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I Am Going Through My Second Divorce, Ten Years After The First.

My wife filed for it last week, after only five years of marriage.

The fact is I do have personal issues that have made her unhappy for longer than she can handle.

She is a mother and I am a father. We must give each other happiness, first, for our kids' balance.

I love her with all my heart, and I know she is still my friend because she is very supportive of me for my taking better care of myself.

As I want to save our marriage, I hope I will have been able to do it for myself and for her - in her eyes, in her recovered happiness - by the end of the 6 month cool off period of the procedure.

I am going to be off this site for a while.

Well ordered charity starts with and for self.

I love you all on here, good people, for your sharing in and for liberty.


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Hope for the best

It's not over till its been through the courts.
So, if you want to try and save what you have.
My advice is....
1. Try to spend some time with just the two of you, whenever possible, I'm not talking about the bedroom, I'm talking about going for a weekend arts & craft show, concert, hiking, whatever???
2. Take her to the places where you felt really close to her, when she began to fall in love with you. (again, if possible).
Hopefully, this will rekindle her feelings and maybe she will reconsider.
3. Do NOT BEG...PLEASE, Just do not do this immature stuff, OK.
4. Be real and be yourself,...let her know how you feel and what you hope for your marriage.
5. Truly. Apologize for when you did wrong....if applicable.
6. Read the book..."The Marriage Builder"...by Lawrence J. Crabb Jr.
It is a good book on marriage...used by counselors, I think.
7. Do forget the old fashion stuff...you know "Flowers & Candy", Hey don't laugh...It works...sometimes.
8. Now, Get your butt in gear and go for it...My prayers are for you and the best...
9. P.S. You are one of the most likeable DP subscriber I know and I'm sure you have lots of friends here.
10. Oh yeah...Don't forget prayer.

Divorce and Remarriage is Adultry

That is according to the Son of God. Mark 10: 1-12. Maybe he knows something you don't. Good luck.

More on this topic

There is some dissent with that opinion, mainly over the word translated as both "put away" and "divorce" by the KJV in that Mark passage. This opinion, "Divorce and Remarriage is Adultery," puts the Messiah in direct conflict with Deuteronomy 24:1-4. To elaborate, imagine being a woman alive around 30 AD. You read the law. It said that if she 1) had a bill of divorce and 2) was departed out of his house, then "she may go and be another man's wife." Now, IF this law was changed around that time, and this woman had acted in good faith, remarrying according to Deuteronomy, should she be punished for that?

Here is a link that may help:

The Three Premises of This Study

1. Marriage is a conditional contract. We showed that [Yahweh] married Israel at Mt. Sinai and treated Israel as a married wife, until He divorced her (Jer.3:8) for insubordination and disobedience. If marriage were unconditional, then [Yahweh] could not have divorced her without tainting Himself with sin. Therefore, it must have been conditional.

2. "Put away" is distinct form "divorce." We showed how the Law mandates that a man must give his wife divorce papers before putting her away. One is the legal act of terminating the marriage; the other is the act of sending her away. This Law was set up to correct the historical injustice left by the loophole in the Hammurabi Code.

3. [Yahweh's] Law was not abolished. [Yahshua] said this in Matthew 5:17-19, Paul said this in Romans 3:31, and John defines sin in terms of violation of [Yahweh's] Law in 1 John 3:4.

You may disagree with some minor parts of this study, and that is your privilege. But if you find these three premises to be true, then you must agree that remarriage after divorce is not adultery.

More here: http://www.truthofyahweh.org/divorce.htm


Hear, O Israel: YHUH our God YHUH one. And thou shalt love YHUH thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.

You maybe right, jruss133 and...

The Son of God got it wrong.

However, what is your authority? Have you ever given sight to the blind?

As for me, it is not hard to distinguish opinion from truth. Mark 10: 1-12 still stands and has for a very long time. Longer than you have been alive. God's only begotten Son is correct and you are in error, jruss133.

I could give you additional verses to help your understanding, but perhaps you should discover them for yourself. Afterall, firsthand knowledge is always the best. Good luck.

He got it right

As far as I can tell. My comment was to a possible mistranslation by us, not by him.

