that is so sad that you feel that way :( I know it's the last thing you probably want to hear, but God does love you even though you do not feel the same way about Him. He is a very kind, patient and graceful being and doesn't desire that any should perish, and that includes you. Don't close your heart and mind to Him, but tell Him you want to know and understand Him and His Son better and if you do so humbly He will answer you. Our God is a God who leaves the 99 to go after the 1. Every, single human being matters to Him, and that includes you too. I will keep you in my prayers.
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