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Things NOT to do (Lessons for Younger DPers)

I m relatively young myself, so you truly older DPers please jump in with your own advice. I wonder how many young DPers (under 25) there are. Anyway... Some things you should never do.

Smoke a cigarette. Just not worth it. You learn nothing, risk 10, 20 years of misery.

Hard drugs, crack, heroine, don't try them.

Fear. Have no irrational fears. They are self reinforcing. If you surrender to them they grow in power. Ask yourself: what is worse, the thing feared or the fear? That is the measure of rationality. If the fear is worse than the thing feared, it is irrational. Face it down, you will win.

Relationships... I'm not a good guide here, ask someone in a successful long term relationship, or at any rate someone who has avoided a failed long term relationship. You have to figure out if you are suited to be a life time companion to another person or not. Not everyone is cut out for that.

Avoid physical fights when/if possible. Be smart, physical fights are expensive legally and physically. Be prepared, but avoid them if you can. Like with fear, you have to ask if the physical fight is better or worse than the alternative.

You can recover from embarrassment or insult. There is a line, you have to draw a line. But initiating a physical fight has such high risks today as to be only invoked rarely.

Don't bother fighting with the cops. Unless you are personally devoted to a life of challenging unjust laws, and are prepared for the legal battles and costs, just don't bother with these small fights.

In your professional life, don't avoid risks when the risk is small and the pay off potentially large. If you're at a job you can afford to lose, and where the risk of losing it is low, take risks, work hard, ask for more money, do the right thing and don't shy away from conflict if you're in the right and can win.

Be a comrade and a brother when you can, but don't let others define you. Be an individual, define yourself. Submit yourself to no man or group. If you can find a mentor or guide who you can truly trust, that is one thing, but never throw away your independence to be a cog in some clique or firm. Maintain your aloofness.

Don't let a woman rule you. You will end up neither with self respect nor the woman. She will lose respect for you, it's a losing game. It's like Jefferson's dictum about security and liberty, you will end up with neither. If you sacrifice your independence and self respect for a woman, you will end up with neither.

For you truly independent, intellectual, masculine(?) women, I can't much advise you, but I would venture that you should also pursue your own path and not submit to a man. If you have a burning desire for children, you might need to make some sacrifices for a healthy family, but if not, pursue your thought, art, goals, individuality, and don't worry about the consequences. You may be the weaker sex statistically, but the disparity is small, and vastly outstripped by the margin that constitutes 'extraordinary.'

Unless you know you can't handle alcohol, don't be afraid of moderate drink. It can be a stimulus for your creative power and an anesthetic to irrational fears.

Don't watch television or play videogames if you have a tendency to spend inordinate amounts of time doing so. Unless you are content to be a mindless drone, abstain from these pleasures except in extreme moderation, and focus on learning and experiencing real people and situations. I'd rather you drink and drive than waste your energies on virtual reality.

Don't make the all too common mistake of living online. Take the personality you may have only expressed in the full riskless freedom of anonymity, and make it the real personality you share in your life, because it is you, as you want to be, unafraid. That doesn't mean be the jerk you occasionally might be in anonymity, but the good things, the risk-taking self, transfer that to your real life. You found it, created it, run with it.

Have a few good real world friends, at least one or two, with whom you can share everything.

Try to live, whatever you do, as hard as it is.

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The woodworkers adage fits here: Measure Twice, Cut Once

Make sure you get it right the first time before committing valuable time and resources on an action you cannot easily undo.

Cyril's picture

Things NOT to do... I'd add:

Things NOT to do... Hmm... to the much non-comprehensive list, I'd add:

(do not) let the cats find the toilet paper rolls(*) after you've gone to bed.

Unless you want to wake up absolutely amazed by the artistic talent they can express with it for an entire night.

(* note the plural)

"Cyril" pronounced "see real". I code stuff.


"To study and not think is a waste. To think and not study is dangerous." -- Confucius

truly independent women

For you truly independent, intellectual, masculine(?) women, I can't much advise you.
But, since you already invoked statistics. There is still a good chance of finding independent and admirable gentleman who knows how to take such a woman in hand!
Good post indeed.

Cyril's picture

Okay, Bill, thank for the tips. Nice, honest post.

Okay, Bill, thank for the tips. Nice, honest post.

