7 votes

Pro and Anti Dog Shooting Factions Face Off

In a press release Friday the activist group People For Not Shooting Other Peoples Pets issued a strongly worded statement condemning the official policy of many of the nation's law enforcement agencies of preemptively firing upon dogs cats and other domesticated animals as a matter of policy.

From the statement, "This is getting out of hand. It's one thing to stab a dog that's mauling you in its ugly rabid snout, but this wanton slaughter of our pets for the sheer pleasure of inflicting injury upon their owners is a cruel and abusive indulgence of the worst of human nature on innocent creatures without any voice to defend themselves. All of us hate many, many humans, and God knows they deserve it. But to punish their animals is a step too far."

The national Benevolent Society of Patrolmen shot back that "this is between them and the animals" and to "stay the fsck out of it before you get your head caved in."

President Obama chimed in that he has a dog, and that he supports our men and women in uniform. John McCain who somehow is still lucid responded that he stands strong with the nation's law enforcement, and he put a dog in a headlock until it stopped moving to show his virility and solidarity with the police.

Trending on the Web

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.

Separation of Church and Mutt

Once upon a time in the village of Poohville there came a new resident to the town. His name was Norton and he pulled into town carrying his large trunk that was as big as an elephant.

Now on the first night of Norton's stay in his new home, as he was trying to get some sleep, his ears perked up for he thought he had heard the faint noise of barking coming from somewhere outside his window. Curious as to where this noise was coming from, he got out of bed and strolled over to the window. On putting his big floppy ears to the glass, he heard the noise ever more clearly.

So not being able fall asleep, Norton decided to get up and go outside to investigate this strange noise. Now being that it was night, Norton grabbed his flashlight and went out into the flower patch that surrounded his house. There he sat down in his lawn chair awaiting patiently for the noise to continue.

And sure enough, he heard a "woof woof" in the distance. Then this was proceeded by different "woofs" coming from some place even closer. Then another "woof" came, and it was even louder. The noise kept getting louder and louder, until it seemed like the whole land was covered by the continual noise of "woofs."

So Norton decided to take action, He picked up his iphone and made a call, and then he began to speak:

“Is this the Poohville police department?”

“Yes sir,” replied the police officer.

“I want to report my neighbors for disturbing the peace.” Said Norton.

“On what grounds,” replied the officer.

“They are all making this loud barking noise and I can't sleep.” responded Norton.

“Oh that's just their pets,” replied the officer. "They all have them here. They are furry little creatures whom they call their pooh-poohs. You'll get used to their noise,” laughed the officer.

“No I wont,” replied Norton, “I have these huge ears that pick up everything.”

“Sorry Sir,” replied the officer. “But the village is named after these creatures, and we have laws in our town against anyone speaking evil of the pooh-poohs.”

“Do you mean to tell me these creatures have more rights then we residents do? I am a taxpayer!” cried out Norton.

“Sorry Sir,” replied the officer. “There is nothing I can do about the pooh.”

Now the next morning, after hearing of Norton’s Hubalooh over the pooh and his police complaints, the other residents of Poohville began to make snoddy little comments behind Norton's back.

“Watch out for him, he's one of those intolerant PoohPhobic people,” said Sandy Pooh.

“Yeah what's the deal with this new guy, he's nothing but one of those Pooh-Pooh Phobe's,” replied Randy Pooh.

“He must be one of those religious guys, they all have Pooh-Pooh Phobia,” said Dandy Pooh.

Norton just shrugged these comments off. But he became very curious about his new neighbors. So he decided to study the habits of the Poohville’s residents, whom he now called a bunch of Pooh-Pooh Lovers. So Norton got out his big magnifying glass, which he had used previously for his coin collection, and began to play Shirlock Holmes, keeping an eye on his neighbors every move.

The first thing he noticed was that every morning, whether it be rain or shine, hot or cold, Sandy Pooh would be dragged all around town by her pooh-pooh. Typically stopping at a red fire hydrant to rest along their journey. He also noticed Sandy Pooh carrying a plastic bag, that although he didn’t know what it was for, it spelled very horrid to Norton. Norton just could not understand how anyone would want to carry such a thing, or how anyone would have their lives dictated each morning by their pooh-pooh's.

Next, Norton began to investigate Randy Pooh. Now Randy also followed Sandy Pooh's routine each morning, and then would head off to work. After putting in a hard day’s work at the shop, Randy Pooh would then stop by the supermarket and buy all sorts of food and treats for his little pooh-pooh’s. But what was strange was that this left Randy Pooh with very little money to buy food for himself and his family. Yet day after day off he went to work, not realizing he was working mostly for his pooh-pooh’s.

