Things NOT to do (Lessons for Younger DPers)Submitted by Molusk on Sat, 02/01/2014 - 22:43
I m relatively young myself, so you truly older DPers please jump in with your own advice. I wonder how many young DPers (under 25) there are. Anyway... Some things you should never do.
Smoke a cigarette. Just not worth it. You learn nothing, risk 10, 20 years of misery.
Hard drugs, crack, heroine, don't try them.
Fear. Have no irrational fears. They are self reinforcing. If you surrender to them they grow in power. Ask yourself: what is worse, the thing feared or the fear? That is the measure of rationality. If the fear is worse than the thing feared, it is irrational. Face it down, you will win.
Relationships... I'm not a good guide here, ask someone in a successful long term relationship, or at any rate someone who has avoided a failed long term relationship. You have to figure out if you are suited to be a life time companion to another person or not. Not everyone is cut out for that.
Avoid physical fights when/if possible. Be smart, physical fights are expensive legally and physically. Be prepared, but avoid them if you can. Like with fear, you have to ask if the physical fight is better or worse than the alternative.
You can recover from embarrassment or insult. There is a line, you have to draw a line. But initiating a physical fight has such high risks today as to be only invoked rarely.
Don't bother fighting with the cops. Unless you are personally devoted to a life of challenging unjust laws, and are prepared for the legal battles and costs, just don't bother with these small fights.
In your professional life, don't avoid risks when the risk is small and the pay off potentially large. If you're at a job you can afford to lose, and where the risk of losing it is low, take risks, work hard, ask for more money, do the right thing and don't shy away from conflict if you're in the right and can win.
Be a comrade and a brother when you can, but don't let others define you. Be an individual, define yourself. Submit yourself to no man or group. If you can find a mentor or guide who you can truly trust, that is one thing, but never throw away your independence to be a cog in some clique or firm. Maintain your aloofness.
Don't let a woman rule you. You will end up neither with self respect nor the woman. She will lose respect for you, it's a losing game. It's like Jefferson's dictum about security and liberty, you will end up with neither. If you sacrifice your independence and self respect for a woman, you will end up with neither.
For you truly independent, intellectual, masculine(?) women, I can't much advise you, but I would venture that you should also pursue your own path and not submit to a man. If you have a burning desire for children, you might need to make some sacrifices for a healthy family, but if not, pursue your thought, art, goals, individuality, and don't worry about the consequences. You may be the weaker sex statistically, but the disparity is small, and vastly outstripped by the margin that constitutes 'extraordinary.'
Unless you know you can't handle alcohol, don't be afraid of moderate drink. It can be a stimulus for your creative power and an anesthetic to irrational fears.
Don't watch television or play videogames if you have a tendency to spend inordinate amounts of time doing so. Unless you are content to be a mindless drone, abstain from these pleasures except in extreme moderation, and focus on learning and experiencing real people and situations. I'd rather you drink and drive than waste your energies on virtual reality.
Don't make the all too common mistake of living online. Take the personality you may have only expressed in the full riskless freedom of anonymity, and make it the real personality you share in your life, because it is you, as you want to be, unafraid. That doesn't mean be the jerk you occasionally might be in anonymity, but the good things, the risk-taking self, transfer that to your real life. You found it, created it, run with it.
Have a few good real world friends, at least one or two, with whom you can share everything.
Try to live, whatever you do, as hard as it is.