President Obama Signs Executive Order Allowing Mulligans on the Back NineSubmitted by Chris Simoleonski on Thu, 08/21/2014 - 17:11
Speaking to press from the lawn at the Vineyard Golf Club where the president is currently vacationing, White House press secretary Josh Earnest today announced that President Barack Obama has signed executive order 54303 into law.
"For too long, America has suffered under a deplorable two-tiered class system" read the prepared text message "in which golfers who play their best games in the afternoon hold an unfair advantage over those who may, uh, shank a few of their drives and are then forced to spend hours looking for their lost ball in the bushes."
The 'Believing America Deserves A Second Shot' (BADASS) Act of 2014 will heal this divide by providing every American, regardless of their place of birth, a free 'drop' on each and every hole on the back 9 of every golf course in America."
The order is expected to be ruled constitutional despite controversial subsections requiring all golf carts be retrofitted with airbags and cup holders, and ordering all '19th hole' pubs to put jalapeño poppers back on the menu, and stop putting so much ice in the sodas.