I would ask you to refer to this comment from Doc Holladay which was very insightful.
The bottom line is that it all starts and ends with you. You have to change for you, and no one else. You have to WANT it for you.
Many of us here have fought similar demons, so we know all of the excuses, and sick reasoning that comes into play when justifying an addiction.
It is about personal responsibility, and being honest with yourself. If you can't be honest with yourself, then you can't be honest with anyone else.
Many people in the last thread (where you admitted your alcoholism), suggested that you go to alcoholics anonymous.
This program works for some people, and some people use other ways to beat their addiction.
One of the most beneficial parts of AA is the 12 step program. It helps you to understand the reasons why you drink, and and helps you take a "personal inventory", and get brutally honest with yourself.
It also has a step where you make peace with all of the people you may have harmed through your alcoholism, by either giving them a phone call or writing them a letter. That step in itself is a very healing act.
I think AA would be good for you, because you need personal interaction, and REAL hugs, not cyber hugs. You need REAL people who have been there and done that, that can look you in the eye, and tell you when you are being dishonest with yourself and others.
One of the toughest things to do is go into a room full of strangers, and admit that you are an alcoholic. The welcome you will receive will amaze you, because the people walking up and hugging you have been EXACTLY where you are, and realize how fragile your recovery is at this new stage.
You seem like a social creature, but I have noticed that you seem to think that you need alcohol to give you the courage to help you do certain things.
The problem with that is, that people do not take you seriously when you are drunk, so you are not doing the revolution any favors if you are trying to spread the message when you are drunk. It also tends to land you in the back of police cars, and institutions.
I found a link of many different places in Toronto, where you can attend meetings, and get some real support. You should not depend on WHG or MN to help you in this because they are not alcoholics. It is not fair to burden them with this either. You need the help of former alcoholics, to have any success.
Nothing is more important than getting yourself stronger for this fight we have ahead of us. NOTHING. Not your website, not the DP, nothing.
I hope that you take my, and other's advice and go and attend a few meetings, and give it a chance. Find yourself a sponsor, who knows what alcohol addiction is like, so that you can have someone to call on when things get tough.
I hope you get the help you need.
Here is the link.
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