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NSA To Cut Most Programs After Finding Americans Only Think About Sex or Food All of The Time

by Theo N. Ion
Duck Duck News

In a bold though in retrospect not at all surprising response to criticisms internationally and abroad of their domestic spying programs, the NSA today announced a steep cutback in operating expenses based on the assumption that all Americans constantly think only about food, sex, or what's on TV tonight, and probably aren't worth watching that closely, saving billions of dollars.

"The spying programs instituted by the NSA were a response to the threat of home-grown terrorism by Americans within our own borders" states Theo N. Ion, analyst "however, after collecting thousands of terrabytes of metadata, we, I mean they, determined that if an American isn't at his crappy job he's either on the way there or on the way home, or else probably out there looking for job. Or else he's at home arguing with his wife. Either way, there's no chance he's plotting a terrorist attack."

The report also indicated that every American flying out of the country for a vacation or to visit family is doing so out of guilt or obligation, and not a desire to meet with insurgents.

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meekandmild's picture

This means the NSA is looking at porn and

getting personal self sexual gratification?

QUACK !

In my rhelm Mr. Cudnoski a " Duck " only speaks when it's behind you, and invariably what's said really stinks.

I believe the " duck " has indeed spoken in your post.
I'd have rebutted your duck sooner, but all of Northren Virginia has been under a state of emergency due to a noxious brown cloud seem eminating from a flock of malicious mallards, or perhaps dastardly drake.

Sincerely;
In lieu of a Clapper
I am
Steadfast, Stēkō

; ).

//////

Drew, by the very grace of GOD through the blood of Christ Jesus.
"there shall come after us men whom shall garner great wealth using our system, and having done so shall seek to slam the door of prosperity behind them." George Washington

It might be barking spiders.

They like to run under the chair...

9-11 was a panda job.

Everyone has barking spiders

But my family is special, we have barking ducks. ( said as pompously as possible while looking down my nose )////

Why are you the only one allowed to be funny! I'd like to lodge a complaint, only I can't find the lodge : (

No, really, your a hoot !

Love ya Cudnoski !
Stēkō

Drew, by the very grace of GOD through the blood of Christ Jesus.
"there shall come after us men whom shall garner great wealth using our system, and having done so shall seek to slam the door of prosperity behind them." George Washington

You should check out

He's a keeper for sure!

And if he can whistle the theme to " Andy Griffith show " then he's got a home forever.

Stēkō

Drew, by the very grace of GOD through the blood of Christ Jesus.
"there shall come after us men whom shall garner great wealth using our system, and having done so shall seek to slam the door of prosperity behind them." George Washington

Tut tut! There are plenty of fine cutups in this merry

brigade.

9-11 was a panda job.

LOL Bump

-

Free includes debt-free!

This shit ain't serious!

This is serious shit!

9-11 was a panda job.

Source please.

Who exactly is 'Theo N. Ion'???

9-11 was a panda job.

the onion....LOL....

.

Wow - I never made the connection.

Thanks Mr. Obvious.

9-11 was a panda job.

What....I got it too fast or too slow?

.

Check out Bob and Tom Mr obvious...

Their funniest bit.

9-11 was a panda job.

Thank you Chris

The Urban Dictionary: Mr. Obvious - What you call someone when they say something really stupid.

deacon's picture

Never got into

bob-n-tom,in the morning or afternoon
D

If we deny truth before your very eyes,then the rest of what we have to say,is of little consequence