You are the only one standing between living a heaven or a hell. It's completely your choice and it seems you've made it quite clear.
I apologize if I projected a like perspective on you. I know that you have probably gone through far worse than I have and should you find the will to let your experience make you stronger, then all the power to you.
"We are not human beings having a spiritual experience; we are spiritual beings having a human experience"—Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
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