Comment: Uncle Ben! You are a depressionist. Not a magician!

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Uncle Ben! You are a depressionist. Not a magician!

IRS Audit Agent: You are being audited.... No. I cannot accept gifts... No. I am not interested in your book nor your signature. I voted for Ron Paul.

No. Excuses are not deductible... ... Your W2, please?

Oh my gosh! They pay you near $200,000? [Mutter what you could do w/ $200,000]

What's this? Royalties? Does anyone actually read your books? I declare! [Look of astonishment!] $2 million?... Oh come on now. You're from South Carolina, same as me. Lighten up. ... Now let us have a look at your expense receipts.

None of these receipts for driving the economy off the fiscal cliff are business expenses. Your personal hobbies are not deductible.

[Audit continues hour, after hour... Rejected receipts from Uncle Ben fill several trash bags around auditors desk.]

Do you have receipts for this magic wand, mask & cap?... Strictly for business?... [Furrow brow] Uncle Ben, the IRS will allow these as entertainment expense. Not tools. 80% of the receipt value.

Let me get the total. Please pay the cashier on your way out.

Disclaimer: Mark Twain (1835-1910-To be continued) is unlicensed. His river pilot's license went delinquent in 1862. Caution advised. Daily Paul