40 votes

NOW I will tell you about death.

part of my job as a deputy meant that we picked up dead bodies from the desert.

it is the most gross and disgusting job i have ever done.

As an EMT they tell us if it comes out of a human body we end up wearing it. We get puked on, we get pooped on, we get spat on and we still do our jobs.

OK try getting dead people juice in your mouth. Eeeeeeew.

Know what a human body looks like and tastes like after a week or so?

The lipidic fat gets into our skin and our hair and our fingers to all you taste for weeks is dead decomposing bodies.

But would you believe there is honor in it?

We are your last taxi. And when you see the survivors who cry and thank you.....

thank you

thank you for bringing our loved one home. Our son, our fathers, our mothers, our children....

People come to the mountains to die. We have this natural homing instinct and just like dogs we seek to separate ourselves from our living ones lest predators come and we never want them to see it.

I have seen it dozens of times. And every single DB (cop words for dead body) I remember every single one of their names. Every name is burned into my memory because we have a relationship. I get to bear your body so I only meet you in death.

There is this one "pickup" as we called it and I don't think it will do any harm to tell you that his name was David Labradori.

All unattended deaths to us are by default a homidice until we prove different and this one scnene we got on before the full investigation and what you do is observe from far away. We just don't want to run up and corrupt the crime snece with footprints or our DNA or anything so we approach the scene by circling and communicating what we see. Gathering forensics.

There was some confusion about David Labradori that confused us becaue our intel was that he was a mid level drug pusher and we were not sure. If he did this to himself or if somebody did it to him but he had a vaccum cleaner hose going from the tail pipe of his car and into the cabin where it looked like he planned and meticulously did this.

So here's like half of Yavapai County sheriffs and everybody standing around and my Chief who was the best forensic detective on this continent and nobody could figure it out and I am the little man on this job and I pipe up and say I know this is a suicide.

Everbody looks at me. How do I know?

I say guys look at where his car is pointed.

And everybody looks and looks back at me like what?

GUYS. HIS CAR WAS POINTED TO THE RISING SUN.

And everybody looked and true enough, his car was angled to where the sun rose over the mountains. He died looking at the rising sun.

Well anyways we photo documented the whole scene and it was time to make the approach and I breached the vehicle and say something I will never forget and now that I tell you, you won't either. If you are reading this I guarantee you will never forget.

On his lap was a brand new composition notebook just like the ones us old people useed to get in school with the speckly cover. And he had a pencil in his hand. And the first page on that book, he wrote two words:

Dear Mom

and the whole rest of it was blank. That's as far as he made it. He pointed his eyes to the rising sun and he had this notebook and he intended to tell him mom something.

This is another secret I have kept but with your permission and those of David's ancestors I think I know the rest of his words so it's a dark honor for me to finish them now:

Dear Mom,

Mom I really messed it up this time and i don't know how to tell you but I love you. With much love, your son David. And I am sorry. I am so sorry.

Love,

David

...

For many years i have kept secrets but this one I now divulge and I wish, perhaps like you that we had got to him just an hour before so that we could share with him the forgiveness of messiah. And now I take the role of his mom and say son, my son, whatever you have done, we can make this right, we can get through this. For you are my son and I love you no matter what. Because i know what a mom is. She always takes our side, she always understands and no matter that, come hell or high water, our moms love us and there is no single thing we can do on this earth that they will not at least try to forgive us for.

So just those two words: Dear Mom utterly convinced us that this was indeed not a homicide but a suicide. And i knew that from 20 feet away.

The reason i telll you this now is because no matter how bad it gets,

no matter what you have done,

we still love you and that will never stop.

If you know a David that has put themselves beyond our capability to forgive you just tell them that this is IMPOSSIBLE AND THEY CAN NEVER EVER DO ANYTHING THAT WE WILL NOT ATTEMPT TO HEAL. AND YOU TELL THEM HEY, WE UNDERSTAND. AND YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WE CANNOT FORGIVE YOU FOR. For we are all humans and the scope of life shows us all things we would not rather see.

I think this has significance as we face these people that we have hurt so very badly that now they are reacting and they call themselves ISIS/ISIL and if there ever was a bunch of natural born killers, this is them and they hate us with such a passion that they will kill themselves, their mothers and cousins and sisters and aunts and the dog on the corner.

Can I convince you to see that this is a cry for help?

And can i convince you that we can prevent this with love? Even as lost as this situation seems to be, we can't fight death with firearms or death or even nuclear weapons?

The closest thing we can get to perfection is forgiveness. Can you forgive youself?

Cause that is where it starts. But aslso it starts with us forgiving Dave and Dave is just another word for you.

There is nothing, absolutely noting on this Earth that our messiah has not already forgiven you for and now it's up to us to make that real. And this is our greatest power: to unerstand and forgive.

Mitakuye Oyasin,

Smudge



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egapele's picture

Legalize your gut is correct

Smudge my heart goes out to you