Comment: hey man

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hey man

That wasn't bad at all, you got some words in ya. I just wanted to suggest you to learn about alliteration. it is a style of using words without rhyming. It isn't rap but to hear someone who uses this perfectly look up jack johnson. I will provide my own example below as well.
"The faces of power Simply Slide from Station to Station
Erasing minds through Subliminal manipulation"
I know this isn't a bombshell lyric or anything but just to show you, I am tying the structure together not with the rhyme at the end but with the s's at the beginning of the words. but it doesn't have to be at the beginning that is the beauty, you can say "Sally has a funky faCe" and it could work if you focus pronunciation on the s, or s sound, while reciting. It is a very fun tek to use. good luck!

You just got PAULED!