cause I got this screwed up illness and it's changing my life by degrees every single day. Wish I could help you financially but I've over-given to the movement and need to stop going through all my long term food storage supplies.
"The gaunlet of disability". All the state programs and such. Makes me shudder. I'm gonna stay free as long as I got a choice in the matter. But I guess I hear in your voice that you got the "new eyes". At a certain point we gotta think not in terms of what we can't do but what we still can. My vision was perfect but now it's not. Lately I'm thankful that I can see at all.
Your career as a courier pilot got destroyed. Ouch. bigtime ouch. But from where I sit, at least you WERE a courier pilot. And bro, you can still dream about it.
One thing that is bigtime in my dreams these days is the hills and trees and waters of my ancestors. I can see them in perfect detail, every rock, everything just the way it was. I can smell the rich dark loam and the fragrant air and I can hear the birds in the day and the cickets at night.
I super love the sound of spring peepers. I can sense the fish in the waters. It's ALL THERE MAN. My people believe in an afterlife, the Next Place. If it's like my dreams, man, it's gonna be better than good. It's gonna be PERFECT. I know why I don't see my ancestors in these recent dreams and that is because if I do, I won't come back. I won't want to. I will want to stay with them in the mountains.
You and I my man are in the twilight of our life and it's coming sooner and harder for us than it might have. I'd hazard a guess that a feeling we share is DISMAY. The spirit is willing but the wheels are falling off our apple cart. The mechanics are all screwed up. Everything is coming unglued.
Maybe you feel fear. I can relate. I have never really felt fear like most people do ever in my life until all this started. I'm trained not to admit fear into my reality, I'm trained to confront it head on and destroy it. Fear is an enemy of my people and whatever they are afraid of is slated for immediate modification. Then one day as things advanced I started having this horrible feeling, one I had never felt before and it took me weeks to identify it. It was this horrible abrasive and draining feeling. It was somehow very close to a feeling of guilt but I couldn't figure out what I had done wrong. It truly felt yucky and dirty. I couldn't figure it out until a friend said Smudge, you are afraid.
Me? Afraid? Show me what I'm afraid of and I'll kill it right now with my bare hands but friend said Smudge, that's the point, you can't beat this one and you know it.
"You can't beat this one with your fists".
And so the Great Warrior Priest Smudge Pot is laid low. He has met his match. The only thing he can do now is try to go out gracefully.
I will say this, having felt fear and had it practically move into the spare bedroom, I feel an overwhelming sense of sympathy and understanding for other humans. I'm like this fear thing? It's HORRIBLE! OMFG YOU POOR LITTLE THINGS NO MATTER YOU ACT THE WAY YOU DO, YOU ARE SCARED OUT OF YOUR TINY LITTLE MINDS.
It's like aw crap, no wonder you act like you are half bats in the belfry, it's because you are half bats in the belfry. It's a wonder the human race even evolved under these circumstances.
who was it that said a paranoiac is just a man who's aware of the facts?
I used to make snarky t shirts, not for sale, just for me and one of them was "the paranoiacs are out to get me".
Anyways, I have something to do with security and logistics at Paulfest and I'd extend official assistance but this is gonna be Paulfest and anyone and everyone will be honored to help out in any way we can.
Beyond that, as we are, ain't much to say except....let's try to be examples for one another and the youngers and give them everything we can while we can. And I'll see you in the Next Place maybe.
"Next time it will be better".
There is nothing strange about having a bar of soap in your right pocket, it's just what's happening.
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