It has taken me many years to reach the conclusions I have come to, but I am trying my hardest to be honest with myself about what I believe.
For many years, I felt I must adhere to the traditional doctrine of Christian Faith, basically, trust that God will explain everything to you and you will understand his purposes, accept without question that God always does the right thing, and the "right thing" is what is written in what we know of as the Bible.
But then I started thinking, if Satan exists and he was able to deceive me into believing that God didn't even exist for so many years, maybe he could deceive me into not understanding the true nature of God, now that I know He exists. I simply couldn't like myself as the closed minded individual. I realized that God must know I am uncomfortable being dogmatic and closed minded, and I couldn't possibly deceive him, and, it is not only cowardly, but IMMORAL to try.
I have a lot of problems with the concept of a permanent Hell. It seems to me that those who end up in eternal torment were created just so that they could be tortured. It seems unjust to me.
My wife has taught me a lot about the meaning and limits of free will. She is bi-polar, and has an addictive personality. My spiritual and political history taught me that free will is absolute. But I'm not so sure now. Her brain physiology and chemistry make it so that even though she wishes to behave a certain way, nine times out of ten she simply cannot exhibit self control. My lack of understanding about this almost cost us her life, as I tried to give her maximum freedom and she abused it.
I realize now that we all act with limited knowledge, of all types: instinctual, rational, emotional. This is our condition as imperfect beings. If somehow God gave us the choice between Heaven and Hell, and also gave us perfect knowledge and intelligence to make the decision, it seems to me that NOT ONE SOUL WOULD CHOOSE HELL. I'm inclined to believing this now, that perhaps God's plan is perfect and Satan ultimately is denied even one soul. But I try to stay humble enough not to say that I am certain of that.
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