Baseball bat carrying case retailers schedule their first annual event. Invitations have been sent to local, state, and federal legislators. The event will be open to the general public and heavily sponsored by bat carrying case manufacturers.
One event organizer, Ms. Inya Buznes from 4S, Inc.(See Something Say Something), an official retailer of premier bat carrying cases stated the following in a press release:
"Recent attempted robberies using bats have demonstrated how vulnerable our freedom to love money is. No one should have to live in fear of exercising their essential rights to love money by engaging in business. Government must protect the time honored tradition and sacred right to love money. In this modern day and age there is no good reason for anyone to open carry a bat. At our first annual Just Us Retailer's Barbeque we intend to petition our local, state, and federal legislators to make it unlawful to open carry bats. By outlawing the open carry of bats we can once again exercise the right to love money without living in fear of crazed bat wielders.
In addition, we intend to lobby for licensing the sale of bat carrying cases. Initially we considered proposing mandatory bat registration but quickly realized it would be more profitable to outlaw open bat carry since we are in the business of selling bat carrying cases. In such an important area of public safety only licensed retailers should be authorized to sell approved bat carrying cases. Like electricians or any other regulated profession, legislators can incorporate a committee of existing bat carrying case retailers to codify requirements new retailer applicants must meet so we can effectively stifle potential future competition increasing costs to enter the market.
We look forward to getting this legislation passed which is vital to public safety. Then we can begin our work cooperating with homeland security, police, and other law enforcement identifying non-approved bat carrying cases to enforce unlawful possession of unlicensed bat carrying cases and confiscate illegal bat carrying cases."
Our reporters contacted Ms. Buznes for an interview. When asked if she thought regulating a persons natural right to pursue happiness was excessive Inya replied: "Freedom is not free. The purchase of a legal bat carrying case is a small price to pay for the freedom to pursue happiness."
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