I knew something was wrong when I read:
It is also known that his parents not only permitted him to masticate excessively in their presence, but even urged him to do so.
Anyone who is unfamiliar with vocabulary would be led to believe that masticate was either misspelled or a synonym for masturbate. None of it makes sense.
Good post, haha. It's a sure example that ignorant people can be easily tricked.
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