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How to Deal with a Bully According to a Nebraska Elementary School

Fifth grade students at Zeman Elementary School in Lincoln, Neb., were recently sent home with a “flyer” outlining how they should handle bullies. The instructions were apparently deemed so ridiculous by parents that the school district quickly issued an apology and the “inaccurate information” was pulled.

That was after the nine “rules” for dealing with bullies went viral, of course.

Here are some of the more questionable ones:

• Rule #3 Do not be afraid.
• Rule #4: Do not verbally defend yourself.
• Rule #7: Do not tell on bullies.
• Rule #8: Don’t be a sore loser
• Rule #9: Learn to laugh at yourself and not get “hooked” by put-downs.

Continue Reading: http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2014/04/16/nebraska-schools-...

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My Fathers Advice: Make A FIST........

and without hesitation, hit them as Hard as you can in the nose.

When bullies have to bear the costs of their own actions.

It's too expensive for them.

My Father, a retired public school superintendent.

I do not disagree with all of this advice.

I think what makes it wrong is that it treats all bullying situations the same. Also, even where I might agree with the recommended action, not necessarily for the same reason as stated.

Bullies and other physically and/or emotionally abusive individuals thrive on confrontation. Want to feed what makes them tick, get their adrenalin pumping? Then respond, especially in a like manner, i.e., threatening, vulgar, violent, etc. If they're bigger/more powerful than you, that's it for you because they'll kick you until you're down and then kick you some more for even daring to go up against them.

But don't think that ignoring them will necessarily stop the bullying. They're GOADING you into taking *some* sort of action: either to defend yourself or to get someone else involved (a teacher, principle, court, etc.). Some of these individuals thrive on ATTENTION. They'd rather get negative attention than no attention.

If you think you can handle a bully (and his allies), then it might work to teach him a lesson (such as Ralphie does in A Christmas Story, finding some unknown source of physical strength from within). It might work, but it might not. The bully/abusive person is just as likely to lick his wounds and then find ways to retaliate. If on a small scale, this is known as "war."

There is no one right answer. It depends on the situation and the parties involved - including the ages of those involved. This is not to say that people don't have a "right" to "self-defense." It's just that that might not resolve the situation, i.e., get it to STOP. As humiliating as it might be, the best response might just be no response. The truly bad advice in those rules above regards situations where there is physical injury. Children need to let someone know.

When we try to pick out anything by itself, we find it hitched to everything else in the Universe.
~ John Muir

It's typical of the mindset

It's typical of the mindset of public-sector school managers. Rule number one is you must never rock the boat or do anything that may hurt the reputation of the school and its personnel.

Rule number two: if shit happens to you, as it happens to most people, it's your own fault only. It's not because the school has decided to have you join a class of retarded hooligans. It's not because discipline is absent and anarchy reigns.

And bullies are not evil, they are just misunderstood disadvantaged people in need of more compassion. The perpetrators are the victims and the victims are the perpetrators. Black is white, taxation is donation, slavery is freedom, yada yada yada.

Please visit my site for more information about my libertarian book. Thanks!

Do enough damage

for a bully to stop you need to do enough damage for them not to come back and this applies to cops as well.

I was bullied

through most of my school years. I got better and better at dealing with it as time went on and I became more confident in my own abilities.

I got teased one time in the locker room in 6th grade for wearing whitey tidies. Everyone was chanting. I tried to ignore it as best as I could but as I was walking out, one person looked me in the eye and said it again, so I kicked him in the face twice while wearing snow boots. Some guy grabbed me and gave me a "WTF?" as if he had no clue, so I just pushed him aside and left.

Later that day at lunch, a couple of kids walked past me at lunch and bumped the table. I laughed it off. Then, as I went to go get my stuff from my locker, a group of 20 of them surrounded me and tried to push me into my locker. I ignored them and kept going. Then someone started pushing me, so I told them to stop. They pushed me again, so I told them, "If you push me again I will use physical force". Guess what? They pushed me again, so I turned around and grabbed the nearest guy and shook him, then threw him to the floor as he was paralyzed by homophobia. Then I grabbed the next closest person and threw them to the ground. And then I turned back around and kept walking. Didn't get picked on for a long time after that.

While I certainly agree with the principle that force tends to resolve things quickly, I've always been a fan of more civilized conduct, even back then.

