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Obama: Soother in Chief


Soother in ChiefHow Barack Obama calms a panicked nation.
By Jack ShaferPosted Thursday, Jan. 8, 2009, at 8:01 PM ET

When these frightful times of financial confusion and credit constipation become too much, I dial up Barack Obama on YouTube to suppress my anxieties. The Voice works like aerosolized Paxil on my limbic system, reducing my blood pressure and lifting my mood.

If this president thing doesn't work out for him, I'm sure Obama could make a living recording evacuation tapes for the airline industry: "The aircraft … in which you are seated … is falling … at a rate that Bernoulli's principle … can not overcome. … As we crash … into the tarmac … please remain calm … unbuckle your safety belts … and walk in an orderly fashion … to the marked exits … to deplane."

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I think

I'm going to take a nap.