She sings you The Star Spangled Banner for a lullaby.
She makes the whole family pledge allegiance to the flag at mealtimes.
She named you after her favorite President: Woodrow.
She files a complaint against herself with the EPA every time she breaks wind.
Recommended reading: The Most Dangerous Superstition, http://www.amazon.com/Most-Dangerous-Superstition-Larken-Ros...
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