Step 1: Notification to cease and desist.
Step 2: Notification of intended response (physical force)
Step 3: FOLLOW-THROUGH! If you say that you are going to use force as a response, your opponent is almost certainly going to test you. You MUST immediately follow through with your application of force or else your threats will always be hollow.

This method worked for me, but everyone is going to have a different experience.

Nothing Works Like

a punch in the nose to stop that kind of crap.

You may only get one shot so make it a good one. YOu may get your a** beat in the end but you'll have overcome your fear, and chances are, the bullying will stop.

Good for you.

That was my tactic

And it worked for me and the bully.

I gained my confidence and he lost the desire to bully.

We can reduce this all to one rule...

...for brevity's sake...why be so wordy...it's the one over riding rule in very school in the country...

RULE # 1

Bend Over.

Wha? .....hey....who stole my country?

It was open season on bullies

For me when I was growing up. Got the crap kicked out of me when I was 6. Tried to fight back, but WTF I was 6. This douche must have been 9 or 10. Still remember it to this day.

After that, I was a scheming little bastard to them, probably made some their lives a living hell. I admit that I would often incite bullies once I identified them. I always enjoyed the hunt. I don't regret it.

The biggest bully I ever met is government. Probably why I detest it so much.

Epic...

"The biggest bully I ever met is government. Probably why I detest it so much."

What is real Neo? I could've written this. Cheers to connections Jungleboogie!

Peace & Love always.

Father - Husband - Son - Spirit - Consciousness

I grew up throwing fists...father sort of demanded it.

...once I got beat up the first time...I knew I'd had enough of that! I am amazed at things today. We just used to take care of shit...maybe with some friends when prudent...but it ended and order was restored. Today its so surreal and dealt with with drugs. "Accept the Bully - here's a pill" I hated bullies...Big guy with a baby face... I found out through life that there are lots of Napoleons in this world...but sometimes they find out that baby faces can learn to fight. But i must say...a few good shots and some hard road behind you and the Baby Face tends to disappear ;-)

Wha? .....hey....who stole my country?

They forgot Joe Biden's wise advice

"..pee your pants." If it makes a rapist stop raping someone, surely bullies would not bully you once you pee in your pants. Right?

I'd rather have a bottle in front o' me than a frontal lobotomy
www.tattoosbypaul.com
www.bijoustudio-atx.com

The essential problem: Children play differently than adults

Here's the essential problem with these rules: Children play differently than adults.

These dumb rules were made by adults, with adult situations and solutions in mind. Children are ENTIRELY different creatures than grown-ups, much as we try to think otherwise.

There is nothing rational in a child's existence. This is because a child's life is far more physical than mental. Physical play dominates a child's existence up to and into the teen years.

That's why physical lessons like spanking teach small children more effectively than rational discussions -- and why rewards like hugs are more valuable than words of praise.

Because of this, dealing with bullies is best done on a physical level, through active resistance.

Maturity will gradually supplant emotionalism and irrationality -- under good tutelage, of course.

Some grown men never get over schoolyard brawling, but that's likely because their parents were never around for them, and they remain emotionally and mentally underdeveloped. But that's another story.

"Cowards & idiots can come along for the ride but they gotta sit in the back seat!"

Nice.

.

Wha? .....hey....who stole my country?

Tragically Misinformed Advice...

Please do not raise children.

The last thing a child ever wants to hear is: Do it BECAUSE I TOLD YOU, because I'M THE ADULT, because I HAVE THE POWER, because I WILL USE FORCE!

Your advice is to beat children into submission? and then
Beat bullies into submission ?

I hope you are still in your teens, because then you have a good excuse for this nonsensical answer.

Children can't be reasoned with? Yes they can.
Go to my profile and read my last comment about dealing with a crying child. You'll see a real-world example that i witnessed first hand - and i do it constantly.

The bully wins when you become AFRAID.
They are terrorists. Unhappy children who learned unhappy behavior from their broken homes - and they are only acting out what they know from their home environments.

You don't put them in jail.
You don't beat them down -
You HELP them.

You think ANY human WANTS to be unhappy?

First people have to realize that happiness is a skill.
Then they'll realize that they can TRAIN these "bullies" to acquire that skill.

Then they won't be 'bullies' anymore.
That is the answer.
Cheers.

"If you always lean on your master, you will never be able to proceed without him." - Jefferson to his daughter Martha. March 1787

Not so sure about your assertion

that children are irrational.

I suspect that your spankings are an indication that your "adult rationality" is no more than a big kid acting emotionally.

For starters, what is the actual difference between play and work?
A salary? Emotional response? (What you love is play.) Age? Perceived value of the action? (Building a house vs. making a mud pie.)

I find children to be very sophisticated entities from day one.

"sophistication" is relative; & THE PRISON FACTOR in schools

Well, you're helping my position: "sophistication" is a relative matter, after all. The way I see it, adults who imagine children are mentally developed enough to be rational must themselves be less than fully developed mentally. (Not to cast dispersions in your direction.)

Its just that child physiology is totally different than an adult's, and so is their awareness and perception. I can't help but notice that every time my kids knock over their glass of milk or put their elbow in a blob of ice cream.

Also, I neglected to mention the PRISON FACTOR for adolescents: public school is little different than a prison, in that the children are trapped there and must suffer the same hierarchical system of control as in a prison. In this case, the warden [principal], the block officer [teacher], and the kapo [bully]. Like the tough prisoners who shake down the weaker ones for cigarettes and sex, the bully is an agent of control in the school system.

Teachers do not want to be bothered with discipline and conflict resolution. From my experience, they much prefer if the bully solves the conflict through direct suppression, than to interfere in the students' squabbles.

In that situation, physical resistance to the bully is necessary, even though the adolescents are more fully developed mentally and emotionally to find rational solutions to their disputes.

"Cowards & idiots can come along for the ride but they gotta sit in the back seat!"

I think Ayn Rand

Explains it well and Dr Paul would agree.

Whatever may be open to disagreement, there is one act of evil that may not, the act that no man may commit against others and no man may sanction or forgive. So long as men desire to live together, no man may initiate—do you hear me? no man may start—the use of physical force against others.

“To interpose the threat of physical destruction between a man and his perception of reality, is to negate and paralyze his means of survival; to force him to act against his own judgment, is like forcing him to act against his own sight. Whoever, to whatever purpose or extent, initiates the use of force, is a killer acting on the premise of death in a manner wider than murder: the premise of destroying man's capacity to live.

“Do not open your mouth to tell me that your mind has convinced you of your right to force my mind. Force and mind are opposites; morality ends where a gun begins. When you declare that men are irrational animals and propose to treat them as such, you define thereby your own character and can no longer claim the sanction of reason—as no advocate of contradictions can claim it. There can be no ‘right’ to destroy the source of rights, the only means of judging right and wrong: the mind.

“To force a man to drop his own mind and to accept your will as a substitute, with a gun in place of a syllogism, with terror in place of proof, and death as the final argument—is to attempt to exist in defiance of reality. Reality demands of man that he act for his own rational interest; your gun demands of him that he act against it. Reality threatens man with death if he does not act on his rational judgment; you threaten him with death if he does. You place him in a world where the price of his life is the surrender of all the virtues required by life—and death by a process of gradual destruction is all that you and your system will achieve, when death is made to be the ruling power, the winning argument in a society of men.

“Be it a highwayman who confronts a traveler with the ultimatum: ‘Your money or your life,’ or a politician who confronts a country with the ultimatum: ‘Your children’s education or your life,’ the meaning of that ultimatum is: ‘Your mind or your life’—and neither is possible to man without the other.

“If there are degrees of evil, it is hard to say who is the more contemptible: the brute who assumes the right to force the mind of others or the moral degenerate who grants to others the right to force his mind. That is the moral absolute one does not leave open to debate. I do not grant the terms of reason to men who propose to deprive me of reason. I do not enter discussions with neighbors who think they can forbid me to think. I do not place my moral sanction upon a murderer's wish to kill me. When a man attempts to deal with me by force, I answer him—by force.

“It is only as retaliation that force may be used and only against the man who starts its use. No, I do not share his evil or sink to his concept of morality: I merely grant him his choice, destruction, the only destruction he had the right to choose: his own. He uses force to seize a value; I use it only to destroy destruction. A holdup man seeks to gain wealth by killing me; I do not grow richer by killing a holdup man. I seek no values by means of evil, nor do I surrender my values to evil.

Bullies should be ridiculed.

