both love and judgment. His judgement is right and always has a purpose because he is good and holy. He is not a man and cannot lie or do wrong. I know it is hard to think that when you are going through hell-on-earth. Trust me, I've been there and am dealing with anger issues with God right now. I and my wife are going through a great amount of difficulty. It is natural to blame and be angry with God, even if you say you don't believe in Him. However, he is a loving God. Jesus died for your sins so you don't need to.
God does give you free will to accept or reject Him, but should you reject him or decide "not to make a choice" (which is the same as rejecting Him) you decide to live in sin and God, being completely holy, cannot abide unrepentant sin. The point is that God wants you to come to him humbly understanding you need forgiveness because you have sinned. If we all got what we deserved then we would all be in hell. The wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life. He alone offers the choice to get something we don't deserve. It is our choice to choose liberty in Christ.
For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;
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And he shall judge among the nations, and shall rebuke many people: and they shall beat their swords into plowshares, and their spears into pruning hooks: nation shall not lift up sword against nation, neither shall they learn war any more.
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