13 votes

De-stress With Some Computer Humor

I hope posting this is ok.
Helped give me some stress relief. (so wanted to share)

Tech Help ;)

.
.

Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?

Customer: A white one...

Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on the left of the screen.

Customer: Your left or my left?

****************************

Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Margie, I can't print.
Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it..

Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?

Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.

****************************

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.

Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?

Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.

Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.

Customer: OK !

Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?

Customer: Yes

Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in.

****************************

Customer: I can't get on the Internet.

Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?

Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.

Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?

Customer: Five dots.

****************************

Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?

Customer: Netscape.

Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.

Customer: Oh, sorry... Internet Explorer..

****************************

Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

****************************

Tech support: How may I help you?

Customer: I'm writing my first email.

Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?

Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the little circle around it?

****************************

A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.

Tech support: Are you running it under windows?

Customer: 'No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.'

****************************

And last but not least!

Tech support: 'Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys
at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager.'

Customer: I don't have a P.

Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.

Customer: What do you mean?

Tech support: 'P'.....on your keyboard, Bob.

Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!



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Some I ran across

while working level 1 TS for Compaq in the early 90's

TS - "Place the CD in the CD drive"

Caller - "Where is the CD drive?"

TS - "Front of the computer, at the top. It should have a button on it and a blinking light."

Caller - "You mean the cup holder?"

Or

TS - "How can I help you?"

Caller - "I can't find the ANY key"

Normal

Tech support should not use jargon until they have determined how much the other person understands.

I sold computers in the 80's (1980's), and these are the types of questions I would ask:

How long have you had your computer?
What seems to be the problem?
What kind of computer is it?

It was often at this point that I would have to ask whether there was something blinking on the screen. If so, I would ask what shape it was, as the shape (underline or square) would be a clue as to the type of computer (Vic 20, Atari, Apple //e, etc.). I wouldn't use the word "cursor" with a novice.

If the screen was blank, I would ask if any of the cords were plugged into the electrical outlet before proceding further.

Later, working in an office, the IT dept. told me they had an error code, "Error 18" which indicates the error ocurred about 18 inches in front of the monitor.

Incidentally, our best-selling book in the store was "The Personal Computer Book" by Peter McWilliams. It explained everything from "CP/U" to "cursor," and "monitor." Peter was a well-respected libertarian who later died in prison, killed by the drug war. He was deprived of the marijuana that controlled his nausea, and choked to death on his own vomit. You can look it up.

What do you think? http://consequeries.com/

OKay, now I feel bad..

I think I am going to go eat a worm.

DJP333's picture

LOL

oh man, that really gave me a good chuckle, I needed that. Thanks!

"It’s not pessimistic, brother, because this is the blues. We are blues people. The blues aren’t pessimistic. We’re prisoners of hope but we tell the truth and the truth is dark. That’s different." ~CW

Airplane mechanic humor

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

Josh Walker - Rose Hill, KS
2005 Skeeter ZX225

I laughed hard!

Thanks!

bumpage.

is that a word?

Lol

Having worked tech support, I know these are not fiction.
The one about it being dark is a true call to a comp manufacturer help desk. The tech actually was fired. He told the caller to box up the comp and take it back to the store. She asked why and he replied that she was too effing stupid to own a computer and hung up.

Formerly rprevolutionist

deacon's picture

Excellent

Loved the ending on that one :)
Unrelated,but related... We had a power outage that lasted days last winter
We were listening to our local news station,people (10) were calling,asking for advice on how to keep their stuff in the fridge from spoiling !!
Ours were put in coolers outside

If we deny truth before your very eyes,then the rest of what we have to say,is of little consequence

Welcome to the PC Support Desk

Classic.


http://youtu.be/1LLTsSnGWMI

Be brave, be brave, the Myan pilot needs no aeroplane.

Cyril's picture

Work Station

Tech Support: Please double click on "Work Station".

Customer: Huh, where is that?!

Tech Support: Your screen... you should see a "Work Station" icon displayed.

Customer: I have no idea of what you're talking about. Why the heck are you mentioning a work station, now?!

Tech Support: So, you don't see any "Work Station" in front of you, madam?

Customer: Hell, no! I am retired, mind you!

"Cyril" pronounced "see real". I code stuff.

http://Laissez-Faire.Me/Liberty

"To study and not think is a waste. To think and not study is dangerous." -- Confucius

My favorite

My computer won't turn on.

Is it plugged in?

I can't tell. The power is out and it is dark behind the desk

Free includes debt-free!

This posting is certainly ok

FYI, when you're posting you can select which forum to put it in. There is a 'humor' option if you want to put any kind of comical material up.

Lol! Tech support.

Lol! Tech support.

: D

Funny

Thanks for the laughs

"It is difficult to free fools from the chains they revere".
--Voltaire

It's hard not to be a menace to society when half the population is happy on their knees. - unknown

error code is, IT10T.

this indicates a short between the keyboard and the seat.

I thought it was 1D10T

Must be a PEBKAC error

when it throws that code, in that mode.

let me know.

PEBKAC?

PEBKAC

Problem Exists Between Keyboard And Chair

Whoa,

you got a manual on this?

"It is difficult to free fools from the chains they revere".
--Voltaire

It's hard not to be a menace to society when half the population is happy on their knees. - unknown

yes.

I might need psilocybins

to read that one, but maybe not. let me watch it one more time....

"It is difficult to free fools from the chains they revere".
--Voltaire

It's hard not to be a menace to society when half the population is happy on their knees. - unknown

microdot was a girlfriend.

in Motown.

I live in the south now.

I need to learn a little respect.

I think I met Dot, and her good friend

"It is difficult to free fools from the chains they revere".
--Voltaire

It's hard not to be a menace to society when half the population is happy on their knees. - unknown

wenches, you say nothing of wenches.

methinks thou art not pick up any stitch..

Allright, since you went all Donovan poster on me

How's this for trippy!

"It is difficult to free fools from the chains they revere".
--Voltaire

It's hard not to be a menace to society when half the population is happy on their knees. - unknown

that is dark, I prefer light. how is this for trippy?

and on that subject, how is John? have you met smudge?

deacon's picture

:)

Thank you
D

If we deny truth before your very eyes,then the rest of what we have to say,is of little consequence

scawarren's picture

Lol

Lol

It is easier to fool people than to convince them that they have been fooled. – Mark Twain