It would help if you could be more specific about the error I have made, and which verse says remarriage after divorce is adultery. It seems the mistranslation by the KJV is the word "divorced" in Matthew 5:32. That is the only place I have found in the New Testament where it is translated "divorced." In Mark that same word is translated "put away," and that is, I think, correct.

Mark 10:11-12 And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her. And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery.

"Remarriage after divorce is adultery...Mark 10:1-12."

Here you used the word "divorce" instead of "put away." Your paraphrase assumes the terms "put away" and "divorce" are synonymous. I have not yet evidence of that assertion, but I meant no offense.


Hear, O Israel: YHUH our God YHUH one. And thou shalt love YHUH thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.

pa lease

You have to be kidding, right?

Third time's the charm

I like to be positive.

If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
James Madison

Phxarcher87's picture


another one bites the dust. This is such a broken world.

"Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect" - Mark Twain

Cyril's picture

It's actually over.

I won't save it.

Nobody can.

"Cyril" pronounced "see real". I code stuff.


"To study and not think is a waste. To think and not study is dangerous." -- Confucius

Before you completely give up,

please read this:


You, your wife and children are in our thoughts and prayers.

"Hence, naturally enough, my symbol for Hell is something like the bureaucracy of a police state or the office of a thoroughly nasty business concern." ~~C.S. Lewis
Love won! Deliverance from Tyranny is on the way! Col. 2:13-15

I can save your next marriage

Don't do it again!

Sorry to hear about your marriage ending. It hurts but you will survive and thrive again! Keep breathing and keep moving as much as possible. Sitting around makes it all so much worse.

So sorry, Cyril. Just now saw your sad comment.

Your DP family is still here, ready to welcome you home. Keep faith with you as you move forward on the path of life. I hope you are back with us again.

“It is the food which you furnish to your mind that determines the whole character of your life.”
―Emmet Fox

It takes two

I've been married since 1976, my second marriage.

You both have to be committed to making this work. One person cannot do it alone.

I wish you both the best.

At least you don't have typhoid fever.

That's a plus.

Don't feed the pandas. Ever.


Try marriage MENTORING, NOT counseling. It has about an 80% success rate!

You are still in control of your situation

Think for a sec at my condition.
The woman left me in the second month of being pregnant and I never saw even a photo of my daughter.

She is 11 now and all I know from the internet she is into gymnastics in Switzerland.

LL on Twitter: http://twitter.com/LibertyPoet
sometimes LL can suck & sometimes LL rocks!
Love won! Deliverance from Tyranny is on the way! Col. 2:13-15

You want to save your

You want to save your marriage? Remind her why she married you in the first place. Marriage goes through seasons. Why would she give up after just 5 years.

About 8 years ago I almost made the biggest mistake of my life when I decided I wanted out. Luckily my wonderful husband is also very stubborn and refused to give up on me. God I don't know where I'd be without that man.

Good Luck

Usually, when someone files, they've already got one foot out the door and are at the point of no return.

Your children may still help you stay together but it will be rough waters ahead.

Also. It's cheaper to keep her.


Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom, must, like men, undergo the fatigue of supporting it. ~Thomas Paine

Cheaper to keep her!

I believe in the opposite! You will have your mind back and will not be burdened with someone who doesn't really want to be with you which actually will enable you to be productive.

God grant me the serenity to

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Please take care of yourself and

stay strong! Keep you and your child in mind with positive and mature actions. That will also help your wife maybe see things differently in time.


Being still friends is to your great advantage, and hers...

as well as to the children. It seems from what you have said she might be willing to work it out. It will take, however, an admission of the ways you believe you have hurt her, your sincere apology, and an effort to change. None of these are easy, I know. All people have a tendency (either great or small) to excuse behavior, I sure am no exception to this. But it is one of the greatest stumbling blocks to a relationship there is.

There is lots of great advice under mine, including treat her as you did when you were courting, and others. Love her and the children as well, we all will be rooting for you and her. I pray God will remind her of why she married you in the first place and that you will work it out. We will miss you here at DP, but first things first.

