although cases of Jack Daniels or Johnny Walker might do you as well as (or better than) the toilet paper...at least with Jack and Johnny at your disposal, you'd probably not care if you didn't have the TP and even if you did, you'd probably have more "friends" to visit who might be able to help you out with your recurring itchiness...and some ice.
Wha? .....hey....who stole my country?
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