Bullies should be ridiculed. If it could be done verbally, then it would happen, but they're given a gift of being able to improvise with words. Their weapon is ridicule, so if they get beaten up, they are the ridiculed ones. I wouldn't even call defending yourself with force violence. Violence has a specific intent. People need to stop whining about bullying and also get their kids off of the electronics. Why the hell does anyone under 16 need a cell phone? Why are parents letting their toddlers play with tablets?

Please come join my forum if you're not a trendy and agree with my points of view.

Where's the compassion?

There was another post recently about bullying on the Daily Paul and the lack of compassion for those who are and have been bullied is so sad.

This short interview is with a man who was born without arms and legs.
He travels all over and shares with the hurting.

How to stand strong against bullying
http://video.foxnews.com/v/3475510976001/how-to-stand-strong...

Nick Vujicic
https://www.facebook.com/NickVujicic?fref=nf

"And Jesus knew their thoughts, and said unto them, Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation; and every city or house divided against itself shall not stand." Matthew 12:25
http://www.needgod.com/
http://www.geniusthemovie.com/

50% of suicides in Britain, why?

BULLYING. Deal with bullies by taking away their thunderdome. Fighting someone that doesn't care for human life is like voting for rand for freedom.

http://www.bullyingstatistics.org/content/bullying-and-suici...

Double

deleted

If hitting a bully

Is the anything that will stop them, than what does that make you ? How do you plan on solving muslim extremism ? Let me guess we need to kill them first.

Please downvote me if being violent and hurting children is your end goal. Please downvote me if you're so broke you send your kid to the thunderdome instead of getting off your ass to send him somewhere he won't get attacked.

Funny that most adults wouldn't put up with it but hell if it's your kid -- let him deal with it. And when/he she kills themself -- well they were pussies -- and who gives a fuck.

Good thing she beat up her bully. It was too bad she couldn't fight off the other 15. What a weak ass child -- good thing she's dead. We cannot have weaklings like this in the good ol USA.

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2013/10/16/florida-girl-showed-tot...

As per usual.

Downvotes rather than anything closely resembling a reason. Maybe someone should beat you fucks up everyday so you can go home and then be beat on by your dad. And then have people say "oh you should of fought back". Fucking talk that's all. I hope to god you have enough sense one day to figure out molestation isn't love as fighting isn't defense.

Telling your kid to fight instead of solving his problems will only lead them to a criminal life or to bring forth the next bully and his friends.

It's not like I don't have a father that is a bully and still is. Bullies by definition do not care about feelings and much less if you put up a challenge. They will count the days till they get you back and they will. (it's like saying making video games hard will make people stop playing them -- are you fucking retarded?)

Think about Ron Paul and the Republicans -- no wonder so many people here don't want to fight them. They are one in the same, they are just made it isn't them in power. It's pretty fucking sad.

ecorob's picture

You are warped.

You have a different "sense" of reality because of your poor upbringing. I am sorry for you for that.

Now, you are grown up, right?

Can you get over it and get on with the important part of your life or will you lean on this past and continue to be a victim?

its 'cos I owe ya, my young friend...
Rockin' the FREE world in Tennessee since 1957!
9/11 Truth.

deacon's picture

Enabler

Says it best.
Sticking up for yourself in a right of all men.
Telling your kids to defend themselves,trains them in how to deal with real life situations. You way leads to more bullying,and more beatings
Your read sounds like you'd stand there and watch someone else violate either you or your loved ones.

If we deny truth before your very eyes,then the rest of what we have to say,is of little consequence

Sorry,

I'm more of a kick'em in the nuts, followed by a severe waling kind of guy.

And when

His friends beat your ass? What? Pretend it isn't happening. Do you not realize violence begets violence.

Sorry my friend

but there is a time for everything, even and especially violence. I learned to deal with bullies at an early age. The first time a supposed bully came up and picked on me it was either a kick in the nuts or a punch in the throat, followed by the proper beating, depending on how the initial kick or punch affected them. If they bent down after the kick in the nuts, it was an instant hark kick to the face. If the punch to the throat made them grab their throat ( which is 90% of the case), then they either got a kick in the nuts or a proper throw down to the ground. NEVER had any problems with bullies after the first meeting. I will not be trampled upon, and neither will my children. BTW, I have friends too, AND I've managed to live this long.