.. and every now and then would be someone who was not so beautiful and obviously a transvestite and I asked my hostess something like, "Are there two events being confused?." I remember her LOL and saying something about everyone being gay.. and then I had a little wake up.. which made me have to use the bathroom..

Well wouldn't you know it, the bathroom was cramed with queens prepping and "Oh girl"ing each other this and that.. all of a sudden, the hotel security come busting into the bathroom telling everyone to get out. I left the stall and security told me to "GET OUT!!", and I said, "I don't have to leave, I'm a woman." And he says "LIke HELL". GET OUT, to which.. ALL the queens who were in the bathroom started screaming: SHE'S A WOMAN!! SHE'S A WOMAN!!!"" And the hysterics had more security called, and people were coming out of the ballroom to see what all the screaming was about, and I was pulled over and questioned about being a women, which didn't last long. But it was all a very dramatic 5 minutes I will never forget.

Moral of the story.. don't worry about it. Finding something nice to say is always an ice breaker.

jrd3820's picture


Oh.... wow....
Thanks Granger.
Thanks. :)

a 6'4" Granger? and you think that is funny?

I somehow find it erotic. a Granger that could look me in the eye...flatfooted!
I am over 6'3" but not quite 6'4".
somehow, I would not feel the same way...
with a Grifter.

but then again...mebbe I might.

jrd3820's picture

I just thought the story in general was funny

Imagine all the queens in the bathroom and the police busting down the doors and then there is poor granger there trying to explain that she belongs there.
I'm about 5'2.... maybe 5'3 on a tall day. I don't wear heels. Ever. Under any circumstances. I don't drink much whiskey either. I don't remember the last time I had any whiskey.


That's one of the best

That's one of the best stories ever, thanks Granger

It's a trap!

It's a trap!