For those who love truth above all else

If you do not fit that description, do not bother with this post. This is long and will piss you off if you can not objectively look at life. Some people form an opinion and then seek evidence to support their opinion. I consciously strive to observe and allow the truth to reveal itself, whether I like it or not. Anyway, it will probably be deleted within minutes, but here goes:

I was recently accused of believing I am “superior.” To be honest, I am not fully sure who or what I am supposed to believe I am superior to, as I stopped reading there and began to cry. Typical for me – any shock makes me cry – helluva soldier I would be! (Seriously - I can stitch you up, but will pass out if I bleed...) At any rate, the truth for me is far different. I am constantly looking for the “right” answer and rarely sure I have found it, and that is especially true for my own place in this world. This comment came from a person I thought sort of understood that about me, so it was doubly surprising. But, I did what I had to do to survive, and people may consider me a chicken or worse for it if they must, but I stopped reading. However I failed to measure up for this person, I have a day to day life I must get through without crying all the time.

Anyone who was with the Ron Paul movement through the primary season knows what it is like to have your world continually shifting under your feet. Sometimes one must carefully examine the new ground and find a way to stand there, sometimes it is best to just keep leaping, keep trying to reach a deeper meaning, or the highest truth. I do not claim to make that call correctly every time, but I have learned to make a call and then deal with my decision. I jumped, and rather than look at myself closely and be sure he was not right, that somewhere I changed from being terribly unsure about the world, about constantly questioning myself... I did not feel the need to examine that ground, I am pretty sure it is not “mine.”

I did not merely take a blind leap away from the pain, I had already been making my running start. To explain why I was running away from Ron Paul, I have to explain something about myself that at first blush will seem to confirm the accusation that had been made. I hope anyone who bothers to read this at all will read it in its entirety, and make a more fully informed decision. Perhaps a gentle reader or two might even realize there is no need for them to judge me at all, but perhaps use it as an opportunity to understand humans better by this glimpse into one human.

I am a data-processing machine, a human truth detector. Curiosity may kill cats, but it makes children very intelligent. It has been decades since I did the formal test, but at the time my IQ was 158. I want to know EVERYTHING. One of the greatest frustrations I suffer is having to drive past a dirt road I have never been down. I want to KNOW what is down there, I don't care if someone else tells me, or if there is a sign, each road is a little world of its own, and I want to go there.

Our early married life as logger and wife allowed us to be gypsies in America, and we loved it. While folks living the American dream would take a vacation for a few weeks a year, then go back to their comfortable, known world, we lived in each town for a few months. We did not blow into town, drop a few bucks and expect the locals to fawn over us, we became “honorary locals.” We were heroes, bringing a much needed boost to the small town economies of the Pacific Northwest. I would wait tables, Mark worked in the woods. Neither of us complained about our “wasted intellects” - we loved our little lives! Then something happened in Canada, we did not really understand what at the time. The mills began to close, and the logging jobs went away. We lingered a while, Mark planted trees...

We adapted. We got educated, got into health care. We even loved it, although we have always longed to return to something we lost... But we managed to become quite “successful.” Then I became a patient in the system I had dedicated much of my life to. Decades of believing I was part of the finest health care system in the world were ripped to shreds in an instant – the instant I realized the Rockefeller connection to the AMA. Everything in my world makes more sense now, but I must accept that I was a devoted, dedicated, joyful data entry unit for the medical experiments being run by the New World Order. Rough stuff to accept about one's self, but rougher still that many of the people I know and love do not heed my warnings. They cannot sustain the truth, and it becomes a chasm between us. They run to the doctor and get a prescription, and get sicker and sicker. They want to ask me about it, but they still cannot let go of their comfortable lie and hear my answer. They find it easier to believe I am deceived and keep taking the drug, keep getting sicker.

If it seems I feel “superior” because I freely admit I have a quick mind, and I have a driving, obsessive curiousity, and have been so burned by lies that I cherish truth above all else... please consider what this “superiority” costs me: I have a husband and 2 children who have lived with me through the entire process; being a waitress to the climb to managing a very large medical clinic, to being poisoned by antidepressants and rejected by the medical community I had served, to watching my brothers and sisters turn their backs on my when I became severely suicidal on and trying to get off the SSRI drugs... My little family are the only people I have any hope will stand by me for a lifetime. And that hope is great, they have not failed me through any of this, and by this I know I am greatly blessed. Beyond my family are a handful of friends, a tiny handful, who have also weathered all of my storms, and I have weathered theirs. Should life add to this band, I will rejoice. It is the time in my life that this band is likely to begin diminishing though, and that is a truth I accept. But to enlarge the band, I will not stop observing, will not stop processing the data the Universe enters into my brain – I cannot, it is my nature. I cannot compromise who I am for the sake of company that does not like me or what I say, it would be foolish.

