Comment: Wow, just goes to show how

(See in situ)


Wow, just goes to show how

Wow, just goes to show how you can get way off track in your thinking by not being at least interested in thinking fundamentally.

I would guess Melissa started her thinking with the notion that it's nice, good, and right when children have a safety net beyond their parents. You know, the sort of safety net most (I'm hoping) parents weave by choosing who will raise their children if they both die; by being close with their own parents and brothers and sisters and sharing that closeness with their children, by having close friends the kids know and trust, by having a church family or a network of friends the children feel accepted by. Also not bad to have a safety net of acquaintances and neighbors, who know who Sally's parents are and if they see Sally going 80 in a 25, will call and tattle. That sort of thing; the sort of thing parents who are responsible for their children provide -- most of the time without even thinking about it as other than a product of living their own lives with intimate, healthy, productive social ties.

But and alas, because some parents fail, because they move around too much, destroy intimate relationships, fail to be discerning, we end up with a bunch of parents who are irresponsible and their children suffer.

The Melissa's of the world feel the pain -- as they should. But it's not so comfy to think fundamentally about the source of the problem and the pain and attack that. Because then you'd be making ATTACK public service ads. Right? You'd have to all condemning and your big goal would be so make some people FEEL BAD. That's not compassionate to others. That doesn't feel good. And what doesn't feel good, can't -- oh, my gosh -- ever be good. That's, like, anti-self-compassion.

But still, WE'VE GOT TO FIX THIS! WE CAN FIX THIS! The Melissa's rush out and make creepy hive-mind spots that don't blame anyone and so they don't have to feel bad. But when you aren't willing to blame anyone, you have to blame everyone. You have to make it society's fault; society's responsibility.

I don't think this track that the Melissa's of the world take is evil or some preconceived socialist agenda. It's just where the path wanders when your need to not blame anyone with a face trumps your need for remedy.

Melissa says, "Once it's everybody's responsibility and not just the household's, then we start making better investments."

I would find it hard to believe that, if Melissa were to actually think about this statement, she could find it true. I very much doubt that she has no experience, or at least book-learning, with diffusion of responsibility. I doubt very much that she, or anyone, actually believes that investments in anything are better made by some diffuse group than by the folks who stand to lose or gain by them.

This is just more, taking her and her ilk further down the path they set upon when they chose to believe they aren't courageous enough to blame the culprits, tell the truth, and accept everyone as free, capable agents. Compassion turned against itself. Maybe.

Anyway, certainly creepy. My husband and I have and will continue to find our own people to stand in for us with our children if the need arises. "Everyone" need not apply.