I have walked that mile too. It is a heart-wrenching thing to lose a parent. I understand the pain...even guilt sometimes. I'm sorry you have had to find out these feeling. My condolences, Smudge.
Silence isn't always golden....sometimes it's yellow.
"The liberties of a people never were, nor ever will be, secure, when the transactions of their rulers may be concealed from them." - Patrick Henry