Male Transgenders Making Life Increasingly Awkward for Homely FemalesSubmitted by BILL3 on Fri, 11/29/2013 - 22:12
I'm not sure if this is humor or not... I don't mean it to be, although I've added some jokes to make it go down smoother.
I just wanted to share an increasingly common experience I've been having and get some advice from the DP community on how to approach it, in the interests of everyone's emotional well being. Has anyone else had this happen to them?
Now, whether its an especially homely and man-like woman, or just a boy exploring the full range of gender options which modern surgery and hormone therapy allow, I want to be nice to all.
All joking aside. I see a short haired, broad shouldered young person of indeterminate sex, well developed breasts, flawless eye shadow and a booming, well trained baritone voice, and my first impulse is to be as kind and friendly as possible, and to take a sincere interest in him or her as a unique individual.
The dilemma that dogs me is that, since I can't pin down the gender, I am not sure which tact to take in moving the conversation forward.
Whether its a male going on female, or just a woman who is less than blessed in the looks department (at least as defined by narrow modern gender stereotypes), I want to know so that I can finely hone in my approach toward maximum niceness and positivity.
In such a delicate situation, I don't know whether to celebrate the brave, sexual discovery process and the intrepid liberation of the girl trapped in the young man's body, or to extend all courtesies and gentle kindness to the actual woman standing in front of me, at the checkout counter, making her way in a hard world which places so high a value on superficial appearance.
Seriously, what could be more wrong than to make her suffer from extra awkwardness when she has already had to face so much to bloom and become confident and make her way in the world?
On the other had, for a boy who is dressed as a girl, it might be nice to notice and appreciate all the work he's put into his transformation, and give him an atta boy! and a high 5 on his glittery tight butt jeans and impressive man boobs.
But where doth the twain meet? Where does that leave the simple, backward, merely nice person such as I? Should I look at the floor and kick my feet, not make eye contact...?
In that identical self same situation, it would be utterly rude and perhaps devastating to insinuate to the young woman, who for all purposes just a normal woman and did not ask for the hand she was dealt, that she is doing a fine job appearing to be a woman and that the transition is going swimmingly.
There is no clean middle for how to act, depending on which quantum sexual state they are actually in.
It seems unfair to the homely woman that she need be mistaken for a transsexual man, and have insult added to injury when someone is awkwardly eyeing her and trying to figure out if she's a girl or a boy dressed as a girl. When the outcome is unclear, the conversation just dithers, and tha is as harsh a blow as open offense.
Have any of you figured out any novel ways for handling such an intimidating social situation, fraught with all the perils of offense and the danger of appearing to be insensitive?
I have personally been carrying around small cards, which I give indiscriminately to any and all I meet, with a check box for boy girl or other, and an age box, to avoid all potential offense to anyone. Sometimes I'll even pretend to be blind, which naturally mind offend the blind, but they don't know.
What say yous?