0 votes

D-I-V-O-R-C-E

Pretty good email I received: (Could argue with some of it!)

Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists, and Obama supporters, et al:

We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know, we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but, sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot, and will not ever agree on what is right, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile, chalk it up to irreconcilable differences, and go our own way.

Here is a model separation agreement:

Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA, and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore, and Rosie O'Donnell (You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them.)

We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart, and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies, and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's, and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood.

You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks, and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security. We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N. But we will no longer be paying the bill.

We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks, and oversized luxury cars. You can take every rice burner you can find. You can give everyone health care, if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe health care is a luxury and not a right. We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum By Ya, or We Are the World.

We'll practice trickle down economics, and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you we'll keep our history, our name, and our flag.

Would you agree to this? If so please pass it along to other like minded liberal and conservative patriots, and if you do not agree, just hit delete.

In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you ANWAR which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.

Sincerely,
John J. Wall.
Law Student and an American

P.S. Also, please take Barbara Streisand & Jane Fonda.




Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.

I am

making an indescrable sound.

I smell false dichotomy

--"You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us."

Actually, the left can take that too. I'd rather have non-interventionism. They can have AIPAC too.

Register as Republican and Vote for Ron Paul

Epic troll

There's enough troll content in this letter to piss off the entire political spectrum.

I can't stand it when people send these

dumb emails out and perpetuate the LIES!

My republican friends are

My republican friends are such arrogant assholes. They'd love this. If you are against the war, you might as well be moveon.org and best buddies with hollywood. They have no idea what conservative means.

hell no

I do not want most of the shit listed for either side. Ok so lets take all the unconstitutional trash and split it evenly! Freaking idiot!

The Abuse of Greatness is when it disjoins remorse from power. - Shakespeare

I'm with you there! LOL

You gotta know when to hold 'em...

What are you fightin' for?
Caught in the middle?
Freedom is only for those with the guts to defend it!

Laugh.

Unconstitutional Trash = Obama.

Find out if you have a local militia - http://www.uaff.us/

Real Patriots for 9/11 truth -- http://patriotsquestion911.com/

wow.

I think I saw Dick Cheney and his cronies handing out this very same letter!!

"We'll practice trickle down

"We'll practice trickle down economics"

no thanks!

in other words

you take your socialism, we'll take our fascism? No thanks.

This author still thinks there's a difference

Miamisburg, Montgomery County, Ohio

Sounds like typical

Sounds like typical GOP(neocon) propaganda to me.

I don't want any part of either side...as described...

...instead, I think I am the child of the marriage who can't stand either of my alcoholic, dysfunctional, combative, 80 I.Q. parents...I want to go live with my grandparents in the mountains of Ecuador.

**“The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.” ~ Mark Twain **

"...there is no doubt that it (socialism) could not possibly have affected us so widely and so deeply as it has, had it not been heavily financed". - B. Carroll Reece

Ditto

I argue with Reps and Dems every day, yet each seem to think I "belong" to the other group since I don't agree with them on EVERY SINGLE POINT they make. These guys just can't seem to wrap their little minds around the idea that not everyone can be neatly categorized into two political or ideological camps.

I'm a little confused...

it appears some of the you can keep and we will keep quotes are mixed up...

O.P.O.G.G. - Fighting the attempted devolution of the rEVOLution
Ron Paul 2012...and beyond
BAN ELECTRONIC VOTING!!

That's because

the original author is still in a sleepwalking state. I found that I'd be on both sides of the border depending on the issue too :)

Good

except I would give them the Neo-cons and the warmongers as well. As for our part, I think we would want to keep the Founding Fathers' "Peace, Commerce and Honest Friendship with all nations, entangling alliances with none."

Can we please make that one little change => ?

with that one little change

this peace-mongering hippie is staying with the conservative side.