Fellow travelers often are found on the same path as I, and I do all I can to enjoy the company while it lasts, but a logger's wife learns to move on without looking back – I daresay I would have fared better than Lot's wife. So, I offer you fellow "Ron Paul" travelers this observation, and then I shall resume walking the path that rises to meet my feet, with as much grace and dignity as a blind and bumbling truth seeker can muster. I do not wish to disturb anyone, I wish to share what little gift I was given. I have a quick brain, by nature I process data all the time, seeking the answers, looking for the “hidden picture” and I often see things long before others. There was a time I believed I was psychic, and I got many friends and family members to think I might be. Now I would say it is more as though I were the lookout. Most people are very busy, examining their checkbook, their gas gauge, the look in their spouses face – the things directly before them. My daily life is often a shambles (a housewife with piles of laundry and dishes!) but it is because my curious little eyes are fixed on the horizon. The horizon of human events and of human nature, and I often see things before others have time to look up and notice. And you, dear fellow travelers, know that the distractions to keep our eyes focused on smoke and mirrors are constant and deliberate.

The other day I posted a question, intended to provoke some discussion on US, “the grassroots” and our own weaknesses. I know it is more pleasant to focus on our strengths, but I maintain it is more useful to plumb the depths of our weakness. It is not pessimistic, it is realistic and derived from a sincere desire to succeed in the long run. This discussion never even began, and the thread deteriorated into another “is he or is he not a Mason” fight. I made a few attempts to change the direction, but then resorted to what I have chosen as my “fall-back” position: Observe. If the Universe is showing me something, even if it is not what I went looking for, I am better off to suspend my search and observe what is unfolding before me. (I am deliberately not posting a link to the previous thread, I have no desire to fire up that discussion again.)

Serendipity is my muse. Another thread began while I was still contemplating the thread I had posted. Someone was asking or offering advice on how to sort sources and interpret information. It is a worthy title, but it disturbs me that it began a month after the general election. It was the first thing Mark and I clarified in our minds: If it is all lies all the time, how do we recognize “truth?” And the answer we devised guided us through every step of this process, and it has served us well. Again, I deliberately will not “give away our secret” not because it is a secret, but because it is OUR method. I am glad people are asking this question, but saddened that it is asked so late. What were you doing before – trusting Ron Paul blindly...?

And somewhere in the back of my little data-processing brain, the final “variable” in some equation became a “known” and the summary unfolded in my mind. It was not comfortable, it was not happy, but it fit my standard for determining if something is true or not. Mind you, I know I am a “fuzzy” processor, and try to assign a probability score to my conclusions. I consider the veracity of each variable I allowed into the equation, and adjust the answer's confidence score accordingly. I will allow some wiggle room for “gut feelings” but no more than 5%. And here is what my sad little truth loving self has realized: The biggest success of the Ron Paul movement was to stop all discussion of 9-11 through the entire election. Whether he intended it or not is immaterial to me, results are what matter. I love truth, above all else, even Ron Paul.

The truth is, Ron Paul gathered a large group of truthers, got the most politically engaged and activist minded of them to SHUT UP en masse, and continues to keep them from discussing the BIG LIE that sustains the entire smoke and mirrors game. Regardless of his intent, what Master is served by his deeds?

And I wish you all well, sincerely. I know that the fucktards, as I now classify them, find what is good in a human heart and twist it to their own benefit. They are the masters at taking lemons and making lemonade; they took my desire to help the ill and made me their bitch - I have no illusions about the “possibility” that I can be deceived! But I will continue to do my best to seek ANSWERS, rather than seek justification for my opinion. And if there is one answer that could heal this entire world at once, it would be the answer to this question: "What really happened on 9-11?” As I have sought to bring this QUESTION to the forefront, the greatest hindrance, my greatest enemy has been... Ron Paul. It is time for me to grab my ass with both hands and leap, unfettered, into the abyss.

Heavy hearted, I leave you now, but the heart is carried by unburdened soul. I do not wish to make anyone angry, or uncomfortable, but you all have been the most amazing travelers I have ever encountered on my path and I cannot make the assumption that none of you were ready to read this. I shall miss you, I shall honor you all for I know that you at least are trying to stare into the abyss. All three of my genetic sisters have told me, literally, that they prefer their head in the sand. Those words. People are always welcome to contact me and PLEASE take me to deeper truths if you can, but personal attacks on me will be ignored. I have not asked you to do anything, to change anything, to be anything other than what you are right now. I have shared with you a bit of who and what I am, to the best of my ability. Your opinions of me are not important, your opinion of YOU is what matters.

I will be around for a little while to see if there are genuine, thoughtful questions or replies. I will continue to check here for headlines if I am not banned, but I cannot come here and pretend to support a man who is the best weapon AGAINST the Truth Movement, so I will no longer post here or reply to posts out of respect for the wonderful, good thing in manystrom that led to this website. But truth brought me to Ron Paul, not the other way around. Truth now leads me on.

ONLY truth can liberate.