So, how young are you, btw?


"Cyril" pronounced "see real". I code stuff.


"To study and not think is a waste. To think and not study is dangerous." -- Confucius

Don't burn bridges over

Don't burn bridges over ideology, agree to disagree. You never know when there may be a voluntary exchange worthwhile amongst those contacts.

Take full measure of the people you know, get to know their limits in order to better gauge how much you can rely on them in times of crisis especially but also in other situations. If you know a dog bites then you can't be caught by surprise when it does.

When opening a new business always make sure you are able to fiscally swallow at least 6 months of losses before you begin. Your chances of success improve with each passing month.

For men: Even the best woman will hold 2-3 diametrically opposed views on a given topic and if you ask the same question in the same way at a different time there is a half way decent chance that you will get a different answer then the last time or a rebuke if you hold her previous view on the topic as your own. Its just the way they are, learn to accept that their corpus callosum binds their emotion and logic together more tightly causing this potential conflict to occasionally occur. Pro Tip: Disregard anything terrible they say to you during their period... its like they're an angry drunk they can't help themselves. Secondary tip: "penis bonus pax in domus" (look it up its latin.)

For women: Even the best man is extremely slow to change, a hundred promises later and they will still be the same. If you don't like the way they are and are hoping that they will change, that's your first mistake and it can be fatal. Your best bet is to find a base model man you can live with and hope over 2 decades that they may drift somewhat closer to the way you want but, be prepared to live with them as the base model. As a side note make sure that he is indeed the model you think he is. Pro Tip: They will temporarily disguise themselves for sex if they haven't had any in a while so if they are sexually well fed they will show you who they really are... that's when you decide if you like that person. Secondary tip: Use protection.

This is an excellent post...Not much improvement needed.

It's level-headed and well thought out. Reminds me a little of the "Desiderata."

I especially like your thoughts on relatinoships. You said:
"You have to figure out if you are suited to be a lifetime companion to another person or not. Not everyone is cut out for that."

This is very true, but many people succumb to peer-pressure and feel they must hook up with someone in order to make themselves appear to be a whole person.

But this is a myth. You are already a whole person and it's very dangerous to rely on any other human for your happiness.

Of course, there are plenty of happy relationships which last forever.

But it's hard work and requires a lot of flexibility, tolerance and a somewhat loss of sovereignty.

But like you also said in your post, I tell people not to ask me for advice on romance or personal relationships.

I've had my share of fairly long-term relationships, but have never been married - actually scared to death of the prospects of it.

Anyway - great post and in general, very good life advice.

"We have allowed our nation to be over-taxed, over-regulated, and overrun by bureaucrats. The founders would be ashamed of us for what we are putting up with."
-Ron Paul

pretty good advice

You put a great deal of thought into this and I think many people will find much value here.

If I may, I would argue that everyone (well, most everyone) is suited for a long term relationship. If you want to grow as a person, few things compare to having to continuously get along with a person of the opposite sex. You don't have to fall in love, though that is certainly the greatest thing ever, when it happens. But do find a sexual companion. We are social creatures. The reason we have such huge brains is so we can interact with others. You are not going to achieve your full potential as a man if you do not have a sexual partner. Why? Because you will continuously obsess about sex and love, if you don't have it. You can't skip layers on Maslow's pyramid for any significant length of time. If you can't find an equal, lower your standards for a while and work your way up. But never use people. Be kind and honest. Loneliness breeds bitterness. It is ok to be alone for periods of time, when it aligns with a certain goal in your life. But it is no way to go through life as a matter of habit. Ok, I rambled enough. Peace.

“The welfare of the people in particular has always been the alibi of tyrants.” — Albert Camus

Good advice, thank you for

Good advice, thank you for that.

Well done

and Thank you for sharing this with us, excellent advice.

The only thing I would add: When you are down count your blessings, when you are doing well share them.

"We can see with our eyes, hear with our ears and feel with our touch, but we understand with our hearts."

And If ya Wind Up

...in the "Dog House"...Go aaaallll the wayyy to the back.
If you're gonna do the crime....make it worth the time.

Thanks for the DP-Desiderata.

"Beyond the blackened skyline, beyond the smoky rain, dreams never turned to ashes up until.........
...Everything CHANGED !!