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Microsoft Patents Ones, Zeroes

REDMOND, WA—In what CEO Bill Gates called "an unfortunate but necessary step to protect our intellectual property from theft and exploitation by competitors," the Microsoft Corporation patented the numbers one and zero Monday.

At a press conference beamed live to Microsoft shareholders around the globe, Bill Gates announces the company's patenting of the binary system.

With the patent, Microsoft's rivals are prohibited from manufacturing or selling products containing zeroes and ones—the mathematical building blocks of all computer languages and programs—unless a royalty fee of 10 cents per digit used is paid to the software giant.

"Microsoft has been using the binary system of ones and zeroes ever since its inception in 1975," Gates told reporters. "For years, in the interest of the overall health of the computer industry, we permitted the free and unfettered use of our proprietary numeric systems. However, changing marketplace conditions and the increasingly predatory practices of certain competitors now leave us with no choice but to seek compensation for the use of our numerals."

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Tweeting occasionally as his best friend @cracky4prez on the twitter.

I forget where I saw this...

"In a world without borders, who needs Gates?"

That's ok, I just patented oxegyn.

You guys are lucky I like you !!

Everyone else pays " family rate ", $39.99 per day.


Drew, by the very grace of GOD through the blood of Christ Jesus.
"there shall come after us men whom shall garner great wealth using our system, and having done so shall seek to slam the door of prosperity behind them." George Washington

Joη's picture

π has every version of Windows ever to be made, in every #system


And every eventual thing...eventually. Or not. Infinities are big.

"You underestimate the character of man." | "So be off now, and set about it." | Up for a game?

Michael Nystrom's picture

Not to mention Windows,

bugs... viruses...

syntax err--

Tweeting occasionally as his best friend @cracky4prez on the twitter.

C_T_CZ's picture

Blue screen of death...dll hell...


Proclaim LIBERTY throughout all the land unto all the inhabitants thereof

C_T_CZ's picture

Hot Dog Stand Windows 3.1 Theme...

Proclaim LIBERTY throughout all the land unto all the inhabitants thereof

Michael Nystrom's picture

They can keep the patent on that one.

I won't be needing it.


can we trademark the "word"


Most of those who think so actually don't and most of those who think sew actually rip.

Gilligan's picture

Intel actually tried to trademark the number 386.

Their application was rejected.

Google is government.