61 votes

My wife wants a divorce

Don't know why I'm telling you. I guess I just want to tell my DP family. I don't have anyone else to tell.



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You may like these 2 sites

or not....

Advice and tales of bachelors sleeping with as many girls as possible. They seem to love their lives.
They're not meatheads, but come off as honest, straight-forward shooters living life.

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That Sucks..Sorry to Hear That..

..you are not alone.
Remember that...and I wish you all the best you can take from this.
If you go into a "hearing" and it is apparent that your lawyer is NOT representing you to the "best of his/her ability"?
OPT OUT of any agreements...even if you have to fake a medical emergency....do it right there in the courtroom.
GET OUT OF THERE PRONTO!
Wish I had...found myself battling my "ex", her lawyer, and MY LAWYER, who just wanted to "move things along"....I was being "sold out".
Should never have agreed to it all, but "they" will wear you down financially, emotionally, and physically.
I will pray for your strength, in such a troubled time.
God Bless.

"Beyond the blackened skyline, beyond the smoky rain, dreams never turned to ashes up until.........
...Everything CHANGED !!

How are you doing?

I was just wondering how you were doing; I was thinking about your situation and I know how tough it can be. Hope you are doing ok...best and my thoughts are with you.

Cyril's picture

FWIW

It's almost impossible to rationalize on others' lives, IMO.

But FWIW, after half a dozen or so failed relationships, none taken really seriously on my end I must say, and one unforeseen failed marriage, slap in the face, I eventually found out what does seem to work:

beyond just lip service, it's all about how we complement each other in skills, tastes, and values.

I really see it as teaming, with only one goal: family success.

The hard part is to agree upfront on what "success" ought to be - exactly. The idea doesn't need to be very sophisticated, though, btw.

Even for me (as I can really be a pain in the butt, at times) I found that things are much, much easier after that, and even in our crazy, often harsh world.

So far, anyway! :)

P.S.
Affectionate love and sex help a lot, too, seemingly ;p

"Cyril" pronounced "see real". I code stuff.

http://Laissez-Faire.Me/Liberty

"To study and not think is a waste. To think and not study is dangerous." -- Confucius

Been down that road before , four times.

It hurts big time with every divorce. Probably all my fault in each case other than when I married the Punta Minterosa (Mexican lying whore) I probably loved her the most or maybe not.
Anyhow at +70 years old it makes no lehace because I`ve got a good bride now I have been with the last 15 years.

It is hard to imagine a more stupid or more dangerous way of making decisions than by putting those decisions in the hands of people that pay no price for being wrong.
Thomas Sowell

Update 3/14/14

As it turns out, women don't like it when you spend all your time in the garage working on the car, having too many beers, and surfing the DP every night.

Geez!

Who know?

I'm with Wolfe on this one..

I do the same things, except I'm usually messing around with my golf cart, 4 wheeler, or whatever. The rest is all the same..love the beers and I sure love hanging out and talking about freedom. My wife is well educated and a VERY conservative and sensible person, yet she knows that for her to love the man she fell in love with, she has to let me continue being the man she fell in love with. And yes, that guy has a habit of drinking too many beers on occasion. :)

Sorry to hear about your pain and trouble. Keep a positive outlook and things will get better. Much better. IF you end up moving on remember this..ALWAYS be yourself no matter what. If they don't love you for what you truly are, then they don't love YOU. But only you can decide whether or not they see the real you, or the one you make up in order to catch a certain lady. One road is bliss, the other is full misery.

wolfe's picture

Then find a woman who does.

If those are the things you enjoy, then find a woman who wants to do them with you and who you actually want to do them with you.

As many here have stated, we've all been through it a time or two, and the one thing that I learned...

Do the things you enjoy together - together, and the things you enjoy alone - alone... And if you never see each other, you chose poorly, pick again.

I've had a few women who complained that they didn't get enough time with me... But then, when I would invite them to something like PorcFest - it wasn't "their thing". etc. And yet, I was expected do stuff they wanted non-stop.

The Philosophy Of Liberty -
http://www.thephilosophyofliberty.com/

'How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World'...

by libertarian, Harry Browne touches on relationships in a similar way. He believes as individuals we should do what we enjoy & expecting your partner to take part in 'your' activities and vice versa is what leads to problems. Unfortunately our culture perpetuates a view of 'love' that doesn't really respect the integrity of the individual. Maybe that's why there's so much divorce these days...people are finally waking up to the idea that what they've been told about 'love' is, is a bunch of BS. Also unfortunate that most people still buy into that notion.

tasmlab's picture

No comment, but I just started this book

Good stuff so far. The table of contents alone is worth the price of admission.

It's a shame that it seems out of print.

Currently consuming: Morehouse's "Better off free", FDR; Wii U; NEP Football

wolfe's picture

Agreed.

And I would even take it a step farther, and say we are expected to sacrifice the individual for the good of the "relationship", when in fact, it is usually very one sided with only one person giving anything up which builds resentment and hurt on one side and unrealistic expectations on the other.