"Hence, naturally enough, my symbol for Hell is something like the bureaucracy of a police state or the office of a thoroughly nasty business concern." ~~C.S. Lewis
Love won! Deliverance from Tyranny is on the way! Col. 2:13-15

I humbly share some thoughts

Often I see people enter marriage for convenience--to end the pestering from family, as a show of achievement (a life milestone), to partake in conjugal delights, and even for a government tax reprieve. Then there are marriages that form from pithy love where happiness from pleasure of the senses or of the mind drives the temporal commitment. Such a state seems ephemeral to me as the senses dull and the mind wanders. And so it seems ironic that a marriage for convenience may sometimes outlast the marriage of the latter.

Then there is marriage with purpose. Purpose is our utmost goal. Of course if the purpose is for convenience, then any inconvenience would tend to dissolve the marriage. If not for convenience, why marry and for what purpose? How does a marriage with purpose compare to one formulated by our current popular culture? In my estimation, our popular culture equates happiness with pleasure and looks at discomfort as a vice. If purpose can be found in our popular culture, it is surely this: seek out happiness and avoid hardship. If it were not for its intrinsically self-absorbed sense of awareness, this hedonistic exhortation seems a most sensible mantra. Purpose, then, involves more than being self-aware; Purpose is about being fully aware and it invariably means asking what is the reason for life?

If the purpose for marriage is for rearing children, then perhaps we can count on the marriage to last eighteen years or so. A couple married with such purpose will find happiness in the development of their children through their triumphs and foibles. Notice that happiness here is not devoid of pleasure but can taste the joy in the growing pains of life. But when the children grow up, where does the marriage go?

If the purpose for marriage is for life long companionship, then perhaps we can count on the marriage to last "till death do us part." And yet, these secular soul mate unions derive their drive from maintaining an equilibrium of satisfaction (or dissatisfaction). For if the purpose is for companionship, the cycle will be a constant adding of salt and water to taste. And perhaps it is enough to live as play mates until our last breath...

But if we ask, what is the reason for life? We may wander on and ask, what is beyond this life? At this point we might ponder on the soul. For if there is nothing beyond this life, there is no soul and if there is no soul, then no soul mate. And the ebb and flow of play mates would seem the most sensible course to chart on the waters of Life. But if there is purpose to this life, it is assuredly to live for Love. The soul is a vessel that seeks to be filled with Love and shared for Love. If marriage is entered for the temporal trappings of love without the soul, when the trap is unexpectedly sprung, we see love come hither and then away. If marriage is entered for the Eternal, for Love, then our life is more directed and less likely to go astray. For once we have this general purpose, our specific calling will be easier to discern; a marriage shared by two soul mates becomes one shared by two soul ministers who will care for one another in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, and thus becomes the support for a full and meaningful life.

Perhaps my thoughts are a bit esoteric? Maybe we can glean some wisdom from Kahlil Gibran and his thoughts on marriage.

That's deep bro.

That's deep bro.

“Let it not be said that no one cared, that no one objected once it’s realized that our liberties and wealth are in jeopardy.”
― Ron Paul

pre-marriage counseling

Before my wife and I got married we had some counseling from three ministers for a year. One thing we both agreed on was that marriage was for life, not something to be taken lightly, and that it was a three way relationship, myself, my spouse, and God. Its been six years and we have had lots of fights, disagreements, and have lots of things we don't like about each other. But we still hold on because we need each other. My strengths complement her weaknesses, and her strengths complement my weaknesses. Through the rough times, God has softened my hard edges through my wife, making me less rigid and judgmental. And God has shattered the naivety of my wife and taught her to not care what others think through me. I have learned people cant change people, we can only change ourselves.

I believe there is always hope. I hope you can get through this rough time.



I wish you the best Cyril

I wish you and your family the best Cyril. If you need anything don't hesitate to ask.


& a couch, if you ever need one 'round here.

One day, I'm gonna' change my name to Dale Lee Paul

Did you ask her why? Did you

Did you ask her why? Did you talk to her about the possibility of working things out?

Make sure emotional satisfaction is not an issue



learning to provide another with emotional satisfaction often requires a conscious effort.

Me, I am always glad-handing. I have learned that others are satisfied with honest gestures of quality time, or affirmation or a gift or an act of service. One in five chance the other has the same needs.

I started with understanding why I was emotionally satisfied.

Best wishes Cyril, from Paul.

Free includes debt-free!