Now Norton then went on to see what Dandy Pooh was up to. Now Dandy was quite a Dandy indeed. He followed the same routine as Sandy Pooh every morning, except to Norton's relief Dandy didn't carry that plastic bag with him, But for some reason this made his neighbors extremely upset with Dandy.

He also noticed that all the mailmen in this town all rode bicycles This was because none of the residents would keep their pooh-poohs on a lease, and all the mailmen feared for their lives in Poohville.

Finally, after watching them day after day and night after night, Norton concluded that the residents of Poohville cared more for their Poohpooh's then they did for one another.

Now the next day, being that it was Sunday, Norton decided to attend a church service. And as he walked into the church he was surprised to find Sandy, Randy, and Dandy, all sitting in a pew staring back at him.

"There's that Pooh-Pooh phobe," whispered Sandy to the others.

Now what Norton hadn't realized was that he had stumbled into a Muttheran church, founded by Martin Mutter way back during medieval times. His Dogma included Solo Petto, the dogma that man is saved by his pet loving alone.

That was the last straw for Norton, He cried out.

"Hey people, God created man in his own image. He didn't create pooh-pooh's in His own image!"

The crowd gasped!

Norton continued "Didn't you read in your Bibles, in Genesis 9:3, where God said: "Every moving thing that lives shall be food for you. Just as I gave you the green plants, I now give you everything." Why are you worshiping your poohpoohs? They are animals that can be eaten!”

"Blasphemy!" cried out Dandy Pooh.

"He speaks against our Muttheran traditions!" yelled Randy Pooh.

"Pooh-Pooh Phobe!" cried out Sandy Pooh.

So the pastor called the Poohville police department who promptly came and arrested poor old Norton.

There Norton sat in jail behind bars, in the place they called the dog house, because the residents of Poohville, although they professed to be wise, they became fools, and they changed the glory of the incorruptible God into the image made like corruptible man - and birds and four footed pooh-poohs. Romans 1:22-23

This Fairy tale is from the book "Christian Fair Etales" by John Argubright available at Amazon http://www.amazon.com/Christian-Fair-Etales-Message-Illustra...

nobody is gonna be laughing

when one of these raids accidentally kills Teen Wolf

"All our words are but crumbs that fall down from the feast of the mind." - Khalil Gibran
"The Perfect Man has no self; the Holy Man has no merit; the Sage has no fame." - Chuang Tzu

"We had no choice.

She was incredibly hairy. Tragic mistake."

Nice job on this one Bill3...

Not usually a fan of the satire but this one was exceptional.

Are you a POT or a PET - Person Embracing Tyranny?

If you shoot a dog

that isn't biting you, then you are a coward. Period.

McCain also stated

"My friends, the terrorist dog's need to be stopped. They pose a significant threat to our national security. That is why I have asked the President, and he has agreed, to send 1 billion dollars in federal aid to our nation's law enforcement to purchase puppy drones, to identify and eliminate these serious threats.

Asked by Senator Rand Paul, if this was a clear violation of our constitution, McCain responded; "We are trying to protect the American people, we shall use whatever means necessary, everything is on the table, Senator Paul"

Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi unemotionally commented; "I was licked by a puppy once, it was awful!"

Senator Feinstein added: "Gun control is extremely important, especially when killing innocent, adorable puppies. Therefore, as long as the puppy drones don't fly around MY windows, I'm all for ditching the 2nd Amendment, as long as officers are still able to shoot the puppies that pose the biggest threat to national security." She added; "There is a direct correlation between climate change and the increase of terrorist puppies."

President Obama signed an executive order placing sanctions on all innocent puppies, where ever they made be hiding, to protect the American Public and authorizing the $1 billion for puppy drones.

"A great civilization is not conquered from without until it has destroyed itself within" W. Durant

President Obama threatened to add kittens to the list later,

after his daughters, Malia and Shasha claimed to have been scratched by a 'Libertarian' kitten. The cat's owner, a Constitution party member, responded, "My kittens all believe in the non-aggression principle, they must have pulled the kitty's tail or hurt her in some way."

Pelosi said: "Cats and kittens are worse than puppies!, at least a puppy will come to you when you call it! Kittens pounce when and wherever they can!"

Senator Boxer added: "We should be able to go after the cats and kittens whenever they pose a threat to our beloved President and his Family, even if it is not a proven threat."

"Hence, naturally enough, my symbol for Hell is something like the bureaucracy of a police state or the office of a thoroughly nasty business concern." ~~C.S. Lewis
Love won! Deliverance from Tyranny is on the way! Col. 2:13-15