I made a decision a long time ago to not sacrifice anything, and not expect sacrifice. My life has gotten much better, with a -lot- less drama.

The Philosophy Of Liberty -
http://www.thephilosophyofliberty.com/

Denise B's picture

Well it would

appear that she's still talking to you then...so that has to be a good sign! Hope you guys find a way to work it out! If I were to give you any advice it would be: cut down on the beers, lock up the garage and shut off the computer for a bit and spend some more time with her. Your wife is infinitely more important than all three of those things combined...and none of them will keep you warm at night! Good Luck!

It sounds to me....

like she likes you and feels like you don't like her; like you prefer the company of cars and beer to her company and what she likes to do...do you? ...reverse the situation...how would you feel if your wife preferred her girlfriends to you? Sounds like maybe you could sit down and talk...or do you prefer your cars and beer to her? Take a look...best wishes....

Are you guys working it out?

Are you guys working it out?

check out

some of the bill burr podcasts on youtube on divorce.

Well, that sucks. I hope

Well, that sucks. I hope things get better for you.

Sorry for your troubles

Anyone ever heard of this "men going their own way" movement? I stumbled across it a couple weeks ago. It's basically a bunch of guys who through hard experience have come to the realization that the reality of marriage in this country today bears almost no resemblance to the fairy-tale portrayed by the media, thanks to cultural and legal developments of the last couple decades.

I'm a young guy and hadn't yet given marriage much thought at all, and I found this really interesting (or disturbing). I mean, you hear that half of marriages end in divorce, and that divorce laws tend to favor the wife/mother, but I guess that had never really sunk in for me. Rather than a nightmare divorce being a remote possibility, it seems it's almost the norm these days -- which raises the question, is it worth it? Is it insane to knowingly put yourself in that kind of situation, to be basically enslaved (as other posters have put it) to alimony and child support and so forth?

I had been thinking in terms of "Okay, do I want to give up being able to hit the bars on the weekend?" Thinking that kind of stuff was the cost of marriage. But what I've heard recently puts an entirely different complexion on the matter...

"Alas! I believe in the virtue of birds. And it only takes a feather for me to die laughing."

That Movement

Sounds awesome. How 'come they didn't have that crap when I was younger?

Oh now I know, I was raised Catholic and was too brainwashed to follow Hugh Hefner's lead. Guess I was too busy lookin' at dem peechers.

Is she on hormones?

I know that the pill turned me from a logically thinking mild-mannered gal into a member of the Lorena Bobbit fan club. I remember grinding my teeth and clenching my fists a lot during that time. Another analogy would be that one Sherlock Holmes story where the doctor injects himself with monkey hormones to stay young and ends up going on homicidal rampages like the Hulk.

Point being, make sure it's her saying this stuff and not the big Pharma products aka sorceries.

Keep the attorney out.

Keep the attorney out. !@#$ers are the ones who that come out a head.

Its better to work it out between spouse. Why give your !@#$ing hard earn $$$$ to a Greed Scum. Sorry to here about situation.

From someone who has been there too

Hang in there bro - and if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm at 206-551-8704

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Hope?

Hi AverageJoe1776,

I just wanted to say first of all that I am sorry. While I have no idea what is happening in your marriage or in your life, may I ask if you have seen the movie FIREPROOF? Or read the book "The Love Dare"? These are great resources that I would recommend before you decide to sign the papers too. I will say a prayer for your family.

Take care,
JCNailz316

aahhh Liberty!!!

soar my friend

Condolences/Congrats

I don't know any of your details, so can't comment much.

Going through a divorce certainly sucks, although there is definitely light at the end of the tunnel.

Best of luck, and hang in there.

Congratulations, she is making your life a better place.

Do not move out first. File for divorce yourself, depending what state you are in it makes a big difference. Call a lawyer immediately. Do not sign anything without consulting a lawyer. If you are in the southern United States the wife will get the kids usually ( especially if you are in Texas ). Expect your wife to keep all her property and money and at least half of yours.

Just the fact you are a male means you are viewed with suspicion of wife-beating, child abuse and having sex outside of marriage by the court system.

It's the (Nancy) Grace Effect

You are presumed guilty until proven black or female -- which of course always makes Crystal Mangum the perfect exemplar of integrity and purity.

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West of 89
a novel of another america
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/161155#longdescr

maybe things have changed,

but when I got divorced it was the woman who was the lazy leach sucking off the man and if he was running around it was her fault.

In Texas the woman gets custody of the kids 95% of the time.

A few years ago a lawyer wrote a letter to the editor of the Dallas paper stating that a woman has to be caught with a heroin needle in her arm, while holding a bloody axe and standing over a dead body before she might be considered a bad parent in court.

Women are considered better parents than men by dint of their ability to give birth. This was back 20 years ago, but from what I have seen it does not seem to have changed much.

In that respect

you are right; the women tend to get custody over the men. Most men don't want custody; in fact, my observation is that frequently when men get divorced they also divorce their kids. Very sad for the kids.