Comment: There is much in your post

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There is much in your post

There is much in your post that I find interesting... particularly when you emphasize the obvious dangers when any two individuals (male and female) go about relating on an intimate level. Concerning marriage, GK Chesterton wrote:
"The two must hold each other to do justice to each other. If Americans can be divorced for 'incompatibility of temper' I cannot conceive why they are not all divorced. I have known many happy marriages, but never a compatible one. The whole aim of marriage is to fight through and survive the instant when incompatibility becomes unquestionable. For a man and a woman, as such, are incompatible."

There you have it... man and woman are in their natures, incompatible. But that is the challenge of trust, commitment and love in the dance they do.

But I do not necessarily agree with everything you write, of course. I just found it interesting, that's all. It is my experience that a huge part of a relatively happy balance between guy and gal is understanding their gender related needs they each seek to have met in the relationship. Perhaps 'expectations' is a better word than 'need'. Still, in this regard, I am convinced that in our modern world, men and women do not understand that they each are desiring something somewhat different from the other.

Note: What I am about to write holds true in a marriage relationship, and not necessarily in a dating relationship or while seeking a mate. At those stages, a whole host of other factors also apply.
As for a woman, it's about unconditional LOVE. A woman needs to KNOW she is loved - even when she does not feel lovable, look lovely or act lovingly. That love from her mate must be always reaffirmed. It is work, and why not? He will no doubt fail to reassure her strongly enough at times, but continue to love her unconditionally he MUST. His love CANNOT be a thing she must earn, or there will be trouble unending.. until it all ends.

That is not what a man needs in order to feel the relationship is worthwhile and to keep him there. A man needs unconditional RESPECT. He must feel her respect even when he is not necessarily acting in accord with it. In other words, all the conditions previously mentioned in regard to a woman's need for unconditional love, hold true for a man with regard to respect. And there in lies the rub in our western society. People seem to have no problem speaking in terms of "unconditional love", but mention "unconditional respect", and they wrinkle up their noses and consider it a contradiction in terms. Respect must be earned, right? Bullcrap! Respect must be a precondition from the get-go, just as love must be, or there will be trouble unending.. until it all ends.

Aretha Franklin made famous the song "RESPECT", but few know that the lyrics were actually composed by a man, with a few words altered to make it sound as if it were from a woman to a man. Instead of 'when you come home' it was 'when I come home', for example. Read the words and it is obvious that it was written by a man who was in need of greater respect from a woman he loved.

I submit that if you find a husband who really does love his wife unconditionally, and the wife respecting him unconditionally, you will find a couple happy in their obvious incompatibility. This does not mean that each will show love and respect in convincing ways all the time. of course they won't. But if they do as a rule and not as an exception to the rule, then the marriage will be rewarding for both. A woman who KNOWS she is loved unconditionally can trust her man, even when he does things that are not necessarily in her best interest. That is because if he truly loves her in that way, he will never do anything intentionally that is not in her best interest. This makes it far easier for her to respect him in the way he needs. Likewise, in respecting him unconditionally, it becomes far easier for him to display his unconditional love. Regardless of the others behavior though, the love/respect must remain unconditional or the relationship will become a heartless nightmare for one, and then both eventually.

Also, men can help their own cause by realizing that no matter what our sophisticated society claims about male female partnerships, men must be the leader and behave as such. I would suggest taking a look at this book: