31 votes

US escalates sanctions, unfriends Putin on facebook

03/19/2014
SPN, Washington DC

In a stunning diplocatic coup, the USA under State Department marionette John Kerry, has unfriended Russian president Vladimir Putin on facebook. This comes amid reports that similar pressure was used to shut down Putin's Netflix account.

"New levels of pain and estrangement will follow if Moscow doesn't conform to international rule" said Kerry which may include revoking any and all Disney Dollars held by Russian nationals as well as terminating Putin's Amazon Prime membership.

"The Russian people will now have to wait a day or so longer for everything from the latest movies, sports and entertainment to cheap Chinese consumer products" said an unnamed State Department official. "This should put immense pressure on their regime. I know it would be political suicide to let this happen here in the USA."

Greater dangers await Putin if he does not submit to international law and opinion, explained the official as he unlocked a massive blast door to reveal rank after rank of computer monitors which silhouetted the small, hunched figures of 6th graders working feversishly to cyber-attack Putin. "This little genius is working on hacking Putin's Angry Birds" (with the intent to make them Happy American Birds) said the official as well as taking control of microprocessors embedded in popular technology like kitchen appliances. "We found a way into his coffee machine" chuckled the official. "He'll never get a good cup of Arabica at home" said the official. "Unless he goes out to a restaurant" said the official. "Or gets a new coffee maker" the official added.

A "phalanx" of other 6th graders are said to be working the message boards filling reponses with "snark and insinuation" such as "Vlad sux OMG WTF LOL" and "trololol". "Hillary Clinton and our President Obama hate this kind of stuff" said the State Department official. "We're betting it gets under Putin's skin inside a week" continued the official. "Nobody but nobody stands up the the USA and gets away clean" he surmized.

Related story: Presidential dog to cut all ties with Putin's Russian Wolfhounds.

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* MORE AMERICANS would TRUST SMUDGE POT NEWS!
* if we embedded them with microchips.
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Another Peek Behind The Scenes With Uncle Smudge

Guys, once again it's my great pleasure, with this post, to introduce the Daily Paul chat.

Available only to us tres chic members, the Daily Paul Chat is the refuge and favorite den of a small clan of utter recluses who have discovered that somehow, the days of punishment on this living hell known as Planet Earth, things are somewhat better if we just hang onto each other come high water, which has and often does happen.

But we're pretty snappy to wold events, we're a very..."we" are such a competent research group that guys like me can afford to be lazy. I have my realms of experise, none of which apply to Russia and the far east and we just happen to have a Russian libertarian reporting from Russia.

Hey we don't even have to pretend to be experts.

Anyways, we also spend our share of time just goofing off and the joke about the USA unfriending Putin on facebook evolved out of our usual geopolitical/economic/cultural discussion (Sophron by now has not off of human etymology nailed down, he knows who was in the broom closet on Noah's ark) and I was just like dude, you have to post that. You have to flesh that out into a spoof article, you do this, I give you 24 hours to do this or I will.

Well he didn't so I did but in that 24 hours some guy from NewYorker magazine does this serendipitous move of the joke about snaffing Putin's Netflix account and.....

man we have live continuous coverage here. And that is just the luck of the dice.

With humor, especially online, timing is EVERYTHING. But sometimes the little sprite, Tinkerbell just waves her magic wand....and humor indeed is a briefly powerful weapon. Lest it be said, and often is, that DP chat is an utter waste of time.

There is nothing strange about having a bar of soap in your right pocket, it's just what's happening.

A Kremlin Official Has Remarked

..that Putin is planning to initiate a resurgence in myspace, as a measure against these sanctions.
Based upon Putin's popularity with the American Public, Obama is considering using his internet "kill-switch" to prevent this.

Imagine that; a "secession" from Facebook to Myspace.
Obama is clearly concerned about this.

Meanwhile Bill Gates was unavailable for comment, presently on vacation in the Antartic at his Non-GMO Seed Vault.

"Beyond the blackened skyline, beyond the smoky rain, dreams never turned to ashes up until.........
...Everything CHANGED !!

BHAAHAH....!!! Good one Smudge...!!!

.

But Russia made a fake profile made up mean stuff FIRST!

They pretended to be Neo Nazi's. So we added them as friends!

THEY TRICKED US

Trolololol

Trolololol

Unfriending

Isn't that a form of bullying?
Send Kerry to the principal's office and alert his parents.

LOL!

Thank you.

it's hard to be awake; it's easier to dream--

Kerry unfriended Putin on Facebook?

LOL!

I tweeted this and someone replied,

"They froze his Farmville assets"

Ralph you walked right into responsibilty

dude, we're on day two of our exclusive coverage and you just got day 3. Publish. Go with it. You can't not.

I owe poster firefox for the concept of facebook unfriending here. Told him "post that or I will". I gave him 24 hours to do so. You are different. You are a poster of our words and since when.....

well I'll stop short of getting all Wo Lakota on you again......

There is nothing strange about having a bar of soap in your right pocket, it's just what's happening.

Awesome!

Lew Rockwell says just laugh at them, they absolutely hate that. They need people to take them seriously. But when you really see how ridiculous they are, it is pretty humorous.

Great article!

"Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito."

There is much truth to that, once the people start to laugh

It's all over. That was happening near the end of the Soviet Union.

Two Russians were standing in line to get their allotment of Vodka, one of them said, "when I get back I will shoot Gorbachev"
A few weeks later the two were back standing in line again. So the Russian said, "Thought you were going to shoot Gorbachev?
the other answered, "I was, but when I got there the line was too long"

Good stuff...

...SmudgePot. :). You should have your own show like Jon Stewart, etc.

With the face that's made for radio?

Lols that's kind of a running joke with the Daily Paul Radio thing. I did one day register SmudgePotNews.net with the intent to corral a few of us here into writing for it but it's one of those jokes that never sees light of day. It's always getting beaten out by real priorities. I'm pretty happy with being able to publish here because humor slips right in. There's always the crowd that gets pissed at me and says I'm making us look bad or that we're not serious but I always figured one of our greatest public strengths is anybody can see libertarianism is NOT UNIFORM, we don't all think, look or act the same.

That and if anybody needs a laugh these days...that would be us.

There is nothing strange about having a bar of soap in your right pocket, it's just what's happening.

Smudge you're so funny you must be 1/64th Jewish like me.

:)

It was probably the pandas.

Caducky from Kentucky?

as if we can't tell who you are.....chris C.

There is nothing strange about having a bar of soap in your right pocket, it's just what's happening.