"Am I a piece of crap?"Submitted by Molusk on Sat, 04/05/2014 - 23:51
This is one of the deepest and most important questions we can ask ourselves in life. For, if we do not ask, how can we ever know? If we do not face the possibility squarely how can one know if one is in fact living the unexamined life of a piece of crap?
We all have a choice. Even if we don't really have a choice, we think we do, and that is enough.
Sit down. Ask yourself some tough questions.
Does the way I am living now truly satisfy my desires?
Is the track I'm on leading to my goals?
Will I look back on my life, from my deathbed, with utter horror, sick and alone while the end is stalking closely?
Am I cheating myself, lying to myself, abusing myself physically and emotionally?
Am I failing to fulfill my obligations to others who love and need me? Those sole obligations that give life any real meaning?
Am I selling myself short by not holding myself up to even reasonable standards?
Am I sacrificing real happiness to wallow in vices, bad habits, bad thoughts, and insular mental dead ends?
Am I ignoring the thoughts that wish to break through the outer barrier and which haunt my dreams?
Do I wake up from nightmares that try to tell me plainly that I am not at peace with myself?
Do I have unfinished business that I am not addressing, that is blocked out by work, routine, habit and psychological walls and defense mechanisms?
Am I just punching a time clock as my life goes by and opportunities pass, getting older, more and more comfortable in my own dead end?
Are all those people who could be in my life passing me by and fading from the screen as I selfishly pad myself in a comfortable unreality and turn the clock around?
Am I happy with my decisions, my work, my relationships, how I use my little bit of free time?
Am I living up even to my stated beliefs, let alone the beliefs I ought to hold?
Do I work hard for another, while not willing to work hard for myself? Am I slave while pretending to myself I am not? Am I a slave by nature, not fit for freedom?
Am I a complete liar in my own heart, even if I hold a strictly rigorous logic to the world outside?
What would it take in truth to look back from that death bed, without horror and regret?
What am I doing with my life?
Have you asked those questions, friend? How often to you subject yourself to such an audit, as with a scalpel? Does it hurt? Can we learn to like that pain? Can we be the surgeons, here?