One more shot at helpful suggestions, if I may?
1. I'd have liked to see more dialogue between Sugar and Heywood. I thought their interaction was very interesting, and I was disappointed that you didn't continue with it. In any case, more repartee is needed. You have wit, and that should be showcased more. Sugar could be even MORE of a smartass, to good effect, I think. Ever read Robert Parker's Spenser novels? Consider emulating Spenser's "attitude."
2. Schickler at present is a cartoon of Hitler, and that's trite. How about making him a pleasant-spoken Southerner whose father fled the Massa-cure? (very nice, that). That would go a long way toward explaining Schickler's violent racism, too. A villain who doesn't look and sound like a villain is a more effective villain, ya think? Lieutenant Rearden, for example, is a more interesting -- and ultimately chilling -- character than Adam or Adele -- a pleasant, gentlemanly mass murderer. By the way, if you named him after Rand's Hank Rearden, consider yourself b!tch-slapped. If you want to pay homage to St. Ayn, how about "Ferris?"
Noli illegitimi carborundum, tovarisch.
Recommended reading: The Most Dangerous Superstition, http://www.amazon.com/Most-Dangerous-Superstition-Larken-Ros...
Want DP delivered to your inbox daily? Subscribe here:
Content of posts and comments on the Daily Paul represent the opinions of the original posters, and are not endorsed, approved, or otherwise representative of the opinions of the Daily Paul, its owner, site moderators