Grey Lady to Uncle Sam: Smoke a joint and take the money.Submitted by Smudge Pot on Sun, 07/27/2014 - 10:37
In a marvelous example of leading from behind, the New York Times breathlessly reports today that it suddenly supports marijuana legalization. This has led to widespread speculation among observers: who or whom let granny out of the basement?
In this innaugural piece the Grey Lady rambles on in a matter-of-fact tone, saying why OF COURSE Reefer Madness is bunk darling, simply EVERYBODY knows that and she promises more scintilating reporting to come. I would imagine we'll all be shocked, simply shocked, in coming days to "discover" that prohibition laws disporportionately impact minorities and the poor, that the wealthy at their Manhattan soirees are hoovering up enough drugs to tranquilize the Levant on a daily basis (mon dieu darling was that you in the elevator?), that the war on drugs is actually a war on the American people (no really darling that's too harsh, let's stick with the term "disporportionate effect") and many other DAZZLING FACTS delivered from a dottering geriatric trust funder.
So it's with an entirely blase manner that Grey Lady, in this first in what's to become, I'm sure, seminal scientific research and an eternal literary masterpiece that Grey Lady lets pass that "Creating systems for regulating manufacture, sale and marketing will be complex."
Know why old rich women are known for wearing aweful perfume that fills up a room and lingers for many painful minutes after? It's not perfume. That's them continuously farting ambergris, verdigris and rancid grease. It's as corrosive to freedom as...dis-similar metals connected by a liquid electrolyte.
See everybody in general just wants to see government chill the F out but that ain't gonna happen. To make it with the state you have to sacrifice something at their altar and like "liberal" Colorado and at least the extreme Western part of Washington, everybody knows that you have to tempt government with a new franchise, you have to pay them off, you have to provide cushy appointed jobs for their tribes and as usual you have to let them play the man with the gun and badge. In fact you have to pay for all new guns and badges up front so they can use them to abuse you with. Heck what's more ludicrous? This or the assertion that it will take complex systems for regulating manufacture, sale and marketing to produce a FREAKING WEED?
In a sense the Pale Pooch is correct: it does take a very complex system to produce weed indeed, it's called THE ECOSYSTEM ON PLANET EARTH.
I challenge government to come up with a better production method than growing the stuff on planet Earth and sorry hydroponics is already taken. The state can't take credit for inventing it but fortunately it's even happier to regulate it. Just as the Grim Trim proposes a complex system for sale of smoke. It can't be said that the traditional method of meeting Julio on the corner once a week to conduct a somewhat tense exchange of dollars for the contents of a sandwich bag is always simple, nor is the highly delicate social negotiation of seeing somebody busting a spliff at a concert and saying "hey man mind if I get a hit?" This is before we add the levels of social complexity in barter economy. If we're having a party and you are bringing the beer and I'm bringing the weed, EXACTLY HOW MUCH BEER EQUALS HOW MUCH WEED?
With a variable product like weed it's indeed so complex that it's usually resoved by agreeing that we'll just bring AS MUCH BEER AND WEED AS WE CAN. See, it's not resolved in units of currency at this highly complex level but by a show of good faith by both parties. Plus the socially reinforcing factor principle that states a. if you don't put out nobody will come to your parties and b. if you do put out everybody will come to your parties so there's again this HIGHLY COMPLEX system in place already.
So to this, the Grey Matron leads the already overburdened donkey of government to complicate things further. Ass first as always. I just can't wait to see what they come up with. We're talking New York here, nothing is out of bounds.
Marketing. Marketing weed. I mean seriously they just said that. Where do we even start? OK so what complex system are we gonna devise to "market" something practically everybody already wants and uses? Like on a daily basis? Please explain to us how to "convert" a market that represents INFINITE INSATIABLE DEMAND? There's people LITERALLY DYING TO TRY IT but now we need a "complex system".
Pardon me madam but might you mean complicated in the same way of selling a 2-D marketing media printed on pulped trees and distributed by gas burning trucks and hawked on dirty street corners (next to the "drug peddlers" coincidentally) in a digital age? You mean that kind of complex? Plus a few hundred mil pumped into your neice's ad agency? So she can come up with a branding concept? Yeah and we'll need a logo. Now what's a symbol that kinda encapsulates weed? Hmmmmm...better start corraling the focus groups. Hire interns from MIT so we can get some smart sounding lingo in here. Wait, you say weed IS it's own logo? OK time to move for copyright ownership and trademark protection. Now you own weed. Ain't that special? Now you can monetize it and market it and manufacture it and sell it and reap the rewards and distribute the patronage and maintain control until you finally die,
you Pale Pooch bitch.