Isn't there an atheist liberty site somewhere where those who cannot understand Christianity can go to find acceptance? Where they won't have to put up with the "lunatics?"
Belief will rarely be found intellectually, and unfortunately, it sounds like you need some kind of intellectual proof to believe in God.
True freedom is FOUND through Christ. A love for ALL life is found through Christ. Real respect for others and empathy for the poor, widows, fatherless, is found through Christ. But nothing a person here can say to convince you of that. You'll have to search for that on your own.