I understood your point and immediately thought of those verses.
If I may make a suggestion since you've never read the Bible... I just finished reading through the Bible (again) in 2012. If you're willing to take about 5-10 minutes out of your schedule each day this year then please consider making 2013 the year you read the entire Bible.
If you don't understand a passage, just keep moving! You'll have bragging rights this time next year. If you have any questions, you can post them on the DP or send them to me directly. There are plenty of Christians on here who can help with interpretation.
A couple of translations I use that are very accurate and fairly easy to read are the English Standard Version (ESV) and the New American Standard Bible (NASB).
Here is a recommended resource for a reading plan: http://www.biblegateway.com/reading-plans/ Just select a plan, click the date, and the relevant passage appears.
Ron Paul - Honorary Founding Father